and you'd come back | wade & jane ; blitz

gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale
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and you'd come back | wade & jane ; blitz Jan 9, 2021 0:59:36 GMT -5

Post by gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale on Jan 9, 2021 0:59:36 GMT -5

{ luke's funeral, 86th }

Years pass. Feels like blinking.

Feels like you haven't changed — like it's just another moment in your childhood. Sitting by his side, tethered to something that can ground you. Makes you flex your toes, reminding yourself that the earth is still beneath you and you're not floating away. Even if you try to convince yourself that you're capable of flying.

But you did that ages ago.

"Hey, stranger." When she speaks, she's trying to be Jane Hailsham again. Wild, and terrified, and always so quick to run. Falling for the kindest boy she'd ever met, and running away from that, too. She's not Jane Hailsham anymore.

This is not Wade Hailsham. There's nothing left to forgive.

"Fancy meeting you here."

Last Edit: Jan 9, 2021 13:00:01 GMT -5 by gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale

gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan
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and you'd come back | wade & jane ; blitz Jan 9, 2021 2:08:10 GMT -5

Post by gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan on Jan 9, 2021 2:08:10 GMT -5

WADE
HAILSHAM

There was something like a fog around him, except he couldn't see it. He could feel it- the heaviness weighing down his arms, and it was just as offsetting to realize he couldn't trust anything further than his own hand in front of his face. Too many times he'd gotten so busy looking at his feet that he'd found himself lost to it, swallowed whole and feeling as if it was so stiflingly, overwhelmingly, unbearably thick that he could've drowned in it.

And everyone around him just carried on. Survived.

He thought, maybe, he forgot how to feel at all.

And then her voice was a spider's legs skittering along the length of his spine, that same feeling he'd gotten so many years ago when they'd climbed to the roof of the institute and her reckless eyes had asked his of caution to jump with her. His throat curled itself isn't an icy knot, because that wasn't fair. He would never know the feeling of saying yes to her that night again. He would never again be seventeen. His best friend in the entire world was lying in a casket on the other side of the room, and it'd been two years, and fancy meeting you here shouldn't have been enough to fix it.

But he broke, a choked sob which was long and mournful of all the things he'd lost, and buried his face into his hands.

"It never stops. I still can't save us."

^{I AM A GARDEN OF BLACK AND RED AGONIES}

gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale
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3,263 POSTS

Pronouns: he/him
last seen Apr 20, 2024 1:17:49 GMT -5

and you'd come back | wade & jane ; blitz Jan 9, 2021 12:59:31 GMT -5

Post by gamemaker 🍒 maryn hale on Jan 9, 2021 12:59:31 GMT -5

{ luke's funeral, 86th }

Maybe, you wonder — always wonder — if this is better.

Being alive, growing up — growing apart. Watching the boy who filled your childhood with memories start to curl in on himself, pale hands and shallow breaths. And you try to keep your shoulders squared, too late to stop the tears, trying to be the stone.

You have to wonder who the sacrifice will be.

"You kidding?" This is the one game you still play, taking a tragic thing in your hands and laughing in its face. Because it's easier. Because the class clown always makes it until the end — until he doesn't. Until he's lying in a box a few feet away, and it falls to you.

"I'd say things are looking up for us. This is a pretty nice send off." You look at the quiet mourners, the candles and the black shrouds, how this is a real funeral for a real person. A real tragedy. Not a metal table in some cold, hidden room.

"You saved us the first time, Wade. No one expected you to keep doing it."

You turn to him, staring deep into his bloodshot eyes, drinking in his every insecurity and showing him your own. You don't dare tell him that you're lying. Every night, in that quiet little theatre, you always search for him in the back row.

It's what you dance for now. The longing.

"Luke would hate this. Us, doing this. You should scream at me."

gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan
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and you'd come back | wade & jane ; blitz Jan 9, 2021 14:43:11 GMT -5

Post by gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan on Jan 9, 2021 14:43:11 GMT -5

WADE
HAILSHAM

She tried to lighten the mood, and maybe it worked. He collected himself, hands gripping the back of the bench in front of him as sadness morphed into rage and he swallowed it down with the heartache.

"There's a lot happening that Luke would hate."

The words left his lips before he'd fully even had the thought to say them. But it was true. Them, together. Him, alone. Wade had never been quite graceful enough to find the balance between the two people he'd always cared the most for. There was a resentment within him that had been lying dormant for so long he'd forgotten it was there. They'd both asked him to choose, like it was ever something he could do.

"I can't be here anymore," he said. He didn't check to see if she followed as he stood, but walking through those doors was somehow simultaneously the easiest and most difficult thing he'd ever done. It was really over, wasn't it? Luke would never make him laugh again, or linger for a second too long, or make it a point to sit between Wade and Jane at lunch. He would never say those words that were always lurking on the tip of his tongue, concealed only by those pretty teeth he used to distract the world from his pain.

It wasn't until Wade caught fresh air outside that he realized he'd been holding his breath again.