no i could never give you peace [open]

Its been months since she’s really shown her face around the capitol. After the events of the 85th, she knew it was best for her to take her time, and just exist. She had come so close, yet again, and yet here she was, mourning the loss of another two tributes that had come so close. 

Maybe she just wasn’t enough? Sure, Beck had come home, and Bell, and Noel both had proven that they were top contenders for the crown, but still. Was that enough? She always had mixed feelings on the aftermath of a games, mostly because she knew that there was just a low chance that they would come home. She always took each day with a grain of salt, and sometimes she would play out scenarios in her head that would have made more sense. 

But of course, she was not a game maker, and she never would step into those waters because she was not Cricket Antoinette. Given that she had never met the victor, her reputation had preceded her multiple times, and Annie really did hope that she would never have the chance. The career side of her would probably feel some sort of comradery, but every other side of her would probably take a knife to Cricket’s throat. Of course, that would be hypothetical, and she had realized that she might have been a bit too kind to actually do anything more than bat an eyelash and maybe share words that were not becoming of a lady.

Annie knew well that she would never be a proper lady anyway.

---

And so she hid in one of the many rooftop cafes of the capitol because she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be found right now. Even by Shelby at this point, who she had to admit to herself, things were actually not going awful. Sure, they have only seen each other a handful of times since, but Annie knew that Shelby had been dealing with the calamity that had rocked the very core of eight. She wanted to be there, but she didn’t know in what kind of capacity. It was best for her to just let it all work itself out, because she knew what it was like to have someone self-insert themselves into her life, and she wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

She stirred a couple sugars into her tea before realizing that she had actually been without alcohol for at least a couple weeks now. Of course, social drinking had almost been expected at this point of every victor, but the fact that she was looking out into the capitol with no booze in hand impressed even herself. Annie had always been the type of victor to feed off their vices, but after years of coping, she was starting to get used to it. She didn’t need it, even when she thought she did, and drinking the pain away was not going to bring back all the tributes that she had loss.

She did pour one out for Finley and Berlin, Harper and Cole, Noel, and Dom and Perdita. Elite and Bell would always be different stories to her. She had no problem admitting that she wasn’t a fan of them, even though they both proved that they were threats. Their deaths hadn’t affected Annie the way the others did, especially the latter half that list. Once she got passed the 82nd, she realized that her tributes had been able to go the distance just like she did. It was just always unfortunate when they fell. 

She wondered if she would ever find peace.

Probably not if she was being honest with herself. Not until she pulled a Katelyn or an Opal and just disappeared from the public for a while. She had a rare occurrence where she could. Beck was young and doe-eyed enough to take over the mantle. Annie had already guided him through his first games as mentor, and now he could take the reigns if she really wanted to leave. She always found ways to keep herself there, because she knew the weight of the world would probably crush Beck if she did not lift it with him. Leon had pretty much gone into obscurity, and while she wished he had been around more, she had done just fine on her own. 

After all, Beck was proof of that.

---

She took a sip of tea and simply looked out into the distance before realizing that time had passed rather quickly. The sun was starting to descend, and she had been in such a stupor that she didn’t even realize that food had been brought out to her. She wasn’t sure who ordered it, but she realized that someone had to have been watching her. Someone had always been. She couldn’t escape the eyes after all. 

Even when she wanted to be hidden.

She pulled up her legs and continued to look out into the distance, her tea in hand, taking long sips as she tried to collect her thoughts. She wondered if she was ever going to find peace, but she knew the answer to that already.

They all did.