a little longer [luella's last]

I am broken.

A tale. A lesson. A moral. The end of a story to warn others. I am broken, but isn't everything broken? Pieces lost to us over time, we've gotten used to be being broken pieces of a clearer pictures, unable to come back together. I am a broken picture, never quite the same again; glued pieces of glass hiding away the picture beneath. Over time, I grew up with nothing more than my Nana and Papa to give me the love I wanted; built a safe haven when the world was just as shattered as my own heart had been. Will my brokenness still stand, through those wooden walls, covered in floral wallpaper and laughter of my brothers and sisters who I would have willingly died to protect? I will never know for I am far too broken now.

My fingers are wrapped in Lumi's, holding on to her life, abandoning all caution to the sand below me. Sword dropped beside me, ignoring the protection it holds. I am not a hero. I am not strong enough to protect them. Lumi and Finn. Both of them weren't supposed to die, especially not like this. Animals prowling about, cutting down tributes. Ending the last words from their lips and bringing forth the Capitol's wishes; blood to be spilled in the name of fear. I will not die afraid of the Capitol.

I will not die the way my mother and father did.

I've known since my name was pulled from the glass bowl; death would come to me one way or another. Blood spilled over another kid's sword or by the Capitol's own hands. Either way, I knew I was going to die from the moment I stared back at my Nana's eyes and saw grief already written in them. Analise and Amira crying with the same grief my Nana felt. We all already knew my death would come. My voice lost forever to a game of brutality. I've stood in front of Peacekeepers; stood tall with not words, but the ones I knew protected my siblings. I am not alone in this field of sand, blood, and tears.

The family I lost in the orphanage stand with me, a message of our loss in the form of my limbs, buried beneath my brain with the memories of loss. I have lost too much to not give in to what I want. Protecting others when no one else can; I've always been a guardian, a sister, and a friend to anyone who needed me to be.

The blood comes in strikes against my skin, burning wounds dripping blood, my foot aches, but there is nothing I can do. I shield myself over Lumi, breath through the air and hold her hand tighter with every strike. Lumi and Finn would get to live longer, breath for longer, and that's what I live for. I live to give more life to others, let them breathe when the world won't let them. A freedom in my veins taking over as I can feel the wounds burn hotter and hotter, but the world gets colder and colder. Sand is everywhere among the outfits they dressed us in.

"If you die for me I'll never forgive you."

I could live with that.

The words from her lips are weak, but I can't let her go. I can't let someone so young and so strong leave the world this way. "Live. Please. Just live." I don't let the words phase me, my fingers tighten around her hand, no words from my lips. Lumi was like my sisters; Analise and Amira. They didn't want to be liabilities, but none of them were. I would die if it meant all of them get to live a happy long life. I would die to give them more time in this world. I was not afraid of death.

Death's been following me for years.

Bullet holes to remind me that they were always there.

"You’re not going to die alone."

None of them would. FIn was right about that. None of them would die alone. All of them were now family; born from different homes, but brought together to fight against fear. Part of my heart aches for them, knowing that our stories will never end with happiness. More fear will take place at the center of our stories, even in death, we'll be a spark of fear, but hopefully change. I don't want the world to take anymore from us. I want kids like us to breathe, smile, recover, and laugh. We were supposed to be kids after all.

I wanted to be home dancing with Analise and Amira to some old record from a time long before. I wanted to be spending nights in their room laughing about dumb boys and dumb girls. I wanted to play with Analise's hair and tell her about how I feel so scared some days, but still stand up to Keepers because of their love. I want to teach Amira how to skip rocks by the lake or to fish like Papa and I used to do in the springtime. I wanted more time, but time was running out.

I was running out of time.

Blood filled wounds and pain springing to life.

Exhaustion burning throughout my entire body.

"Until the end."

In the end, Lumi's words weren't for me.

I was just another girl trying to protect her from the mutts. Another face in the twenty three others who were fighting just like her. I protected her for as long as I can, blood dripping from my wounds. I grasp as tight as I can to her hand, feeling myself falling farther from life. A paw crashes into my body; the world spins and all I can feel is Lumi's hand in my own. Blood stained clothes and a blood stained sword near me. It's in this single moment that I can see Finn saying the same words back, filled with a love of new friends.

I did what I was supposed to.

I gave them a little longer.

Let them breathe a little longer.

Let them live a little longer.

"U-Until the end-d..."