Caesi Stront | District 6 | Resub | FIN

I am not the girl that people claim me to be. At least, I don’t think so. Maybe that is because ive come a long way from being the girl that was never confident. Plagued by various things, such as desperation to prove that my father was not the crazy man that everyone thought he was. 

I miss him you know? Sure, I was young when the explosion happened, but I still remembered the times we would spend with each other by the window of our tiny house watching the stars.  He was a chemist, but he always dabbled in various other projects from time to time. No one paid him too much mind, which was why they talked about him with malicious intent when his lab blew up right in his face. I only knew so much at the age of eight, like that water was made of hydrogen and oxygen, and that even the tiniest amount of too much could change everything. 

And it did that day.

---

The aftermath as nothing kind, and even my mother, who had worked in one of the hospitals in six had to find other ways of working. Sometimes she had to do it from right inside our house, just because people would harass her in the streets. It wasn’t her fault that her husbands mistake took out a couple other people. Not even she could predict his error, even as brilliant they were. She already had a huge family to take care of, and Franc had already dropped out of school in order to help out. He was a couple years older, and honestly, known around the district as a young genius. My fathers mistake didn’t cost him much, but maybe that was because he shared my mothers countenance. Or something like that.

I was not here to try to help, or judge for that matter who my father or other people were. We were a family trying to survive, and Lithe and myself, born only 10 months apart, had already aspired to do such great things. It took years for us to rebuild our lives, tell everyone that we were good people. My mother had to stay at home for years, but eventually she was able to rejoin society, and even as I look back now, it was good that she took the time away. People were cruel to her, and I knew that she was grieving. We all were.

Even at the age of the age of ten, I had never realized that the world would be kind. I always think about Ronan, and how rough he was around the edges. I knew that he was a smart man, but he was kind to me, and kindness by far was my love language. Did I know what love was back then? Hell no. But I could try to find something that emulated it to me? Right? 

He told me to pick my head up, and that he knew of who I was, but he would not judge me for what my father did. I was a girl then, and of course, didn’t understand, or wouldn’t understand, what that meant. Because I had no clue what it meant to grow up. Not with death in my family, or isolation and unfairness wrought through my life. It was the first time someone had been kind to me in a long time. And I still hold onto that sometimes even as I try to forget the fact that he had been reaped in the 81st games and died.

I still miss him to this day.

---

I found my stride after that, finished school rather quickly, and then moved into medical and science-y training. Whenever I walked into a new class, the teachers always commented that I had my fathers eyes, but I so much more to live for. Sure, they were mad at him, but I always made it a point to let them know I want to find my own stride. I was not as confident as the other students, but I held onto certain things as I pushed myself to learn. My mother having to isolate, Franc having to learn at such a young age, Lithe almost following me wherever I went, Rubi turning out to be a child prodigy and already thinking about medical training like mom and then Sodi and Tass, both still very young, but so vivacious. It was always a busy home, and they were my rock. I would do right by them, and do right by my father, and do right by me.

Because I was a survivor, just like Ronan had told me.

I will say though, it did take a couple months for people to be comfortable with me being in a chemist lab by myself. Even then, it was under heavy supervision, and everything was pretty much handed to me. I hated it, if I was being honest with myself. Not fair to let me mess up, but when your father is known for blowing up a lab that was nearly irreplaceable, I couldn’t do anything but accept it. Did I hate it? Yes. I did. But that was life. It wasn’t fair to me now was it?

I had to find a way to make my own name.

---

Years passed and I had been trusted by the district to lead research into various medicines that could prove beneficial to the capitol. Did I enjoy doing work for the capitol? No. But if it meant I got to help support my family, I was more keen on it. Anything to take the stress off my family. My mother was getting older, and taking care of six children had never been easy for her. 

We all helped where we could, however, no one saw the explosion in the hospital coming. I was at home with Tass and Sodi, both of which had been sick the day prior. However, everyone else was out and about. I wanted to go out and look for everyone, but I knew that if I wasn’t home, something bad could have happen. I locked the doors and got ready to do what was necessary to make sure that nothing bad happened.

My mother came home not too soon after, and then Lithe and Rubi joined her, however, Franc hadn’t come home yet. It had been hours since the explosion, and the remains were just starting to be sorted through. The district was hit and it wasn’t my fault. The explosion had caused the district to mourn in silence, and while I was waiting for people to come up and claim that it was somehow our faults, that did not happen.

Maybe that is because we lost Franc that day, his body recovered, mangled by a falling floor beam. Someone came up to us and said that he had saved their lives, and gave us their condolences, but out of everyone, I was the least willing to accept it. Sorrys would not bring my brother back, just like it wouldn’t bring my father back either. 

I just had to move on.

---

Even after the hospital bombing, the district had started to quickly get back on its feet. It was impressive to say the least, watching the world build up from what it was, even though a lot of people had to work from home. Some homes became doctors offices, and others had become places of learning. Ours had been both, seeing as I had taken the time to show others my age how to prepare medicine and other things, and my mother still treated people in her house with the help of Rubi. Tass and Sodi mostly stuck around me and Lithe, us responsible for making sure they kept up with their studies. 

Even though I never got to have a normal childhood, I knew that was severely overrated anyway. I would have never experienced normal, as long as I lived.

I wouldn’t want it that way anyway.

---

Though I didn’t predict that Lithe would have volunteered for the 86th games. I heard his voice rip through the crowds and I wished I could have stopped him. I had never wanted to slap him more than I wanted to in my life. 

But that’s not the case anymore. I had never paid too much attention to the games, except for the 81st, when Ronan went in. I wished I had volunteered with my brother, but before I could even speak they had ended the ceremony. In the justice building I told him he was an idiot, and that he better come back.

And I watched him die a couple weeks later. It left a hole in my mothers heart, but she knew that she couldn’t stop. Now with two of her children gone, she held onto us even more. She closed up her practice and told us that she wanted to spend the rest of her life making sure that we got exactly what we needed. Rubi, who now was fifteen had gone on to work in one of the new built hospitals, and Tass and Sodi had gone on to learn medical training as well. A family full of doctors and there was me, wanting to create the next world cure for whatever we needed.

---

There isn’t a day that I miss Lithe or Ronan, but I knew well that they would not want me to be sad. Ronan would tell me to keep my head up, and Lithe would tell me to press forward. They weren’t afraid when their names were chosen, and that only left one thing for me. 

To keep moving.