.spoke my name, I felt your pain . kopal

o p a l .

"Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be"

There was a word that had been lingering at the edge of her mind ever since Olivia had broken her. It was sitting, tentatively before her, long dark trails stretching into the crevices of her anguish and pushing themselves in deeper. She could feel the roots she thought she had destroyed springing up once more. That poignant ache that had rattled her entire being and left behind a hollow husk of a body. She could remember the doctor sitting in front of her, scribbling down notes as he asked her question after question.

She could remember not answering a single one, too lost within the abyss of her mind. A part of her, within her eyes, pleading for help, wanting some to just reach in and save her from drowning. But, by then, their concerns were shifting from her shattered mind and broken spirit and moving to focus on the little life that was growing inside her. Some part of her believes that if she had received the help, she was so desperate for back then, then maybe she could have come out of it all stronger. A better-prepared person to handle it all.

They’d called it depression.

The cashier gave her an apologetic smile as she fumbled over the bunch of flowers and box of chocolates she had purchased. Opal wasn’t entirely sure if the sad smile was for the loss of her tribute, or for the fact that she visibly winced and gritted her teeth as the pain flared up in her bandaged hand. Either way, Opal didn’t want her pity, so she tucked the change into her pocket and disappeared from the store as quickly as she could. All around her, she was drowning in faces warped by fake sympathy and apologetic smiles that made her seeth.

Opal had been foolish enough to believe that Jade would come home, unable to fathom how a career with five kills could get taken out by a recovering drunk from five. It had been there, a reprieve from her own suffering right before her. Ky would have been safe for another year; Opal wouldn’t be looking behind her every step she took wondering how long it would take for Olivia to punish her again. There was fear, twisted and warped inside of her belly, it kept her up at night in a way the games had, worrying when another person would come for her and try to kill her. It was insane to think, that all these years later, she would once again be feeling those same raw, terrifying emotions.

She cursed, moving into an awkward run as she raced towards the train platform. She was running late, and she knew that Katelyn was going to be waiting for her, she had asked the woman to meet her there before she left. Her body, heart, and soul all ached, but for now, she had managed to stop the bleeding. For now, her focus was on the relationship she had with the woman she loved. She could put aside her suffering, her pain to spend these last few moments with Katelyn the way they both deserved.

The train platform came into view, and Opal sped up, moving as quickly as she could, eyes shifting over the crowd until she spotted Katelyn. She looked radiant, and Opal’s sense of loss extinguishes, a warmth spreading through her chest as a smile found its way to her lips. She planted herself in front of Katelyn, teeth flashing as she pushed the flowers and chocolates into her girlfriend’s direction.

“I know it’s a little late, but happy anniversary, Katelyn,” she said, the warmth in her voice blooming red across her cheeks as she leaned forwards to cover Katelyn’s cheeks in a dozen kisses. “I love you, and I am so grateful for everything you’ve done for me.”

o p a l .

"Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be"

The reaction was immediate and knocked Opal back a few steps. She was honestly not expecting Katelyn to start crying and it tugged at her heart. The words that flowed from her mouth biting into her skin. Had no one ever treated her like this? Opal had to think for a moment, the memories she had of Potato were hazy at best. In the few days she had spent with him before he had died, he had taken her on a picnic and showered her with a lifetime worth of love. He knew how to treat someone, and it just felt normal to treat people in that same way.

The tears seemed to remain in her eyes, and Opal broadened her smile, hoping that keeping the mood light and happy would make them stop. “You deserve more than just chocolates and flowers. You deserve a lifetime full of them, so I hope you have enough vases for all the flowers you’re going to get!”

She laughed; the sound cut off as Katelyn kissed her. She leaned into the kiss, enjoying the carefree feeling of her soft lips pressed against Katelyn’s. Even amongst all the pain and suffering, and the shadows that weaved themselves across her mind, she could still feel her heart lighten when Katelyn touched her. There was power within those hands and a strength that made Opal feel stronger, as though Olivia couldn’t quite break her completely.

Katelyn spoke quickly, halting a few times to swallow her nerves. It looked endearing, and she reached for Katelyn’s hand with her one good one, fingers finding their way to hers. Then, it was as if the dam broke, and the words flowed from Katelyn’s mouth in an endless stream, tripping over one another to be heard.

Opal stared, smile only growing with the question. Her heart skipped a bit, stomach twisting with nerves as she squeezed her girlfriend’s hand. The thought had crossed her mind over the past few days since Jade’s death. Once inter-district travel opened again, Opal wanted to spend time in district eleven. She wanted to stay there for longer than the one day she had been granted to visit Potato’s grave.

It sounded incredible, the idea of spending each and every day with Katelyn, escaping the prison in district one, and roaming over open fields. She wanted that illusion of freedom, where she wasn’t alone in that big house of hers. Where she wasn’t afraid that the darkness inside her would swallow Ky.

Opal leaned forwards, kissing Katelyn on the cheek, before resting her head on Katelyn’s shoulder, feeling the warmth of her body against her own.

“That sounds like an amazing idea,” she said, the smell of spring and flowers wafting through the air between them. There was peace, within the bustling station, where for a moment the world was just the two of them. “I’d love to come over, for more than just a day. I want to see the district more and spend my days with you. We get so little time together, I want to lie with you at night, and stare at the stars-“

She cut herself off, pink blooming across cheeks as she pulled her head off Katelyn’s shoulders. The words just wanted to fall from her lips, she wanted to tell Katelyn about everything she wanted to do with her. There were so many things, she could have stood there for hours saying them all, but they were running out of time. Katelyn’s train would be coming and going at any point now.

“I want to come over and as soon as I can, I will be there.”

o p a l .

"Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be"

The hug went on until the train whistled. Even though Opal knew she had held onto that embrace for a long time, she felt the warmth disperse too quickly. The space between them grew, inch by inch, and Opal felt her heart tightened, a need to hold her for longer and crush this desire to feel her touch. She wanted it back again.

"I love you," she whispered into Katelyn's ear.

She hoped that the districts would open travel quickly, she didn't want to wait until the next games to see Katelyn again. It was a long time to spend in that house, Ky disappearing more and more and leaving her alone. It was exhausting, working in the career training centre, to return home to darkness, and empty quietness that filled every corner. It had been a long time since the warmth of the sun had blissfully crept across the kitchen counter as she had listened to Ky talk and laugh. Or those mornings spent in her garden, greeted by a light breeze and rays of light that promised a day that would be okay.

Gardening and perhaps even training would be off the table for another week. Her hand wouldn't be able to manage it. But even the wound she carried would not be a good enough excuse to give her time off. The expectation would be for her to work through it, no matter how much it hurt. Just like any good career.

"I'm going to miss you too, Katelyn," so incredibly much.

Katelyn pulled away and Opal felt her face drop a bit, but she covered it quickly with a smile. There was no point in making this worse then it had to be. The longing that greeted her as Katelyn turned to face her again made her throat tightened. Opal swallowed stiffly, feeling the lump in her throat budge, only slightly as she waved at her girlfriend.

With all the pain and suffering of these games, she felt okay. Even the creeping edge of her depression felt survivable when she looked at Katelyn. She might be alone back in district one, but here, in the Capitol she had the person she loved.

A year, she set her mouth in a tight line, hand only dropping to her side once Katelyn had vanished from her sight. She could survive another year by herself, she could fight her demons and hold them at bay. Her hand protested painfully and she flinched, her good hand tightening by her side.

She was strong enough. She had survived this long.

I can make it one more year.

When she turned, she felt her gaze drifting backward, the smile slipping as she watched the train begin to move.

The space around her felt empty, and once more she was alone.