If We Meet Again [Harb one-shot]

Dear Chloe,
It's been 15 years now since I've came home from the games alive, and so much has changed in those 15 years. Some good, and some bad. I'm married, I have children. I've lost more of my family in the games, and the worst thing of all is the Capitol has chosen to bring back imposters of the dead. I watched Faux die, and yet some knuckle head claiming he's Faux is running around here, and of course most recently the guy who killed him, his imposter just won the games.

A steady stream of tears flow from my eyes as I look down at the piece of paper, and without a second thought I scratch it all out. Sometimes things are best left unsaid, and I just don't know what to do. Navya is taking care of the children, and I'm just sitting here in bed not sure what to do. Sometimes functioning is hard. It's hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to do anything right anymore because I feel like the slightest thing is cause for punishment for my family, and it's only a matter of time before they take my kids away from me in the blink of an eye. So I'm always trying to be on my best behavior because whatever I do has consequences for them.

I toss the paper to the side reminding myself to burn it in the fireplace later, and I carefully slide off my bed and make my way towards the dresser where I keep her koala token. Wiping the tears away, I stare back at my own reflection in the mirror. The weight of the world is weighing me down. My shoulders are slouched forward, I need to shave the scruffy beard growing across my face. My body is weak, and I'm burdened by lack of sleep. Vera is getting older. She's going to be fourteen soon. The triplets are going to become reaping age. They're getting older, and I fear the Capitol will snatch them away.

Shy won the games, and I don't understand why the Capitol is going this far to use imposters when they can use money for other important things. I guess it's just a way of torment. A way to ruin the lives of people who care about people who've died. It just doesn't make sense to me. I guess that's why I'm not in charge. A heavy sigh leaves my chest as I hold the koala token close to my chest, and start bawling my eyes out. I miss my family. Crusader, Tamron, Weaver, Asari, Faux, and even Iain. Even though Iain isn't one of my own, he's still family through Kirito. Carrita. Iona, and every tribute who has died ever since.

"Chloe, I need you right now. I need your advice. I need your help. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm worried about my children. I swore I would do everything to protect them, but I am so powerless against the Capitol. I just want to be a good husband to Navya. I want to be a good father to the kids. I'm so worried that I'm failing them." My voice cracks as I lean my head against the dresser trying to quiet my sobs because I don't need anyone to hear me. "Shy won. He killed Faux in the 80th games, but somehow both are alive today even though Shy died that game too, but seeing his imposter walk around and seeing all the 80th imposters walking around is hard. I don't get it." I look away and hold the koala over my heart. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for letting you down. I'm sorry."

I place the Koala back on the dresser where it stays, and I wipe the tears away. I have to be strong and courageous for my family. I don't want them to see me this way. I don't want the children to know how much I struggle at times even all these years later. I grab the piece of paper and head down the stairs to the living room below where a nice fire is burning. I throw the wadded up piece of paper inside knowing nobody will ever see. Sometimes even the strongest need a moment, and while I might not be the strongest, I have to pretend I am. I take a deep breath before sitting down in my chair wondering if these ghosts will ever truly leave me alone.