cross your heart | {kieran} | Hunger Games: The RPG

kait but as dars
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honey honey

cross your heart | {kieran} Aug 29, 2020 0:23:26 GMT -5

Post by kait but as dars on Aug 29, 2020 0:23:26 GMT -5

kieran.

You don't remember being scared.

Right before you're about to walk up on that stage and give you introductory speech, the moment at which you are going to tell Ten exactly what it is you think that you can do for them, you think back on your morning and you—you can't remember being afraid. You think, surely, that you must have been, that there's no way you could wake up on what might be one of the biggest days of your life and not be afraid for what was going to come next. You couldn't wake up, about to change your entire life, and not be just a little bit scared.

But, you have to wonder if perhaps that's not true.

Because you have truly never felt more settled than you do during those moments before you are about to step on that stage. You have a million things you're worried about, a almost-ghost where your the love of your life should be, two children and their daycare to worry about, baby clothes that needed folding, a herd of cows that you missed horribly, inextricably. And it's thoughts of your children though that remind you all over again why you're doing this, exactly whose future it was that made you wonder about the future of every child in Ten.

This, you think, heart thudding inside of your chest is where you belong.

You inhale deeply, put on the smile that your mother and father trained you so well in, and take the first step up to that dais, ready to take your place where you're sure you belong.

kait but as dars
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honey honey

cross your heart | {kieran} Aug 29, 2020 9:40:29 GMT -5

Post by kait but as dars on Aug 29, 2020 9:40:29 GMT -5

kieran.

You feel light as air after the speech.

You can't deny being proud of yourself. It's different from the ways in which you were when you were younger though, son of two victors and more than happy to make sure that everyone remembered. Different from the boy who used to dream about being a victor, about wearing a crown atop his head, crowd of fans in the Capitol cheering his name.

You're proud now of who you are, the man you have become; moreso even than that, you are proud that you are not the man you could have been. You're proud of your family, and the roof you have built over their head, the home that you have so carefully cultivated over these last years. You know that things aren't perfect, that there's a part of you that is going to miss being accountable only really to your family, to your wife who you know needs you more maybe than she ever had before, but. This is the life you have created for yourself: one that isn't all about you, but about protecting those that you love.

Family over glory.

And now this: trying to expand hundredfold the scope of those you could protect.

kait but as dars
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honey honey

cross your heart | {kieran} Aug 29, 2020 9:58:12 GMT -5

Post by kait but as dars on Aug 29, 2020 9:58:12 GMT -5

kieran.

"What makes you so sure you could help?" a girl asks you as you're walking down the street, can't be any older than fourteen, maybe fifteen, but you have to stop. Her voice should be honey around all those vowels, but her brows are furrowed, her mouth a flat line. She really wants to know. You know that most people probably wouldn't take her seriously, especially someone like you. People have been trying to get your attention your entire life.

Son of two victors, you have no idea what it's like to not be the center of attention.

But you know your answer.

So you give it to her.

You let a gentle little smile slip onto your face, adjust the baby where she's cradled to your chest and tell her the exact thing that makes you sure you can do right by Ten, the thing that you could go on and on about but really boils down into one very simple truth.

"Because I have hope."

kait but as dars
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cross your heart | {kieran} Aug 30, 2020 8:48:29 GMT -5

Post by kait but as dars on Aug 30, 2020 8:48:29 GMT -5

kieran.

When you wake on the second Monday of the month, Paige is still asleep, and you lay in bed for a long while just listening to her breathe. The sun isn't up yet,

You aren't allowed to do this, think like this, wonder what you are going to do if she doesn't come back to you. You don't allow yourself thoughts like this, especially not right now, when you need to believe that your becoming mayor isn't going to be another thing that makes her slip away from you just that little bit more.

Gently, you run just the tip of your pointer finger over the slant of her cheekbone, face made softer by sleep. You can't tell if your chest feels hollow or if it feels filled with warmth anymore.

You pull your hand back, inhale, and brush away your goosebumps.

She'll come back.

She has to.

Until then, you push the blankets away from just you and let her keep sleeping, before going to get ready for another long day of trying to convince the district that you are capable of being their leader.

kait but as dars
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cross your heart | {kieran} Aug 30, 2020 9:27:16 GMT -5

Post by kait but as dars on Aug 30, 2020 9:27:16 GMT -5

kieran.

There were a lot of phases Kieran Emberstatt had gone through in his life.

For instance, back when he still lived with his mother, he’d convinced himself he was adopted and then spent months trying to hunt down his birth certificate without his mom knowing. He succeeded. And even though it disproved his theory, he thought, hey! I’m pretty good at this! Which sparked the beginning of his detective phase. He went around to all the kids in his grade and let them know that, should they need any kind of mystery solved, he’d be more than willing to lend his abilities.

There was the time when, shortly after moving to Ten when he was eleven, he’d gotten it into his head that he wanted to open a vet clinic. Probably, he’d just been excited to see so many animals at once who weren’t starving to death and raising someone’s trash can for scraps that they wouldn’t find. But he found himself asking his father every day after school if they could stop off at Ma’s so he could lend a hand, which mostly meant petting horses until the sun began to set.

There was even a phase where he thought he’d need to volunteer for the Games in order to rise to his family’s standards. It wasn’t that they’d ever made him feel like he had to: of course they hadn’t. But they were all big names, every single one of them. And he feared he would always be small. Year after year, another trip to the Capitol, he became more and more convinced of what he should do, and it wasn’t until his best friend died that he realized he couldn’t— and wouldn’t— ever volunteer for something like that.

