across the water ( piper v. amelia ) day 7
Nov 30, 2020 21:03:22 GMT -5
Post by tick 12a / calla on Nov 30, 2020 21:03:22 GMT -5
It takes me ages to climb out of that cave. Maybe it was stupid, maybe I should've stayed down there and stayed better hidden for the night but I just couldn't look at Luke anymore. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep with him lying all cold on the ground next to me.
I don't know where Carbon went either, I just know that when I drag myself up across the roots I can't see him, and that's really all that matters. I claw at the snow and hoist myself up, fall once and then try again, leave a trail of blood and curse words behind me about a mile wide.
But I get up there eventually, and then I roll over onto my back and I stare up at the way the snow falls, try to catch my breath and block out the way I can't feel my toes anymore. I think I might've passed out there for a few minutes, or maybe I had just closed my eyes, but either way when I open them, Nari's face takes up my whole field of vision
She's sniffing at my face, her amber eyes blown out wide and she makes this weird high pitched sound in the back of her throat.
I guess she got stuck up above when we fell.
But "Hey," I croak out, reaching out a hand for her, and when I sit up I notice the way she holds her paw all gingerly, and she whines again.
"C'mere, did you get hurt?" I scoop her up into my arms and hold her close, groan at the change in position, "I did too."
Her snout nudges the side of my face and I shake my head, "Luke's not coming with us." I tell her, "We're on our own, alright?" and I pretend that she understands.
I get to my feet slowly, slip and slide across the frozen ground a couple times, but I get there eventually. I tuck Nari into my jacket and I wrap it tighter around us, and then we go. We don't get very far, not when it feels like my intestines might spill out any minute, but we get far enough. I just needed to get the cave out of my line of sight, so that when they come for the bodies I won't have to watch.
Luke's going back to Four now, and I'll meet him there. One way or another, open-casket or behind the gates, I know I'm gonna see him again.
My legs give out somewhere near the border of the trees, so that's the sign I take to stop. I shift over to lean between the roots of a tree, press my forehead against the trunk and try not to think about what I've gotta do now. I pull Nari out of my jacket gently, let her curl up next to me, then I rummage through my bag for the needle and the thread that we'd picked up earlier.
I just kinda stare at it for a while, for as long as I can stand it, because, fuck, I don't even know how to sew. I push my hand against the gash in my stomach and then look back at the needle in my palm.
I just have to do it the way Luke did. I watched him patch himself up. I can do that.
I've gotta do it slowly, half because I don't know what I'm doing and half because the pain makes me tear up. And my hands shake when I'm done, all covered in red, and I'm just praying I didn't make it worse. I wrap everything up and re-button my jacket and curl up as small as I can get.
I bundle Nari more securely in my arms first, smooth down her fur and scratch behind her ears, "You won't leave me, right?"
The anthem comes sooner than I thought it would, when the sky is barely even dark, and the sound of it makes me jump. I make myself look at Luke's face, and then Sorrel's, and then I'm counting them all off on my fingers, scratching numbers out in the snow over and over again but still coming up short.
Because Shy wasn't up there, and the guy that killed Anari, the one from either Nine or Eleven because I've narrowed it down to that much, he wasn't up there either, which means they're both still in here. Somewhere.
So then I roll over when the sky fades and I edit my list a little. I trace their names out onto Nari's fur. First Carbon, then Anari's killer, then Shy.
I'll find them eventually.
I use'to wonder if this is how Enzo felt near the end, this kind of weird stillness, but I've realized now that's kinda stupid. He was always a crybaby, dumb and ugly and I miss him so bad that it hurts.
"You think they're rootin' for me?"
Nari blinks up at the sky and then lays her head on my stomach.
"Yeah. Me too."-
It isn't as cold as yesterday, or maybe it is and I just can't tell.
Luke was a tether, and I’m flying at half mast but the wind is strong enough that it might just carry me away anyways.
But the morning air feels good, and I think Nari agrees because she's walking better now, prancing around while I get ready to move again. I don't know where I'm going. That was Luke's thing. I'll just walk until I can't walk anymore or until I run into someone. Whichever comes first.
And surprisingly, it doesn't take that long.
Nari follows me away from the trees, away from the cave and from Luke, and it's the frozen lake comes into my view before anything else. I remember walking on that, shouting for Luke and Anari, sliding around like we were on vacation or something.
I guess we were all a little stupider back then.
There's someone waiting for me there, right where the three of us once stood, and I take a deep breathe.
"You're from Nine, aren't you?" And this could be it - the last fill in the blank I've been looking for. I've spent six days wondering who killed Anari, I've been fuckin' fuming and agonizing over it. Except I narrowed it down to two people last night, and now here's one of their district partners, right in front of me.
Maybe she won't know, but there's a good chance she will. Because aren't partners supposed to stick together? I think most people would want to hold onto that last bit of home.
Luke and Jacynth were the exception.
"Your partner," I ask her, bracing myself against the wind and her answer, "did he kill mine?"
It doesn't matter, something in me says. It shouldn't matter.
Because no matter what she says, she's still in my way.
“We all have to die sometime." She says instead, and her grin makes me shiver, "What does it matter by who’s hand? Andorra is a wimp though. I didn’t ally with him.”
It's not a direct answer.
I shift my weight and glare at her, hands gripping my weapon a little unsure. "You didn't answer the question." I accuse.
"What’s the big deal anyway? If you want to go home, he had to die at some point.”
The wind is loud, but I'm louder. I'm eight years old again, petulant, with a different tantrum for every day of the week.
"No." I say immediately, grinding my heel into the snow, "No, I wouldn't have hurt him. He's my brother."
“Oh?” and I feel like she's making fun of me, “Didn’t know. I volunteered to save my twin sister. Got to take care of your siblings."
I don't know what this angle is she's playing - this casual talk. I feel unsteady, caught off-guard, still woozy from yesterday and I look at my boot to try to steady myself.
“I watched the boys from Five and Three die. Killed the boy from Eight and the girl from Eleven. That’s all I know.”
I think I take an unconscious step back when she lists them all out. Call it survival instincts.
But then -
“Got to thank whoever killed that Hailsham yesterday though. Only good career is a dead one.”
My head shoots back up to her so fast that I get whiplash, "His name was Luke." I spit out, unthinking and unflinching and everything from yesterday comes back all at once.
It's the sound of Carbon's club and the sound of Luke's skull, the sound of the utter silence that came after and then the sound of my own screaming. It's the feeling of a knife in my stomach and his cold hand in mine.
I breathe heavy and grip my weapon and look at this girl that's so glad he's dead.
"He was the one that deserved to get out of here." I say over the wind, and it feels a little like an admission. "But he'd want me to live - he's the one I'm doing this for."
Funny how it used to be Enzo. But I guess that's the difference between someone leaving you and someone dying for you.
"He's the one I'm going home for."
xGAwn4KOblspiked blunt
BLOCK -- 0.0 damage
accuracy day 7
spiked blunt
BROKEN RIGHT ARM -- 6.5 damage