gentle friendship . kaitlin . clue

c a s s i u s .

"I'm gonna show you everything's alright
End of the tunnel, there is always light
You're in the middle of the darkest night"

Maverick flops down into the grass a few feet away from you. He’s loud and you find yourself frowning, pulling the book up a little higher as if it’d stop him from annoying you. It doesn’t.

He doesn’t seem to understand silence, or peace and quiet. Instead, he goes on, warning you that Mr. Harris is going to skin you alive for skipping, but Mr Harris likes you, because you pass his class, so you won’t get in trouble. Maybe if Maverick put more time into studying and using his brain for anything other then swearing and yelling -he might be a bit more likable.

The irony in the sentence isn’t lost on you. You find yourself rolling your eyes at your own comment. It wasn’t cool or impressive that the teachers liked you. But, thankfully, it was one of the few things that kept you going in this cold school. The teachers (except for your Math teacher) enjoyed your company. There was nothing to dislike about a student that always showed up, got straight A’s and didn’t disturb the class.

Maybe it was one of the reasons to blame for the bullying, and you’d never understand why being respected by adults meant you deserved to be treated like shit by kids.

“Mr. Harris actually likes me, believe it or not, Mav,” you speak softly, gaze sliding down the page of your book for a moment longer.

Turning the page, your gaze briefly flickers over to Maverick. His attention is focused on the school building. You’re not sure at what point the two of you started spending time together, but it was peaceful. You think it might be nicer if his voice was a bit more gentle, but he doesn’t say mean things to you -at least, not intentionally.

You think he might be the sidekick in a story, too blunt and brash to be the hero, but not angry and terrifying enough to be the villain. Perhaps, maybe more like the boy who’s lost his way, burying his true self behind outbursts of smoke. It’s a screen, trying to protect himself from something inside that he doesn’t want to deal with -or let the world see.

“Maybe if you were actually passing his class he wouldn’t get so upset,” a wry grin slides into place as you turn your attention back to the book.

There aren’t many people in this school that you talk to, somehow Mav ended up being one of them.

c a s s i u s .

"I'm gonna show you everything's alright
End of the tunnel, there is always light
You're in the middle of the darkest night"

You roll your eyes, tugging on another page and feeling the paper slide under your fingers as you turn it over. There’s something soothing about the way it feels, and you think it might be because it helps you deal with your anxiety. A self-soothing action that tugs a racing heartbeat to a more gentle, slower pace.

Your eyes trail down the page, but after a few moments, you find that none of the words are sinking in. Mav’s wiggled his way into your mind, and the brilliantly written tale of life before you doesn’t catch your attention. With a heavy sigh, you reach into your jacket pocket, fingers tugging out the bookmark. You place it onto the page, the delicately pressed rose petals was one of your favourite bookmarks. You think Naomi might like one made of sunflowers - you’ll have to make her one some time.

Putting the book into your bag you scoot down, pressing your head into the grass as you turn to face Mav. His smile is protective, like always, a wall that you can’t even see behind, but you hope that maybe one day he’ll let you take a little peek. It’s been a long time since you saw behind it, back when you were both too little to try and hide the darkness inside. Maybe you’ll let him see behind the mask as well, that’s what friends do right?

You stare for a moment longer, eyes trying to find something. He’s changed, you all have, but you remember the young boy that had stood up for you when bullies hurt had hurt you. You remember the boy that would strike back and walk you home just to make sure you were safe. Sometimes you had wished he had been there when they had tried to drown you. He might have stopped them, and you might be a little less broken.

It’s a nice thought, but you’d stopped relying on other people years ago. It was just another wound for you to bare, there was no need to make anyone else carry that weight. No point in thinking about what-ifs, you just had to deal with the trauma and move on.

“Don’t fall too far, Mav,” you say, no hint of a smile on your face, a gentle concern flowing through your eyes. “No one will be able to catch you."

You turn your gaze away, eyes resting on the limbs of the tree above you. "You know you can ask me for help, just like I’ve asked you.”

You don’t want to lose him, so you hope that he’ll catch himself before it’s too late.