lumi cartwright || district 3 || done

 lumi cartwright

After all, isn't it easy to feel nothing? She has an architect's touch, able to see the beauty in concrete foundation and steel crossbeams. She lives in her own head, where even vibrant colors go dull through a monochrome lens. She's happiest on her own, where no one can ask why she smells of wintergreen and misunderstandings. It's not apathy, it's late autumn and the winter chill that has infected her. The leaves wait to fall with baited breath, but they haven't yet.

Lumi knows well the taste of swallowed words and the feeling of fake smiles she hasn't bothered to bear for years now. They never stopped the accusations dancing in her parents' gazes, anyway. That made them useless, and she refuses to suffer a foolish wish. She's yet to figure out how to stop the bitter twinge in her chest when she sees the way they look at her little brother, though. His cheeks still swollen with an innocence he hasn't ruined, boasting how he can still look at Lumi like she's something wonderful even after all her attempts to make him fear her.

She's starting to think she's not as strong as she'd like to be.

On the train she tells herself it's a good thing that her name was called. There were kids in front of her, smelling of citrus and compassion, hands clasped together as they muttered prayers under their breath. It was a good thing they'd taken a piece of District Three that had never belonged there anyway.

The relief in the other's eyes when they called Lumi's name and not theirs had made her feel something. Too hot, like a flame dancing in a newborn fire, but something different.

And she's terrified - of course she is. You'd have to be stupid not to grow attached to your own heart's beating the minute you're told it's going to stop. Hell, she's more fond of the thing now than she's ever been. She's angry and confused and desperate - she doesn't want to die but still takes pride in the fact that she's not stupid enough to believe she won't.

She's got an architect's eye, looking at the bone foundation beneath her skin and wondering how long it will be until that's all that's left.

It'll be a short wait, at least.