remembering those we loved | Ryan | blitz

lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah
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remembering those we loved | Ryan | blitz Aug 29, 2020 0:20:52 GMT -5

Post by lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah on Aug 29, 2020 0:20:52 GMT -5

a r c h i b a l d .

The urge was strong, the desire to drown myself in the poison that had kept me afloat for the years since I lost her. 1 year I had been sober now, the constant itch to curve my cravings a battle that would rage for a lifetime. It was close to her anniversary, close to the day the sunshine dimmed on my life. But I refused to give in to the urge, instead unsteady hands shoved deep into my pockets I stand before her grave.

Eyes glassy I give her a small smile. Every day I missed her, I missed her smile. I missed the sounds of her laughter. The feeling of her body against mine in a tight embrace. I didn't't think I could ever love anyone as much as I loved her.

"I'll be strong, for you, for all those years I wasted."

Turning away I make my way towards the exit. I'l halfway there when I stop, a girl only a few meters away lays flowers at the grave of what I assumed to be a loved one. Maybe I should simply way away and leave her to grieve in private, but before I can stop myself my feet are carrying themselves towards her, my lips offering a small comforting smile.

"Family?" Maybe what she needed was a shoulder to lay down her grievances on, an ear to listen. I could do that- Ripred knows, I could have used that back when I had first lost my wife.

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ryan
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remembering those we loved | Ryan | blitz Aug 29, 2020 2:06:03 GMT -5

Post by ryan on Aug 29, 2020 2:06:03 GMT -5

You still dont know how to react do you? Years passed since you lost Bella, and you still arent sure if you are quite over it. You tend to your garden often dont you? Adding different types of flowers every year just to have some sort of offering to the dead. You dont come here on the same day you come for Bella, because at the end of the day, she is the first person you cared about.

She is the one you miss the most.

That is why you are here with roses because you are here to see Bella, not mourn the loss of other people because they do not matter do they? Right? That is what you tell yourself as you bring up the fresh picked flowers and give them a deep smell.

Its always weird standing over her grave. But there is a solace in that view, one that you could tell looked back. Maybe it was Bella, trying to find a way to tell you that she is alright, and she is happy, or maybe it is just your imagination running wild again.

You dont even notice the man that has walked up beside you.

"Sister." You looked down for a moment before dropping one of the roses on her grave. "The only family I had left." You look up for a second, not realizing that this might not have been the best time for you. However, a cemetery was not the place to make a scene.

After all, everyone here was here to rest.

And who were you to disturb their slumber?

lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah
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remembering those we loved | Ryan | blitz Aug 29, 2020 2:44:07 GMT -5

Post by lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah on Aug 29, 2020 2:44:07 GMT -5

a r c h i b a l d .

Sister. I looks down at the grave, at the freshly laid flowers. I knew a similar pain to the girl, not the same, but similar. "The only family I had left." My heart aches for her. I couldn't imagine my life without my children. Sure, over the last decade I had treated them like shit, keeping them from the life that they deserved... But slowly I had started making up for it. Atoning for the mistakes of my past. Penance that would last a lifetime.

All those years stolen by my addiction were years that I would never get back. Each of those years my children would never get back. But I had made a vow that I would never allow myself to sink that low ever again. That I would never neglect the last pieces I had of her... Even Ryan. For years I blames him, his birth the complication that stole her life. Always forgetting that he wasn't a murderer, that her death was an accident. Forgetting that Ryan needed me more than ever.

I don't think I could ever quite heal the rift between us. The years of pushing, of unshielded hatred had scarred him. I just hoped that one day he might forgive me.

"I'm sorry for your loss," my voice is quiet, my mind begins transported back to the reality. "What was her name?"

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ryan
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remembering those we loved | Ryan | blitz Aug 29, 2020 3:52:22 GMT -5

Post by ryan on Aug 29, 2020 3:52:22 GMT -5

You looked over your shoulder for a moment, and you wondered what Bella would tell you right now. Sometimes, you feel like maybe it was your fault that she was chosen to go into the games. Like you somehow put it out in the world that you wanted to be alone. Or that you wanted to be a sole survivor.

The wisp of air picked up for a moment, and you would say that you saw a ghost. But it wasnt. Bella Rose was gone, and that was just how it had to be.

