you could be something [Pisces, Day 8]

"Better pull yourself back together
You could be something
You're one step closer to the throne
King of nothing"

Kestrel. Daemon. Terra. Will. I'd taken four lives in this arena. Although only one of them, Daemon, I ended finally, as the other three were all given or would be given another chance. As I looked up at the night sky, waiting for the anthem, it made me wonder if Terra had survived her second chance, or if me sending her to the catacombs was a death sentence. Had she survived today? Would Will survive tomorrow? For the sake of each of them and myself, I hoped not. I truly didn't want to encounter them again.

As I looked up at that night sky, waiting for the anthem to play, I wondered which tributes' deaths the cannons had signified today. I'd find out soon enough, but all I was hoping for right now was that it wasn't Dominic or Jade. I'd already seen Zenia's face in that sky. I didn't want to see those of my other friends, too. After all, I'd promised to protect the three of them for as long as I could. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to protect Zenia any longer, and she'd fallen.

Although, I'm also not quite sure that Zenia had needed protecting. She was strong. Confident. Good with her knife. I could've imagined her as a victor, strong and loved by the Capitol. Although, I knew victors were almost always broken on the inside, and even if I wanted for myself or my friends to survive, I knew that that had to be a difficult way to live.

It was still better than death, though, right?

It had to be.

If I made it out of here alive, I'm not sure how I'd feel. Broken, yes, for sure, likely even more so as it would mean Dominic hadn't survived. What I truly wonder, though, is would there be any happiness from surviving all this? Any sense of relief? Any… glory, even, perhaps?

I wasn't sure if I was the kind of person who would feel glory in winning the Games, but I still didn't want to die. I suppose I would find out what it was like to be a victor if I made it to that point. Only time and the continuation of some damn hard work in this arena would tell.