stella provence, district six | finished

gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale
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stella provence, district six | finished Aug 17, 2020 18:44:12 GMT -5

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Post by gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale on Aug 17, 2020 18:44:12 GMT -5

S	' and may your bones sing, stella provence sixteen district six sagittarius no longer with pain, but with roses. ' — moira egan, vespers

Last Edit: Aug 17, 2020 20:40:12 GMT -5 by gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale

gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale
RP Tutor

3,263 POSTS

Pronouns: he/him
last seen Apr 20, 2024 9:25:29 GMT -5

stella provence, district six | finished Aug 17, 2020 20:37:45 GMT -5

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Post by gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale on Aug 17, 2020 20:37:45 GMT -5

So maybe I wanted to be Juliet.

Is that so bad? To want to be the starring role in your own life? I could tell you a story about a spoiled little girl, but you're not going to like her. You won't like me. And I'm trying to make my peace with that. To be the star you have to make sacrifices.

People get hurt along the way.

Sometimes you do the hurting.

But it hadn't always been like this — back when I was just a kid, with parents who could afford to listen to my silly little dreams. My mother would sew me fairy wings out of tulle, and my father could take any twig out of the yard and make it into the finest wand.

And I'd dance for them, and they'd cheer, and then we'd sit down at the dinner table and test out Zeke's latest experiment. It was good, and sweet, and I had everything. A fluffy kitten in my arms, new dresses in my closet, a gateway to anything I could ever want.

Nothing bad happened to make me like this. I can't blame it on a tragedy. My parents are still kind, and rich, and alive; Zeke is still cooking every night, always watching out for me like a big brother should. I'm still dancing. People are still watching me perform.

But at first everything I did was innocent, and now it's not. Or at least that's how it feels. Ever since enrolling in Salvatore, it's like a hunger has opened up inside of me. I was a dancer in a world of science, and I was allowed to keep being one. To keep dreaming.

So maybe I thought that made me special. Maybe I let it all go to my head. I was talented, and I had things the other kids didn't. We all went to the same fancy school, but I told myself I was smarter than them, more dedicated to my craft, the best. I told myself I was perfect.

I told myself that I could be.

And I'm not saying it was easy, but I rose to the challenge. I chose my friends carefully, made fun of the kids that deserved to be laughed at and kissed up to the ones that could help me on my path. Cleo, Grady, Elaina, Ally, even Clara. Even when she raised her hand in class before I could.

Every valedictorian needs a salutatorian, so I tried not to be too threatened by her quick wit. And it's not like I didn't know they'd all stab me in the back when it was convenient for them, but they expected the same from me. That's why we worked so well together.

Birds of a feather flock together.

We were vultures, the queens and king of a rotting empire. They were my eyes at the parties I was too busy to attend; I was their cheat sheet to any homework they wanted out of. I had a lot to give, and so much more to take. I had so many goals written down in my journal.

They were the building blocks.

If I achieved them, no one could touch me.

I wasn't afraid of being hurt — or maybe I was — maybe I just didn't realize it at the time. But I knew that I was so desperate to be the ideal version of myself. I would pick apart every accomplishment and compare it to the next best thing. I just couldn't stop.

To be the top of my class, to be the lead in the spring recital, to have the most untouchable friends, to be spoken of only in awe. I was okay with losing everything, just to have that greatness in my hands. I wanted perfection so badly that I didn't stop to think that it was impossible. Nothing had ever been out of my reach before.

When Benji spoke to me, he was not in awe. He wasn't much of anything, just a blank sheet of paper that I used to make a boy worth loving me. Even if he didn't, even if I'm not sure I truly loved him, either. But he fit perfectly into the puzzle, so I held onto him.

So selfishly, with all of that hunger.

He became a new dream, a little white house to hold everything I worked so hard for. All the trophies, all the certificates, a picket fence and a smiling family in a portrait. I didn't mind the cracks in the glass, or the shakiness of the foundation. I just wanted the illusion.

And when he left me, when he left me for her, it was the first moment I had ever been pushed from my pedestal. I skinned my knees pulling myself up, but I played my part. I said what I had to say, faked what I had to fake, I pulled strings so tight that my circulation was nearly cut off.

But I kept living, and dreaming, and hating Scarlet Hyde. Watching her in the halls with someone that didn't want me was infuriating; to know that I wasn't good enough for him, that I wasn't the most perfect thing. I compared myself to her. I grabbed my mirror and threw it to the ground. And I cried when I was alone.

Until I couldn't anymore.

And then I put another dream in that book of mine, plastered on a smile and went back to work. Kept raising my hand in class, kept dancing on the stage, kept giving Cleo my newest clothes because, "They honestly suit you so much better!"

I was perfect. I did everything right.

I said what I had to say, I did what I had to do, I whispered the right things into the right ears and put the right items into the right hands. And I destroyed Scarlet Hyde. I was making love to Benji right upstairs when her little world caught flame, just like she had tried to do to mine. The laughter was like music to my ears.

And then she went and got herself killed, of course, but that wasn't my fault. I just wanted her out of the picture. Taken down a notch, kicked out of school, living in some trailer where she'd never be good enough for anyone. Where she could never take anything from me ever again.

Benji still holds me at night, Grady still forces himself to swallow sugar and tell me I'm destined for great things, the world and all of its wonders are still reaching out for me. And I have a new mirror now, and a new journal where the old one has been burnt to a crisp.

No evidence. No imperfections.

And I'll never have it all, I know, but I've proven that I have the power to take what I want. So screw dreaming. Forget all of that wishing and hoping.

I've found another path to walk.

gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale RP Tutor 3,263 POSTS Pronouns: he/him last seen Apr 20, 2024 9:25:29 GMT -5	stella provence, district six \| finished Aug 17, 2020 20:39:08 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale on Aug 17, 2020 20:39:08 GMT -5 gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan

gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan Administrator 7,691 POSTS last seen Apr 20, 2024 0:51:52 GMT -5 — 🥀 —	stella provence, district six \| finished Aug 18, 2020 11:58:52 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan on Aug 18, 2020 11:58:52 GMT -5 "I was a dancer in a world of science, and I was allowed to keep being one. To keep dreaming." she is an intriguing blend of lovely and vicious, and i love her!!!
	^{I AM A GARDEN OF BLACK AND RED AGONIES}