slow acid. izzy & dec

🌱 kaitlin.
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aspiring beam of light

slow acid. izzy & dec Aug 14, 2020 21:19:10 GMT -5

Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Aug 14, 2020 21:19:10 GMT -5

There is nothing quite like the sheer weight of exhaustion, and you bear it ten-fold.

You've always been prone to melodrama, you're perfectly aware of this fact about yourself, and yet still, it's like every time you god damn try and take a breath—the world comes crashing down around you. The atmosphere in the house after Meredith dies by none other than Will Johnwayne's blade among a swarm of blue butterflies wasn't something that you knew how to put into words. You'd wanted to hole up in your bedroom, had punched a fit through the wall and then listened only half-heartedly as they chastised you and told you that if you kept up like that you'd be channeling your anger in the ring. Again.

You hadn't expected it to affect Izzy the way that it had affected you, little sociopath, but you can't help but want to help her be—well, but anything else but what she is every time you look at her.

Even now, flicking her peas onto your plate, you consider if you should bite your tongue and let it happen. Silence certainly speaks too, but words have always served you better. You wet your lips before you begins, cocks your eyebrow as if to say I’m unimpressed.

“Wouldn't you rather bother Finn, weirdo?”

Last Edit: Aug 14, 2020 21:20:02 GMT -5 by 🌱 kaitlin.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

charade
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slow acid. izzy & dec Aug 15, 2020 3:02:45 GMT -5

Post by charade on Aug 15, 2020 3:02:45 GMT -5

i s a b e l l e .

Come away little lamb
Come away to the water
Give yourself so we might live a new
Come away little lamb
Come away to the slaughter

Forks make great trebuchets. The superior siege engine. I wish I had a real one. If I had one, I’d be able to fling way more than just peas. I could fling this whole stupid house and everyone in it. I’ve never seen them in the games though. Maybe they’re too big or the gamemakers don’t think the tributes would use them right. It’d be cool to see someone get run over with a battering ram though.

It’s dinnertime and I hate peas. They’re too squishy. I hate Declan too. I bet if he got hit with a sledgehammer he’d be squishy too. Anyway that’s why I’m flicking peas at him. The he asks me if I’d rather bother Finn.

And even calls me a weirdo! How rude. I'm the most normalist one here. I'm trying really, really hard to be an adult and keep all my negative thoughts inside and to forget about Meredith.

“You’re the weirdo,” he really is. I heard he got in trouble for being sad for Meredith. I don’t know why he would be though. She was dumb. Well, I guess maybe some of the other kids liked her before Annabelle died and she turned into a wimp. Not me though. Victor helped me get strong. “Why are you always so nice? It doesn’t matter. We’re all gonna die.”

I think he thinks he’s like a big brother or something but that’s dumb.

“You’re old, so you’re probably gonna die next.”

16 Jul 12, 23:43
GB: I bet you just sit at your computer with a tea cup and a monocle

🌱 kaitlin.
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aspiring beam of light

slow acid. izzy & dec Aug 17, 2020 15:37:27 GMT -5

Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Aug 17, 2020 15:37:27 GMT -5

“We are not all going to—” you says, eyebrows immediately furrowing before you get the chance to consider your emotions. Agitation and vague amusement, those are the only words that could possibly describe your initial reaction to Izzy's quips. The thing had a habit of making repeated attempts to push your buttons, to push everyone's buttons really. That has to be a joke, is what you really want to say. But it's useless. You know that she's serious, it just breaks your damned heart.

A smile flashes, a close-lipped one that speaks too clearly of mischief, the kind that would get you in trouble sooner or later. Because there's this: for others, you can kill, but you have never been able to fight for yourself.

And when Izzy bites right back at you in that voice of her's that tells you she is somehow both here to slit your throat and here to have as much fun as possible, you're never sure exactly how you're supposed to respond. Because there's this voice in the back of your head constantly telling you that you should be dying for her anyway, that you've spent years here under the constant shadow of being the first to take a life and—every year since, you have not spoken up when yet another life was taken. And she loops herself in with the rest, says she'll be dead sooner or later, too, and that's all you need to make sure you keep all your walls up, the one's that make you seem more mischief and darling than the moody and damaged little shit that you are.

"Oh, c'mon Izzy," you say, eyes slanting at her. "I know you're secretly a big softy inside." I pick up a single pea from my own plate, flick it right back at her with a sideways smile. "Don't worry, I'll keep your secret. You'd miss me."

Last Edit: Aug 17, 2020 15:37:42 GMT -5 by 🌱 kaitlin.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

charade
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last seen Jan 6, 2024 4:36:58 GMT -5

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slow acid. izzy & dec Aug 17, 2020 21:03:16 GMT -5

Post by charade on Aug 17, 2020 21:03:16 GMT -5

i s a b e l l e .

