cassie lawson / eight. fin

🌱 kaitlin. Graphics 2,682 POSTS Pronouns: she/her last seen Apr 18, 2024 17:52:34 GMT -5 aspiring beam of light	cassie lawson / eight. fin Sept 21, 2020 22:34:21 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Sept 21, 2020 22:34:21 GMT -5 cassie lawson nineteen district eight remy & ginny & katie (& ever too) 🥰 the penniless tutors future wife 🥰
	Last Edit: Oct 2, 2020 7:57:09 GMT -5 by 🌱 kaitlin. what are men to rocks and mountains? a haunted house.

🌱 kaitlin.
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aspiring beam of light

cassie lawson / eight. fin Sept 22, 2020 18:38:42 GMT -5

Quote

Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Sept 22, 2020 18:38:42 GMT -5

HER EYES WERE
UNTRANSLATABLE.

As long as you can remember, you've been hungry for more.

It's not that you aren't grateful for the things that you have, because you are. You love your family more than you know how to put into words. Remy and her questions has a way of making you think that you don't think anyone else in the world would be able to make you. You love sitting in front of the fire place with Ginny, watching her turn nothing into something beautiful, love running a brush through her hair and weaving it up into something intricate. When Katie plays her music, you can feel it all the way down to your bones, can feel it in your heart of hearts that it is something magical, something special. You're grateful for your sisters, grateful that your mother has always been kinder than you think anyone else in the world is, but still.

There's that part of you in the back of your mind that is always just that little bit jaded, the part of you that you are so deeply ashamed of, the part of you that you have absolutely no idea how to control despite trying to for so many years.

Sometimes you think that it's because propriety always came more easily to you. It was never hard for you to remember that you should keep your back straight, shoulders squared. You always, even from childhood, knew exactly the right way to greet people, the way you should look them in the eye when they speak and be engaged, even when they were horribly terribly endlessly fucking dull. You never struggled to plaster a little smile on your face, never struggled to make your eyes kind, never struggled to stay engaged. You know that it infuriated Remy and the others sometimes, that to them it always seemed like things just came so easily to you. The oldest one, the one who got to go to the parties before the rest of them, the one who got the pretty dresses the family couldn't afford, the one who boys paid attention to first in whatever room you walked into. The girl with empty pockets that everyone wanted to buy an entire world for.

You think that's why you're so good at acting.

Because really, you are wearing a mask all the goddamned time, aren't you?

Every single day of your life your life it feels like you're just holding your breath waiting for something to happen, something to be magic, something to make you feel something bigger than you are. You want to see the entire world, want someone to come and find you and take you away from here, give you a world full of beautiful things that makes you feel like some kind of princess from another lifetime. Every day, it feels like time is slipping away from you somehow, like the world is just getting smaller and smaller every time you take a breath. You want for your family to be enough, want to not think about it every time Ma asks you to sell another one of your old dresses. You don't want to think about how you don't have a single thing in your life that you're desperately passionate about in the way that Remy is passionate about writing, the way that Ginny is goes on and on about art, the way Katie would live inside of her music if she could. You don't want to think about the fact that the only thing you know how to want is just more.

You like yourself the best you think when you're pretending to be someone that you're not, and that's what scares you the most about yourself, about your life.

It takes you a long time to really recognize it, the correlation between you being good at acting with you pretending every day to be kinder than you think you really are. Remy starts writing her plays so early in her life that it often feels like they are just a thing that all of you have always done. You were always the one that the town liked to talk about most, the one who's performance always got the most praise. Your sisters always did a good job, and you couldn't have done it without Remy's writing, but still—it was you. That Cassie Lawson, they would say. She could do something with that.

You remember wanting to shout back what!, remember being desperate to know what can I do with it?

You still haven't figured it out.

SHE WAS MADE ENTIRELY OF A
SWEETNESS BORDERING ON TEARS.

Clarice Lispector, from “The Servant”,

Last Edit: Oct 1, 2020 7:50:50 GMT -5 by 🌱 kaitlin.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

🌱 kaitlin. Graphics 2,682 POSTS Pronouns: she/her last seen Apr 18, 2024 17:52:34 GMT -5 aspiring beam of light	cassie lawson / eight. fin Oct 1, 2020 8:04:28 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Oct 1, 2020 8:04:28 GMT -5 mayhaps i leave it here gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale ✨ gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan
	what are men to rocks and mountains? a haunted house.

✨ Advertiser 8,136 POSTS Pronouns: she/her last seen Apr 18, 2024 18:23:42 GMT -5 bloomtodeath	cassie lawson / eight. fin Oct 2, 2020 22:10:29 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ✨ on Oct 2, 2020 22:10:29 GMT -5 6000th post for this baY00tiful bio
	“and men said that the blood of the stars flowed in her veins.”