erase the pain. kopal

They were dead, two tributes lost one after the other. Opal sighed, leaning into the couch as she drew the glass of whiskey up to her lips. She took a sip, closing her eyes as the silence in the room echoed. There was no point in following the rest of the fights, it was over, another year where she would be returning with no new victor- only two caskets. Neither of the tributes had really tugged on her heart strings, they’d been aloof, refusing to interact with anyone but each other and the frenzied relationship that had burst between them explained why.

She hoped that at least they had the chance to have some fun before they were killed. She took another draw, draining the glass as she pulled herself from the couch cushions. It had been a massacre, four other tributes working together to murder the two careers, a tactic Opal hadn’t seen for a very long time. It seemed almost perplexing, there had been much bigger threats in the arena, hell even in that fight. The air that the district one teenagers had given off had been one of indifference, no real bloodlust or desire to confront others. But then, it had always been that way, a target on your back because of where they came from.

The bottle of whiskey was almost empty, Opal placed the cup in the sink, draining the last few droplets straight into her mouth before tossing the bottle in the recycling bin. The apartment felt large and empty, it was a feeling she couldn’t really escape. It followed her all the way back to district one, stuck in a house with more rooms then she cared to have. Her time in district eleven had only forced that emptiness to flourish as she was swallowed by a district that felt livelier and more familiar then one had ever been.

There was something unforgettable about seeing the way Vasco’s face had lit up when she’d handed him a bunch of flowers. The embrace that had followed had left her feeling lost, a sense of aching for more as she’d watched district eleven disappear on the train ride home. She missed it, and the comfort it bought with it. Part of her was ready to let her mentoring position go, handing the reigns fully over to Ridley (definitely not Justice) and retiring.

Olivia was sure to disapprove of that idea, but with Ky no longer reaping age it was a risk she was contemplating. The reality of her life and what she was becoming was settling in. She’d spent night after night staring at the space her finger had been, knowing that no matter what she chose or did they’d find some way to punish her. She had no power; she was a pawn in this game and if Olivia decided to kill Ky tomorrow, she could do nothing to stop it.

Opal opened up her liquor cabinet, gaze flickering over the assortment of bottles as she pondered what to drink next. She’d grown bored of the whiskey, but spirits had a way of filling in the broken pieces in a way nothing else really could. She pursed her lips before reaching in and grabbing the bottle of vodka from the back corner.

There was a knock at the door and Opal froze, hesitating for a moment before letting the bottle go and opening the door to reveal Katelyn. Her worry seemed to fade in that one moment, the warmth of Katelyn’s embrace washing away her thoughts as they hugged. When Katelyn pulled back Opal found her hand, pulling her further into the apartment as she closed the door behind her partner. Katelyn looked deep in thought, face tight as though she couldn’t quite piece together whatever it was she was wrestling with. Opal tugged them to the couch, pulling Katelyn down beside her as she tilted her head, concern knitting her brows.

“Of course,” she said, chest tight with uncertainty, “what’s wrong?”

Opal wasn’t entirely sure where this conversation was heading, but she was intimately familiar with the worry that drove Katelyn into a panic every year. It was the way Katelyn was, a part of her personality that Opal had accepted and cherished. She appreciated and respected the undying devotion Katelyn had to those around her, where Opal was frail and at breaking point, Katelyn managed to rise up and stand tall and face her demons.

The bottle of vodka sitting in the cabinet behind them made her chest ache, thinking about the comfort her body sought through the liquid. She knew where it had all fallen apart, knew why she had landed in this spot and she didn’t need to reach out or seek help, there wasn’t anyone that could help. It was the simple reality of her life- of a victor’s life.

She found herself drawn towards the conversation once more, shoving aside her own inhibitions as Katelyn breathed, speaking her name as if it could wash away all the worries in her pretty head. It wavered, fragile in a way that spoke of the vulnerable parts of Katelyn that she protected from the world. This was the woman she had spent the past decade chasing after, one step behind her as she tried to keep up with her brilliant light. This was the woman she had seen between takes of the bachelorette, overcome by her nightmares, carrying one another home as they left bars in the Capitol.

This was the first person she had allowed herself to fall in love with after Potato.

Her breath was caught in her throat, fingers tight and digging into the couch as she watched Katelyn drop to one knee. Her fingers worked at a box she pulled from her pocket, flicking it open to reveal an opal ring circled by diamonds. Opal stared, fingers straying from the ring and back to Katelyn’s face as she took it all in. The space where her ring finger had once stood burned, a reminder that she could never wear a ring there again- a moment, a decision stolen from her by Olivia.

She was staring at Potato as he asked him to marry her, standing on top of the training centre, staring into the eyes of the man she had wanted to spend the rest of her life with. What happened if she said yes and something happened to Katelyn? She’d spent ten years trying to piece together the idea that one day she might be strong enough to vow to spend the rest of her life with another. You were only supposed to get that chance once in your lifetime, but that had been stolen days after she had promised to look after him.

What if she couldn’t take care of Katelyn? What if she couldn’t stop Olivia from hurting her? She hadn’t been able to protect her husband, she couldn’t protect Ky. She couldn’t make that promise again, it was one she wouldn’t be able to keep. The taste of whiskey was heavy on her tongue as she tried to form the right words to say. Her eyes prickled, and she fought vainly to prevent them from spilling over. But they came, unrelenting as the image of Katelyn vanished beneath the tears, she tried to blink them away, wiping at her eyes with her hands.

“I want to be there for you, for the rest of my life, Katelyn,” Opal sniffled, wiping at her eyes as she tried to stop the tears from falling. She gave Katelyn a weak smile, trying to force some humour into her words, but they broke, voice cracking, “I don’t have the best track record with marriages, and I’m so scared and I won’t be able to protect you or keep you safe. I couldn’t keep him safe, I can’t even keep Ky safe.”

She fell to the ground beside Katelyn, knees sinking into carpet as she leaned forwards, hands on her partners shoulders. “I want to marry you, I want to spend every day by your side, but I don’t want to disappoint you or fail you. I- I can’t promise-“

She thought of Potato’s lifeless eyes, her name on his lips as he’d lay dying in the dirt. She thought of Ky’s broken body promising her that it wasn’t her fault that they’d destroyed him. Of the images of Ky kissing Emmett circulating throughout the Capitol, and the terrible and cruel articles she couldn’t prevent from spreading like wildfire.

“What if you end up like him? What if I’m staring at the grave of my husband and wife back in district eleven?” She looked up, gaze faltering as she met those wonderful blue eyes. “Tell me you won’t hate me if I can’t protect you.”