brennan fitzgerald } d3 . cb { fin

Brennan Fitzgerald


I'm forgettable. That's all there is to say about it. I'm like the dot on your "i" that you forget to dash into your sentences when you're in a hurry; everyone still knows what you mean. Some people aim to be as forgettable as possible, hoping that if they slip through the cracks, they might achieve a sacred position of normalcy. I don't see it like that. I want to be seen, and I want to be more than a face that people see every now and again, arms clutching a couple textbooks as I drag my feet through the school hallways.

{"Who's that kid over there? He's in our grade?"} I want nothing more than to drop what I'm doing, stand up in their face and scream that I can hear them, but the confidence in me would get too shaken. I'm not witty, not clever, not adaptable enough to react well when put on the spot. So I bite my tongue, remain silent. {"You're shitting me, right? He seems so small."} I take a deep breath and try not to make much eye contact. It's better that way cause I can't act like a fool if I don't react.

Genetics are a toxin whose presence struck me at about age twelve. I was the cute kid back in the day, with freckles dotting around my face and just enough red in my hair to be considered a ginger. The problem doesn't rest there, in my hair or my eyes, my smile or anywhere around my face. I'm small all around: height, weight, muscle. If District Three ever needed a big, brooding man to stare over the land, I wasn't their man, but I could get smuggled on a train via suitcase more likely than not.

Mom and Dad try to say I'm just overreacting. Five-foot-three and one hundred pounds isn't normal for a kid my age though, if not borderline unhealthy. It's hard to feel any better than insignificant when even the concept of normalcy is an outlier out of reach. It affects everything I do: the way I talk, build relationships, present myself, the whole nine yards.

Unlike all the others, I don't want to be forgotten.

I want to be seen.

See me.

Please, for the love of god, see me.