and away we go // zel's toast

It wasn't my idea, this campaign. It's evident in every piece of myself that the crowded room sees. Ff it was up to me, I'd be left alone to whither in peace. As it turns out, I do not have control over my own life and I don't get an opinion. It belongs half to the Fenwicks, half to the Capitol.

I was happy to give the position away after it seemed that the interim council would be disbanding to make way for a new, more permanent council. I wasn't expecting to be nominated to remain on it. Being able to comment on law as the sole owner of a firm and as minister of law seemed to be too useful. Fighting the Fenwick patriarch became futile long ago when my uncle says 'jump' I ask 'how high?'

At least this little party has vodka.

People speak at the podium about how wonderful I am, about my many accomplishments but they ring hollow in my ears. They mean nothing to me. Yes, I'm a decorated veteran, a former Gamemaker of a successful games, I have a spot in the ministry but I've never felt that I achieved those things on my own.

They were handed to me, my last name ever the golden ticket.

The law firm wasn't ever even my idea, it was his. He left me by his own hand and I'm still picking up the pieces. I've accomplished little in my life except for raising a son that has more love for me than I deserve.

Maybe once upon a time, I believed in a bright future but now I know that it will only ever be filled with shades of grey. That's alright, it's just that I'm like this, that guilt sleeps on my sternum each night. I helped murder twenty-three children, I smiled and waved while doing so.

I don't have to try tonight, my name is enough. Even if I refused it, I know I'd always still end up here, only the best for Fenwick's brightest, right?

So I raise a glass, a rueful smile on my lips as the crowd waits with bated breath.

"Thank-you for your support," I say, "Enjoy your evening, courtesy of my generous donors."

The dance is hardly difficult to mimic. I don't need to remind them why I'm here, why they should support me for council because my record has already been laid bare to the Capitol for years. I just need to show up.

And I have.

So I leave the small stage, draped in campaign flags and lit up with lights, I make my way through the crowd and shake hands, drop my little anecdotes. They love me, they always have but they don't know me and I'm beginning to understand that no one ever truly will again.

Seems like justice.

[dars]