Faux Rhodes D11 resub {done}

What I would give to be able to sing again.

Words fail him. Many times they stick to the tip of his tongue as he fights with his brain trying to bring them out, and sometimes it works, but other times it doesn't. His own family has left him behind, and Faux doesn't know where to turn. Ever since Shy crushed his skull six years ago, his life has changed forever.

Singing is impossible now. Words once flowed so freely, and now they're simply locked away forever within the confinement of his own mind. The damage was done, it's too much he would give to go back to what he knew before all this happened.

At least he was happy then.

Happiness is far from him now, and every time he tries to grasp it, it slips away making life miserable and frustrating. It's hard to walk, to think, to do anything. Every motion takes some time. It's like his brain has glitched, and the signals aren't making it down to the rest of his body. It takes a couple of tries to even focus on every day life. Not that his family cares. Not that anyone cares. He's just a person trying to enjoy life while being stuck inside a shell of someone who can't.

Now he finds himself wandering through district eleven looking for any sort of job to help him make ends meet. Living on the streets is becoming a battle. He's hungrier than he's ever been before. His stomach eats itself, and every single day the nagging for food grows more and more. Dirt covers him, and many people won't give him a chance - why would they? It's not like he can speak to people anyway, and he's constantly forgetting the daily tasks he has to do anyway. Not to mention the simplest of tasks makes him exhausted and in need of a nap. On top of it all, he can't even hold a tool to work in the fields anymore.

What can he do?

It's easier to just give up and let his life drift away forever, and it would've been better had the Capitol just left him dead when the career had took his life away.

But he was given a second chance, and right now he's not making the best of it.

His short term memory is getting better, and he's constantly reminding himself to do things by leaving notes, and as long as he places them in the same spot every time he writes something down, it's easy to accomplish. But even that's easier said than done. It's easy to just lay something down and forget about it. It's easy to tell someone he'll do something, and he doesn't always follow up, and it's not because he doesn't care. So many people have pushed him away, and it's taking all the strength he has to even figure out why.

Yet his long term memory has always been in tact, and life before the hunger games is something he always remembers. It haunts his dreams. The happiness he felt. The desire to hang out with his friends and family. Singing with them, and dancing, or just playing games and telling stories. All the meals together. Being able to talk with ease, and finding his away around - it brings tears to his eyes. Faux yearns for those days again. He yearns to have his family and friends at his side helping him through. So much goes through his mind, and all he wants is to make it happen. To show them that he's truly the man he says he is.

But nobody believes him, and and everyone has pushed him away.

Of course he doesn't blame them. He saw the tape, he replays it in his nightmares.

Faux Rhodes shouldn't be alive.

But he is, and he's alone, and he's trying to figure everything out.

He has a few new friends, and sometimes he imagines fleeing the district to find them and find someone who accepts him. Oliver and Fiona are out there somewhere, and every day he finds himself wanting to meet them again. Maybe have a dinner, or just hang out and do nothing. He constantly wonders how Carter is doing too. Yet they don't stay in his mind long because they're so far away.

It's hard being alone trapped in a world where nobody even cares.

Running away from home, and leaving the letter behind has been a foolish decision, but the results are what he expected. Nobody cares enough to find him. Nobody believes him. Nobody thinks he's the real Faux.

And it hurts.

Now he lives alone in the edge of the district beneath some trees. The leaves and branches do enough to shield him during the summer, but during the winter it's hard to even survive. It chills him to the bone. Some nights he sits awake next to a fire waiting for the sun to rise out of fear of falling asleep and sleeping forever. Although it wouldn't be that bad. At least then his body would become whole again - wouldn't it?

And being alone gives him the chance to relearn so much that has been forgotten, and it gives him time to truly reflect on life and figure out if it's worth living. Clearly he hasn't given up since his name was called, and he was released from the training center to return back home. But why?

Faux believes every person has a purpose in life, and everyone will find that purpose. Right now he's searching for his. He's trying so hard to figure out what everyone is wanting. Why did he get to live? Why was he given a second chance of life only to have it filled with so much pain? It's something he doesn't know. And maybe he'll spend his whole life searching for that answer.

Not everyone is given a second chance, but he was.

Maybe it's time he makes the best of it before it slips him away.

Maybe one day Faux will know his purpose in life. Until then, he'll keep fighting and trying because it has to get better than it is now. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, and that's all he can hope for.