a ghost inside of me. cleo. clue

c l e o .

"entangled in the lonliness. the memory of innocence
it's stinging me, it's breaking me the pain is spreading endlessly

Eighth Grade

Crying in the bathroom again. If Clara saw her, what would she think? Cleo gulped. So stupid, so dumb. She shouldn’t have told anyone who she had a crush on. It had gotten back to Esme and not only had she told him, she’d even started telling people she was his boyfriend.

Cleo wiped the tears off her face and started at her reflection, red-eyed and puffy. She punched it, regretting it immediately. She let out a little shriek. Five more months until the braces came off.

The day couldn’t come soon enough.

Leaving her bathroom, she flopped onto her bed and reached for the photos on her night stand. Her and Parker at the lake. A dragonfly perched on a small branch. Clara winning first prize at the science fair. Why couldn’t life be simple? Why was it so hard to get people to leave her alone?

Her mom had told her to just ignore them. She was a Burns. But it was so hard to pretend that the words didn’t hurt. That the laughter didn’t make her want to literally die from embarrassment. That some days she just wanted to hide and never go to school again. Poppa had a different idea. He didn’t want her to get into fights with them, but he wanted her to have confidence. You have to end things before they begin, he said.

Do you want to be a victim? No poppa!

Then make them think twice about picking on you. He’d given her so much advice. It’s the way the world works. Don’t crumble in front of them. If you show weakness they’ll never leave you alone. You can’t prevent people from paying attention to you if they choose to. But make sure it’s for the reasons you want.

People respect strength. Fear it, sometimes. Fear? She’d been afraid. She just wanted the other kids to like her. To be popular instead of on the outside. But if making them afraid of her meant that kids like Esme would leave her alone—well, she needed to do something different.

Maybe she’d go to volleyball tryouts after all. For the highschool she was supposed to be attending. She’d been practicing her serve all summer. Poppa said she had to channel her emotions into something. Something where she could get loud, rambunctious.

Let her voice be heard and her personality shine.

Control the spotlight.

And then maybe people would find a different reason to stare at her.

Maybe Salvatore Academy would be different.

c l e o .

"remember my heart
how bright I used to shine" 

Sophomore Year

A whole new look and a whole new set of friends had gotten Cleo so far at Salvatore. Parker just didn’t cut it. She didn’t fit the mold, and so she’d stopped talking to her altogether. There was no way she was ever going back to that, being looked down on, staying on the fringes.

Not after getting a taste of what it was like to be popular. Being able to do whatever she wanted and either having people applaud her for it or whisper to themselves about what they didn’t like.

She was a presence. And she was never going away.

Whether it was screaming at her teammates to get their shit together before scoring the winning point or breaking hearts when she dumped valentine’s day overtures from unwanted suitors in the trash for everyone to see. It was amazing how quick a mob mentality formed when you said the right things. How simple it was to sway the court of public opinion and get people dancing like puppets on a string.

Cleo drummed her fingers on the edge of the table and studied her soon to be partner in crime. Grady Sullivan. She’d clawed her way up to being somebody. Everyone knew who she was. And for the reasons she wanted them to. But it wasn’t enough. She was still chasing that dragon.

The fame monster.

Grady Sullivan could get her to another level. They’d hit upon the idea a week or two ago. Ava and Jonathan B. (not to be confused with Jonathan H. or Jon-Jon.) were the couple that most everyone aspired to be.

But they were graduating at the end of the year and someone needed to take their place in the public eye. Be the couple people wished they could be. Grady was similar to her in that respect. He craved attention. His name being on everyone’s lips. The prestige. It was no wonder they’d hit it off, quickly becoming friends the previous year. And to top it all off, his parents really seemed to like her.

This would be a cinch! They’d planned out the finer details over macaroons and silver tips imperial tea. Who wouldn’t love to see the up and coming star athlete and the classiest boy in school get together? Their names would be on everybody’s lips.

She sashayed over to where he was sitting, putting a little extra bounce in her step for the benefit of whoever was watching. Which would soon be them all. “Grady Sullivan!” she shrilled. “I love it!” the gift in question was an expensive perfume imported from district one. A perfume said to be used by victors like Jacinta Salazar. It was such a mature gift. One worthy of envy. She wrapped him in a hug. “Of course I’ll date you! I’d love to be your girlfriend!"

By the end of senior year, this would be her kingdom.

Grady would be her king.

Though she’d have to do something about that hair first.