Not Going To Die [Harbinger]

It's just another sleepless night leading to the reaping. I'm always worried about what will happen, and so many times I can't turn my mind off. I've seen first hand what happens in the games, and what it does to people. I know what it's done to me, and I'm so afraid they'll snatch my children out from under me. Right now the odds are somewhat in my favor knowing that Vera is still so young, but each year she grows older, and it's a fear of mine. And at first, I think everything is going to turn out okay, and then I'm watching from the stage as everything happens, and all I can do is hold my breath. What is she doing?

I'm completely dumbfounded. Nesya volunteered for the games, and all I want to do is go find Navya and talk to her. Right now she'll have a lot on her plate knowing her sister stupidly volunteered for the games. Sometimes I wonder what runs through their thick skulls. Look at what happened to Tamron. He volunteered, and now he's dead. Sure, he wanted to help the district, but why are they so stupid? Neysa didn't have to volunteer. She didn't have to help the district or the person who was reaped. It's hard to even think straight right now, and all I can do is ball my hands into fists and move through the crowd.

I try not to kick the chair off the stage as I stand there perfectly still. My lips curl, and I'm trying to be courageous and strong and not say a word, but it's so hard right now. But once everyone leaves, I sit back down. The Capitol didn't take my family this time. They didn't rig it against me. Neysa is rebellious. She's stupid, and dumb, so maybe I need to stoop to her level. The Capitol didn't touch Vera this year, and it brings a smile to my face. I can take them to the Capitol, and I can play it off to Navya as a way to help her. Yeah. That's exactly what I'll do.

I need to help Navya out as much as I can right now, and knowing that I'm leaving her behind with six kids to look after, it pains me. Every year I venture to the Capitol because I have to. I talked to her for a bit, and I wanted to take all of them with me, but she didn't want me to. I get where she's coming from because six is a lot to look after, and plus I can't abandon my victor duties once I'm there. Keeping up with even a couple of them is hard enough, let alone looking after the tributes hoping they'll understand and find a way to survive.

For a moment, I look around unsure of what to even do right now, but I hug my family, and I ask the children who all wants to come making sure to ask the older ones first. Hopefully not having to look after six kids will give Nayva the chance to wind down, and not focus on every bad thing. I know it's going to be hard and difficult. I know it's not going to be easy because it's hard watching loved ones go through the game especially when they volunteered like a buffoon. Doesn't matter though. I have to do what I can to help Neysa even though she's a bit more than I'm prepared for.