win this war . cass' victor au's

Oh how I love how the sun lays upon us
Staining the inches of skin
Oh says the clouds as they whisper above us
Oh what a life it's been

It was surreal waking up in a bed body throbbing with displeasure as the world around her came into view. The room was quiet and empty there was no one else, and Meredith sat up the ache in her chest growing as she looked at the stump where her leg had been. The ear Lysander had sewn back on was still there, and she ran a finger gently over the messy scar. It hurt to touch, and the ugliness left behind would be a forever reminder of her friend, another lost in this war.

She pulled back, tears springing to her eyes as she thought about Lysander, Will, Cyro, and Arabella. They were gone for good, lost to the wolves of this world. She’d got lost from the group and then suddenly Arabella’s face was in the sky, Lysander’s next and finally Will’s. Their deaths like rapid cannon fire as she cursed herself for not running faster to find them. Before she knew it she was all alone shaking from the coldness that wrapped her skin. Exhaustion weighing heavily on her mind as she pushed onwards.

They were all gone. No Arabella to hold her at night and tell her stories. No Lysander to sew her back together. No Cyro to hug her and protect her from the wounds carved into her beating heart. There was no Will to find to end her pain, no guarantee of a gentle death. There was no one else left in the Arena that could remember their names. So she’d stayed alive, clawing her way till the end where she had struck down Perdita Leto to claim the crown her herself.

The gentle hum of machinery made the stifling silence a little more bearable. There was no Cricket or Julian here to greet her or clap her on the back and tell her congratulations. The ghosts that haunted her were all she had, the gentle smile from Anabelle as she beckoned Meredith forwards. Why had she done it? The echoing thump of her heartbeat gave her no answers, the emptiness calling her nothing but a coward.

She’d truly meant it when she’d told Will on the train that she didn’t want to come back. There was nothing to come home to, no one to wrap in a hug. No reason to continue to exist. So why? Why hadn’t she let Perdita drive her knife into her heart? She was sure the other girl had had people waiting for her at home. Meredith hadn’t realised how selfish she was until that moment when she had refused to die.

The stabbing pain within her heart held no guilt or anger or resentment. There was fear. Now she had to face the world by herself and it hurt. She bit her lip, fingers digging into the mattress as she squeezed her eyes closed. She was so lonely.

There were nothing and no one waiting for her back in district two. The name attached to her title meant nothing to her. She was sure Victor still had every intention of killing her for all the awful things she had said about him. She’d fought so hard to survive and she didn’t know why.

A tear fell onto her lap, and another, each carving themselves into her flesh as they ran down her thighs.

She wanted her mum, she wanted to feel Lysander’s hands or Will’s embrace. The room pressed in, choking her into submission as she buried her pain deep inside her chest.

The world had never felt so cold and empty, the scattered images of her friends unreachable, buried six feet under. It was where she belonged.

The silence was deafening and Meredith slipped to the floor, hugging herself tightly as she drew her legs up. She rocked, gently and rhythmically, gaze focused on the white tiles.

No one came. There was no one alive who cared. She was alone.

And all of the lies we've lied
And all of the time thats timed our lives
How do we know whats wrong or right this time