hold on . kopal
Aug 16, 2020 5:08:49 GMT -5
Post by cass on Aug 16, 2020 5:08:49 GMT -5
o p a l .
Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life
Her hand was heavily bandaged, and it still throbbed painfully. New nightmares were popping up already, and last night she’d woken up drenched in sweat, clutching at her bandaged hand. In her dream Olivia had asked her to cut each of them off, one after the other, telling her it wasn’t enough until there were none left. After that, it had been impossible to get back to sleep, so instead, she’d sat herself down in front of the television, staring numbly into the night until it turned to dawn.
When the sun started to touch the buildings in front of her, she’d stirred, pulling on the blanket she’d wrapped around herself. Ky was out of the hospital now, safely tucked in his bed, but Olivia’s threat hung over her head. She was nothing in this world, she felt small and breakable. It had never occurred to her that she could be so easily manipulated. After winning the games she had always believed that some part of her must have been made of iron, baked in the fires of the lives she’d killed.
She was wrong. Instead, all that was within her was broken pieces of her heart. Shattered into a thousand shards and she was too tired, too defeated to even begin putting them back into place. Her soul hurt, it bled and ached and pulled at the sadness that sat at the back of her mind until it swallowed her.
It was the same feeling that had washed over her after Potato’s death, a feeling of complete and utter helplessness. She was trapped in a cage, left to claw at the bars, tucked away in a room filled with darkness. She buried her head into the blanket, tears slipping free as she held herself. The last time she had been defeated like this it had taken her six years to climb out of it. How long would it take this time?
The blanket shook, trembling as she cried softly. She was an idiot; a fool and she’d been taught that she’d never be anything else. The nerve for her to stand for her own desires and believe that she could love freely and live brightly, she thought bitterly. Olivia had pounded it out of her.
She was empty.
The tears dried up at some point, the sun rising above the buildings by the time she gathered enough strength to reach for the remote and turn the television on. It was finale day; the last four tributes had been pushed together in one final battle that would crown a new victor. In a shocking turn of events, district one had one remaining tribute alive and kicking. Jade needed her to watch this, to see her either rise to victory or fall short. Not much was happening, the tributes still scrambling towards the cornucopia like lambs being led to the slaughter.
The knock on the door stirred her, foggy gaze flickering to the darkened hallway as she dragged herself to her feet. She vaguely remembered telling Katelyn to come over for the finale. It felt so long ago, the days were merging together as she wasted them away in her bedroom. She crept out into the lounge room when she heard Ky leave, sitting by the window sleeping and staring.
Pulling the door open she came face to face with Katelyn. Some part of her tore and she bit her lip, battling against the wave of anguish that threatened to pour out of her.
“Katelyn,” she croaked.
That was all it took. The gates opened and her tears slipped silently down her cheeks.