Come away little lamb
Come away to the water
Give yourself so we might live a new
Come away little lamb
Come away to the slaughter

Life is like a revolving door. I think that’s the best way to describe it anyway. It keeps spinning and spinning and you’re trapped in glass like one of Tobias’s bugs. Declan is dumb if he really thinks I’m soft. I don’t have any friends or family anymore, except for the ones I’m trapped with and I hate them all except Elizabeth and Aster and maybe Victor.

I roll my eyes, but I stop flicking peas at him. “I don’t miss Meredith, because--” I start to say, even though I can feel my face scrunch up. Oh no, I’m not gonna cry even a little. How does he expect me to miss him? I cried for Annabelle and I cried for my parents and maybe I cried for Meredith but that was in the bathroom and no one saw.

“Sentiment is a weakness.” I say, trying to sound like Victor. I would have thought someone that’s been here as long as Declan would know that by now. He’s seen them all die, hasn’t he? He was one of the originals. At least, that’s what the others have said. I believe it, he’s old enough to leave us to be a peacekeeper. I heard that’s what’s gonna happen to anyone who gets too old for the games without getting reaped first.

“So ehy would I miss you?” I ask, grinning wide. “Do you miss people? Do you miss Meredith? Or Jason?”

I think that’s the right name, scratched out on his desk and everything else he used to own because Declan put him in the ground. There’s a couple of scratched out names. Although I think Victor tried to burn anything with Meredith’s name on it, so there’s not even that. Boy, Aster’s gonna have to wait for some hand me downs, huh?

I don’t know though maybe it wasn’t Jason; a couple of kids died here before my sister and I were adopted.

They must have been even more useless than Meredith.

16 Jul 12, 23:43
GB: I bet you just sit at your computer with a tea cup and a monocle

🌱 kaitlin.
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aspiring beam of light

slow acid. izzy & dec Aug 18, 2020 15:37:04 GMT -5

Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Aug 18, 2020 15:37:04 GMT -5

Five years.

That's how long it's been since you and Jason got put into the ring together, two thirteen year old boys with no idea that they could be something other than the monsters the Strauss siblings were trying to turn them into. Five years. It's longer even than the time that you and Jason had been under this roof together. You'd both been adopted at nine, forced into an angry adolescence at the exact same time, and the memory of his name in your mouth, smiling and wrapped around laughter, still sends pangs through every single one of your bones. Her saying his name now, asking if you miss the boy you killed—it's a low blow, and Izzy knows that.

Frustrated, you pinch the bridge of your nose as you let your eyes close for half a second, inhale sharply, holds you breath, then exhale in a shudder. You aren't going to tell her that you miss Jason, because you do, and you aren't going to tell her that you miss Meredith, because you do, and these are two things that Izzy knows.

She doesn't need reminding.

She's just pushing buttons, you remind yourself. You know you heard sniffling in the bathroom that one time and you're going to hold onto that moment dearly for the rest of your life, even if it does end up being only a few months long.

"Everyone's got weaknesses Iz," you say after just a moment, though that beat you paused felt longer than it had any right to be. "Pretending otherwise is exactly the kind of thing that gets you killed." You tip your head at her, eyebrows arched, fake playful. The moment is anything but.

Miss me because it'll make you human, you think. Miss Meredith because if you don't, what was it all for?

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

charade
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slow acid. izzy & dec Aug 19, 2020 1:49:02 GMT -5

Post by charade on Aug 19, 2020 1:49:02 GMT -5

i s a b e l l e .

Come away little lamb
Come away to the water
Give yourself so we might live a new
Come away little lamb
Come away to the slaughter

Finally.

I think I made him mad. Good. He’s really starting to piss me off. Who cares about Meredith? Not me. And I bet he really doesn’t either. Nobody cares. Everybody’s only out for themselves, like Victor says.

And that’s okay. That’s good. That’ll make us stronger careers. The only one you can rely on is yourself. Oh boy, Victor would be so proud if he could hear my thoughts. Except that’d be weird, I don’t want anyone inside my head. Anyway I guess I didn’t annoy Declan enough because he’s still talking. Maybe it wasn’t Jason. Was that the one that Elizabeth skewered?
Oh, I should probably pay attention. What’s he saying?

Pretending not to have weaknesses? I don’t understand. Meredith didn’t pretend not to. She was so scared of getting killed at the end of the year that she ran away and got killed for sure. Annabelle didn’t pretend not to have weaknesses, she was a crybaby and then Finn stabbed her and now she’s dead. I stare at Declan and try to figure out what he means.

I don’t get it.

What’s his weakness? Is it missing people? He shouldn’t. He’s gonna leave me too, because even if he doesn’t get his head squished by a flail he’s going to be grown up a long time before I am and they are gonna kick him out of the house. Dummy.

“Ok Deadlen.” I say instead.

“Then I’m going to train as hard as I can and have no weaknesses. And then I’ll win the games and be a victor and do whatever I like for the rest of my life.” So there. I nod, and then I take a big spoonful of mashed potatoes and flick it at his shirt and run as fast as I can towards my bedroom. I don’t check to see if he’s chasing me.

I wasn’t hungry anymore anyway.