The Thing That Made You [Shy/Del Day 5 Leisure]

marguerite harvard d2a (zori)
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The Thing That Made You [Shy/Del Day 5 Leisure] Nov 21, 2020 16:55:07 GMT -5

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Post by marguerite harvard d2a (zori) on Nov 21, 2020 16:55:07 GMT -5

D E L R O Y

He couldn’t sleep.

Between how fiercely Zeus had ripped apart his vision of rebellion, Amelia’s doubt he had any understanding of what he truly sought to accomplish, and Neysa’s painful death, he wasn’t sure if he’d be sleeping for the rest of his time alive in the arena. Again, he’d been asked if he intended to kill those who disagreed with him, or if he’d be able to live with those who did well enough as things were to ever want change.

Delroy didn’t have an answer for them. Not one that he thought would satisfy people like Amelia, who’d been hurt enough by the world to doubt any sort of change would bring her much better. He wanted to hate her for calling him a hypocrite, but instead, all he could feel was the chill from the powder of snow underneath his stomach.

He stared over his shoulder at Shy next to him, and the empty space where Neysa and Dom should’ve been. They should’ve been here, too. Eleven had been split in half, and Delroy felt as though the weaker of the two had moved forward. Where Neysa had all the energy and daring to not question her next step, Delroy sat thinking about the same few hours over and over again.

“Shy?” Delroy crawled up beside the boy from two, and leaned close. “I can’t sleep.” He held a hand over the boy’s shoulder, but decided against touching him. “Just… felt like I could use someone to talk to tire myself out…”

W I C K E R S H A M

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The Thing That Made You [Shy/Del Day 5 Leisure] Nov 21, 2020 17:52:48 GMT -5

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Post by uwu on Nov 21, 2020 17:52:48 GMT -5

I didn't remember anything from today except for the sounds of the canons, but it's hard to forget something that's happened so many times in the past two days. I know that two innocent souls were lost. Deep down, my demons whisper that it's my fault that they're dead, that I didn't do enough or care enough to save them. I couldn't do anything to make them not get hit. I'm not their fucking mom. But does that make me any less responsible for not protecting them?

The thought of Quest and Carmen and Fiona run through my mind. It takes all but a second to have all the memories flood into my mind, followed by silent tears to carry out the excess. They all died helping me... I didn't ask for them to do any of that... is this a second chance? Should I have been trying harder to make a difference? But why should I? I barely know anyone... but that didn't stop them from helping me. Why couldn't I have been th- "Shy? I can't sleep."

Del's voice cuts through the air like a knife, but so does my silence. “Just… felt like I could use someone to talk to tire myself out…” I bite my tongue. Don't be an ass today. Not today. Just because you're upset doesn't mean you can lash out to Del. "Sure man, what's up?"

[ahref="http://hungergamesrpg.com/thread/60901/character"]l

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marguerite harvard d2a (zori)
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The Thing That Made You [Shy/Del Day 5 Leisure] Nov 22, 2020 0:21:04 GMT -5

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Post by marguerite harvard d2a (zori) on Nov 22, 2020 0:21:04 GMT -5

D E L R O Y

For the first time in the five days they’ve been together, it felt as though Shy was willing to talk. Maybe Delroy had finally worn him down (or better yet, the arena had worn him down). Whatever the reason, Del couldn’t but help feel some sense of relief he wasn’t going to have to keep what was inside him locked away that night. He took a deep breath and exhaled.

“I don’t feel good.” Delroy admitted. He did hurt from all the wounds he’d had to mend the past few days, but it was deeper than that. A heaviness that spread outward from his chest down through his stomach. It made his arms and legs heavier, harder to lift. He scooched closer to Shy so he could whisper and lean his shoulder against the boy’s back. At least the little bit of physical touch felt like he could lay some of the weight on the boy next to him.

“Neysa deserved better. And Dom. I – I didn’t help them enough.” He spoke haltingly. “I’m trying to get people to wake up but I think it’s all going wrong.” All the girls from the other day, Amelia, Zeus, and who knew which of the other tributes felt he was a hypocrite or worse. Did Shy? Del thought about asking him, but he wasn’t sure how he’d take the boy’s answer if he agreed, too.

He wished he were back in eleven then, and his name hadn’t come out of that bowl.

“How did you get through this?”

W I C K E R S H A M

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Last Edit: Nov 22, 2020 0:22:07 GMT -5 by marguerite harvard d2a (zori)

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The Thing That Made You [Shy/Del Day 5 Leisure] Nov 22, 2020 16:46:27 GMT -5

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Post by uwu on Nov 22, 2020 16:46:27 GMT -5

The first words out of his mouth were stupidly obvious. No shit you don't feel good. None of us here do unless you're a psychopath. “Neysa deserved better. And Dom. I – I didn’t help them enough. I’m trying to get people to wake up but I think it’s all going wrong.” An infinite amount of sarcastic responses fly through my mind. I could easily say any of them, ruin his unrealistic standards of what he wants to happen, but why should I? He still has hopes and ambitions and dreams, where I lost everything. “How did you get through this?”

The words ring through my now empty head. "Who said I came out alive?" Before I give myself time to relive any memories and emotions I spent years suppressing, more white pills fly into my mouth. "The games take everything from you mentally and if you make it out alive, the Capitol gives it back to you in a shit covered, soggy paper bag with a note that reads 'fuck you' on it."

I reach up and wipe my eyes to get rid of any resemblance of emotions I might have felt before I turn around and face Del. "How else do you think they keep victors in check? It's hard to run away from your abuser if they make you think it's your fault." My head turns away as soon as I feel my lips tremble. So much for the damn pills. Have they ever helped with emotional trauma though? "If you're the one who makes it out, make sure that they don't kill off your drive and determination on the way back to 11."

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marguerite harvard d2a (zori)
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The Thing That Made You [Shy/Del Day 5 Leisure] Nov 22, 2020 18:10:00 GMT -5

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Post by marguerite harvard d2a (zori) on Nov 22, 2020 18:10:00 GMT -5

D E L R O Y

Del had been wrong about Shy, too. Looking at his eyes and the way the light reflected and the tremble in his voice, it was clear that coming back had taken more from him than he could bear. So it was the same with the rest of the victors, their bodies broken and spirits hammered by the capitol. He didn’t want to forgive them for not doing more for boys like him and Shy, but as his ally turned away again, he felt the resentment peel away, exposing the raw and unfettered sadness still hanging on his chest.

They didn’t deserve their pain and they couldn’t be asked to lead a revolution, let alone spark a full-scale war. They were fragile things, still papering over cracks that had long since expanded across their souls.

But what about them, then?

What about the boys like Del and Shy, their futures stolen, or for his brothers back in eleven, those condemned to nothing better than the generations before? If they had one another, if he could convince a boy like Shy that this world was not so hopeless, perhaps they could raise their eyes toward the sun. This was his mission, his goal – not violence, not hate, and not a hapless quest. Those things were consequences of what he was trying to build; he would be damned to thread an impossible needle few could understand.

“Hey.” Del could feel the lump in his throat rise. He cleared it out and started again. “I love you man. I don’t know what it’s like coming back, but I know that there’s bound to be folks that care about you and me. And whatever happens, I cared about you, who you were, what you stood for.”

He wanted to reach a gloved hand for the boy’s shoulder, but felt the moment was more intimate. Two souls facing trauma that would never be undone. Delroy wanted the last of their moments together not to be based on all the pain and anguish; he wanted all of panem to have more than that, to live a better life.

He wrapped an arm around Shy and gripped the kid in a hug, with his chin at the boy’s back.

“You deserved better than this. We all did.”