Leading the district he hadn’t ever considered, strangely enough. Perhaps it was because Mace had done it, and then Aunt Reggie, and for so long someone in the family was seeing over the district that it hadn’t ever clicked to him that it was a job that might eventually fall to him. And it wasn’t that he feared leading; on the contrary, even as a child, leadership had always come rather easily to him. His biggest reservation was that he had two children to think about, and a wife who was finally feeling human again, and a house that he loved and needed to take care of. He had a family. He’d already made a life, and doing this might’ve meant changing those things forever. But it wasn’t until Aunt Reggie had announced that she wouldn’t be running in the upcoming election, and then Mace didn’t say anything about running again, and everyone began to quietly worry that someone who didn’t know what they were doing was going to step in that Kieran had decided he didn’t really have a choice.

“I’ll run, then.”

And he got that look from them that he loved to get every single time. The one where they held nothing but pride and respect for him. Aunt Reggie’s hand on the small of his back, Saffron’s smile, Mace’s slow nod. Even Enzo had whoop whooped. And then he’d looked at Paige, fearing that he’d see worry or hesitation in her eyes. She’s only smiled warmly, leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

He could do this.

He would do this.

He had no choice now.

kait but as dars
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honey honey

cross your heart | {kieran} Aug 30, 2020 9:38:19 GMT -5

Post by kait but as dars on Aug 30, 2020 9:38:19 GMT -5

kieran.

“We should— ackh, no...”

Emerson nibbled on a piece of jerky, absent minded, eyes wide with disinterest. He’d stopped listening at least ten minutes ago and began staring at the tiny little hole that he’d caused the month before when he’d decided the toy arrows that went with his bows weren’t effective enough. He’d popped the suction cup ends off of them and managed to stick one six inches deep into the ceiling of the living room. It’d been days before anyone noticed; he got the feeling the little guy was proud of his work.

“We must give our children... Wait, Elonna, what’s the line?”

She’d been waving his speech around like it was a plane, but she stopped and handed it over to him, a look of discontent playing itself over her blue eyes when he took it from her to read it.

“Hey, you’re supposed to remember this,” he said, smirking as he flipped through the pages. In her outskirts-of-toddler speak, she said, “Can I just pway outside, man?!”

He huffed out a laugh, his eyes flicking between the two of them. He’d held them captive long enough.

“Fine. But stay in the yard!” they were already running toward the door. “I mean it! If you get lost in the woods we are just going to leave you there!” They slammed the door without ever acknowledging him. He chuckled one more time, before looking at his speech.

It was covered in pink and blue glitter pen.

“When did she—”

kait but as dars
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honey honey

cross your heart | {kieran} Aug 30, 2020 10:51:39 GMT -5

Post by kait but as dars on Aug 30, 2020 10:51:39 GMT -5

kieran.

Months of planning, weeks of preparing, days of doing. Kieran Emberstatt has been busy trying to convince the masses that he was better than his competitors, that the Emberstatt hands were still the best hands to be in.

Here’s the thing: the numbers were in and, despite doing and saying as much as he could, he was only just breaking even. The early numbers were split between himself and McFadden; he’d figured as much. The battle between two old bloodlines. Kieran, who came from a family of leaders and Marlboro, who’d already done this before himself.

He’d spent too many nights contemplating how he could outmaneuver someone who’d done this before. He knew in that moment, sitting in his office running his hands through his hair, that another moment of worry would’ve been too much. So he got up from his desk and clicked off the light of his lamp, made his way downstairs to find his wife just finishing the dishes. He wrapped his arms around the small of her waist, swayed back and forth as he rested his chin in the bend of her neck.

“Come with me,” he whispered. He took her hand and led her to the porch. The owls and crickets were at war with their songs, a symphony of nature’s finest. He placed Paige’s hands around his neck, let his own fall to her hips.

He’d been busy; but he would never be too busy for this.

“Dance with me,” he asked. And they did, letting the woods be their song, letting their heartbeats be the tempo. They danced until the thoughts in his head were gone, and it was just the two of them and an entire world for them to take.

“I love you,” he said at last.

kait but as dars
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cross your heart | {kieran} Aug 30, 2020 12:40:19 GMT -5

Post by kait but as dars on Aug 30, 2020 12:40:19 GMT -5

kieran.

“It is personal,” he spoke directly into the receiver, his head buried in the palm of his hand as he explained, “We can’t keep teaching our children that the only acceptable career choice for them is to be a farmhand. We can’t keep teaching our children that the biggest hope they can have for themselves is that they eventually get to own their own ranch.”

He paused a moment, waiting for the person on the other side of the phone— someone from the press— to finish speaking.

“Yes, I am well aware of our District’s main export. But things are changing. The times are changing, and we have to be able to change with them.”

He resented the idea of being left behind. He resented the idea of his people being left behind.

“I have two children. If they grow up and wish to become farmers, then I will fully support them. But that isn’t the point. The point is that now, there are other options available. Just because something is new, and it wasn’t there for us when we were younger, doesn’t mean we should be afraid of it.”

Another pause.

“Yes, of course you can quote me on that.”

He snapped his fingers at Emerson, who was very quietly attempting to toss a rope out of the window of Kieran’s second-story window. He’d fashioned knots in it and, presumably, had full intentions of climbing out on it. This time, he stopped when he knew Kieran saw him.

“No, thank you,” he said at last, clicking the phone closed.

“Emerson Lyle! Have you lost your mind?!”