leaves from the vine .| bambi, for caleb

Cherry blossom petals have settled onto her head like dust. She's been sitting under the tree for hours after the Reaping, phasing through crying and staring blankly at the skyline of District Five. Caleb always liked the view from up here, on this hill behind Bambi's house where the cherry blossom tree grows. Her father bought the seeds for her, had it planted here as a birthday gift many years ago.

Sunlight filters in from the canopy of pink above her, but it does nothing to warm her. Bambi feels cold as ice, even in the warm summer air, as she sits with her knees against her chest, her arms wrapped around her shins. She has never felt so... empty. Even when Lysander was gone, Bambi was full of hope, full of light. But there's something different about Caleb's absence. It almost feels intentional, not like bad luck. It's so coincidental that someone so close to Lysander was reaped

Bambi was afraid it would be her. Caleb and Lysander were, too, and she doubts that Hyram is particularly pleased about the sudden attention on his family, and on Bambi. She's in the cameras too much, smiling and waving and hugging Lysander. Bambi liked the idea of being a Capitol darling, until the Reaping began to approach.

She would rather it have been her than Caleb. Bambi wouldn't last a day in that Arena, but at least she wouldn't have to watch Caleb die. She doesn't think she can.

Her lips still burn from where she kissed Caleb on the cheek. She wishes she was brave like Wolf. She's never been brave, always timid like a little fawn. Her brother has always been the lion, and she the lamb. But if she was brave, she would have kissed Caleb on the lips like she always wanted to. She used to daydream about it in math class while she fiddled with the pom-pom at the end of her ballpoint pen.

Bambi had envisioned their first kiss being here, under the cherry blossom tree during one of their picnics. Caleb would have brought her dogs, and they'd watch them run around the fields and scoff when one of them drank from the pitcher of strawberry lemonade that Bambi made.

And now all that would ever be is a dream. An amazing, impossible dream, so far out of reach, like grasping for a star...

Tears drip down her face. Her eyes and red and raw and she's so tired of crying, but she can't stop the roil of deep sadness in her chest, can't stop the sobs from rolling through her chest and throat. Bambi stays up here, far away from her family. They can all see her in the distance if they look out the dining room window, but she doesn't care. As long as they don't have to see or listen to it. She knows it makes her father uncomfortable to see her cry, so she's staying away for as long as she can.

The wind blows the tears down the side of her face and onto her jaw, turning them cold and dripping onto her sleeve.

She stays under the cherry tree until sunset, when she finally gets up to go to Caleb's house to get her dogs. Bambi promised Caleb she would take care of them until she comes home. (That time could never come — Caleb could die in that Arena, but Bambi would still keep her promise, and care for the three Dobermans for as long as they lived.)

Bambi won't be back until long after dark, and she might get in trouble with Hyram for staying out too long and not telling anyone where she's going. (He'll forgive her if she makes him his favorite cookies, though, won't he?) But the ache in her heart is so consuming that she doesn't care. She just walks with her head down, taking a path that winds around the Mae's house so no one will see her, blinking the tears out of her eyes.