You dropped another rose on her grave.

"Bella." you said calmly as you looked up to the man that had been asking all of these questions. You didnt know home, and you had to be honest with yourself.

You didnt care.

But if he was here, that meant that he had to have lost someone too. Maybe a relative? Family member?

loved one?

You looked at him again, trying to keep yourself calm, thinking about how Bella once told you that you needed to be a survivor for her.

And you hated her for that, or at least tried too.

But you didnt need to hate him too.

"My mother and father arent too far from here either."

You didnt need to hate anyone at all did you?

lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah
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remembering those we loved | Ryan | blitz Aug 29, 2020 4:40:11 GMT -5

Post by lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah on Aug 29, 2020 4:40:11 GMT -5

a r c h i b a l d .

"Archie!" her body is consumed by laughter as she is swept off her feet. "Archie put me down!" I don't, cherishing the way she looks at me, the way her smile reaches her eyes, the way her back rumbles against my strong forearms. "We are going to have a baby..." The laughter dies down, her face softening with love and affection. One hand wrapped around my neck the other moves so that her hand can cup my cheek. "You are going to make such a wonderful father."

I turn my head to kiss the palm of her hand, eyes captivated by her own. "And you will be a magnificent mother." I place her feet back on the ground before wrapping my arms around her pulling her in tight. "I have no doubt," the kiss in gentle, one hand cupping the back of her neck.

* * *

She had been a magnificent mother, even if only for a short time.

She tells me that her name was Bella, eyes meeting my own before mentioning that her parents were not far away either. I understood what she meant, they too had been laid to rest in a grave similar to the one we stood by. How tragic, to be so young and to have lost so much. For a moment I is lost for words, my eyes examining the roses by the girls sisters grave. "Bella is a beautiful name," I say at last knelling down beside the grave.

"My Arwen is not far from here."

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ryan
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over the moon, where all the wild things are

remembering those we loved | Ryan | blitz Aug 30, 2020 1:28:03 GMT -5

Post by ryan on Aug 30, 2020 1:28:03 GMT -5

You used to full of anger and sadness. It took years for you to try to find a way to be okay with all of this. The sorrys, the empty promises, the need to be normal. You, Marley Rose, had never known what it meant to be normal. Losing her parents, losing Bella, Ollie, and almost losing Lorenzo? All of it just kind exploded in your face. However, people always mentioned just how strong you were, and you hated when people did that.

You didnt want pity. You never did.

However, people still gave it to you, and it made it harder for you to act like everything was going to be alright. You knew better. It wouldnt me.

But that wasnt the conversation that you were having now was it.

This man was standing in front of you, telling you that Bella was a beautiful name. "I know." you said pointed, like a knife ready to slice into unexpected skin. "Youre not the first person to tell me." You dropped another rose onto her grave before looking at the man again.

"Arwen?" You tried to take a deep breath, you on the edge of exploding in emotion. Instead you offer him a rose. "Do you want to leave a rose on Arwen's grave?" You said softly, lifting a rose up to him. After all, he was hear grieving too.

Right?

lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah
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remembering those we loved | Ryan | blitz Aug 30, 2020 9:40:56 GMT -5

Post by lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah on Aug 30, 2020 9:40:56 GMT -5

a r c h i b a l d .

He watches as she drops another rose by her sisters grave. When her eyes turn towards him he can see a storm of emotions. The pain and the hurt something all too familiar, but in eyes that shone with youth. It shouldn't be like this. A child so young should not know what it was like to experience that much pain.

His mind travels to his own children, to the hardships that they had to endure in their short lives. To losing a mother, a father who neglected them at a time they need him most. They too, had experienced too much in their short lives.

Regret fills him, his eyes avoiding the girls, watching as the petals of the rose dance in the light breeze.

A deep inhale of breath and she offers him one of her roses, "Do you want to leave a rose on Arwen's grave?" At first he is lost for words. The sentiment behind it causing his heart to get clogged in his throat. She was here to grieve her family, flowers she had brought to lay down beside a well kept grave, and yet she offered one to a stranger.

Nodding, he takes the flower. "I would love too. I think she would too." Blue eyes search the girls, "was the rose your sisters favourite flower?"