crawl in your head through your ear. ryan blitz.

I feel like it has been an eternity since ive been able to set foot in a library.

It wasnt like there was much in here anyway. To be quite honest, I still have no clue how this place still stands. Amrin always told me that it was because of dirty money, or something crime related, but I never believed her. No matter how smart she was, I would never think that something shady would provide something beneficial to the community.

I sigh for a moment, realizing that Amrin isnt here anymore, and that chastising her like that isnt fair to the dead. I still wish I knew who did it. Who killed her, but my family decided that it was best to just let it go. I hate that decision, but I know better than to fight with others who are grieving. I want justice, and they want peace.

So I go to the library from time to time to try to keep my mind busy. Float through the aisles and find books on the most random things. I notice each time I come, new books are on the shelves that I have never seen before, and I wonder if its because of the place Amrin went too.

I try not to think about it too much as I see a girl who looks like she is on the line of peace and madness, and the hero in me wants to know why.

I know I dont have much tact.

I walk up to her, but I have a feeling like she is going to look away instantly. "You look like youve seen the world come crashing down." I say, arms at my sides to infer that I am willing to have a conversation. "I have too..." I admit, trying to find our anchor point.

She looks at me like I am a ghost of sorts, and I wonder if it is because she is seeing one right now. There is no mistake in her countenance for me. I can tell that she is plagued by something.

It takes me a moment to unfurl my eyebrows in curiosity and realize that maybe I am being just a little too intense. That if I continue on this road, I could scare off yet another person. Amrin always told me that I had a hot streak of people running out of my life. She always meant it as a joke, but sometimes I could see the pattern myself. She was always so analytic. She could see something from miles away, but I never listened to her.

I should have.

I knew a little about what had happened in that house, and that at the end of the day, there were only three survivors. I didnt know where any of them went off too after, besides therapy if I am bold to assume. I still couldnt imagine what they went through, but I wish I could sink my teeth into the one that killed my cousin.

I sigh. "I apologize, how rude of my. My cousin always told me to have manners." I speak with a kind tone, realizing that I need to be just a little more kind. "Azure." I smile at her for a moment, "I means blue in another language, from what my cousin told me."

That one hurt coming out of my mouth.

"And you?" I offer gentle eyes as I hold out a metaphorical hand.

I hope she grabs on tight.

I have this feeling of dread pressing down on me. Maybe I am thinking about this too much, or maybe I am not. I dont know how to act normal, even when I am in normal situations. I at least can admit that to myself.

I look at her and she is still unsure of me, or maybe she is thinking about way too much for me to judge her in this moment. Amrin always said I was good at judging a book before even opening the cover, and if I am being honest, I didnt care.

To me it was fun being able to piece things together, but there was a ton of mysteries to unpack in this district, and I would find a way to solve them.

"Violet, a pretty name indeed." I smile at her, watching her look up at me finally from her book. I have gained her trust in some sort of way. "Or the flower." I give her a small smile, adding in that small bit of knowledge.

"I was." I bite my lip for a moment before deciding this was not the time and place to have an episode. Amrin would literally slap me across the face from the other side if she could. "Have cousins is nice, but they can also get on your nerves quickly." I laugh for a moment before composing myself. "Yes. All of our names have to do with the color blue. Its a family tradition I suppose."

One that I dont think will ever disappear.

She has started to come to life a little bit, and I wonder if this has all just been a ruse. No. It couldnt have been. When I walked into this library, Violet before me seemed to be trembling. Lost. But maybe I found a way to break that shell, that outer coating that just grew too thick over the months.

Its weird, trying to find some way to relate to a stranger, and I dont even know what made me do it in the first place besides curiosity. Shes a fickle beast that I hate to tangle with. Shes here though, and she isnt going anywhere. Because she lives inside me.

I sit next to her, seeing as this is already going off with out a hitch. I told myself I would not make this about me if I didnt need to, but this was going strangely well. Which only meant that something was bound to add up.

"Botanists are odd for District Five, but I guess we do have the right climate for it. Ive never been inside a green house before." I am genuine in my words, my voice sort of yoyo-ing through the library. I didnt see many people in here, mostly because people needed to make money Azure. Dont be stupid.

"Well, there are tons. Shades of blue, Aurora, Royal, Colt..." I say, my head leaning on my arm as I go down the list. "Some say old and dead languages had different names for colors, like bleu, biru, aoi..." I am a wealth of knowledge. "Amrin." I trail off for a moment.

Just like Amrin.

This is going somewhat well if I do say so myself. She seems genuine, and maybe that was because she just needed someone to pull her out of herself.

"I definitely wouldnt mind that." I say honestly as give her a small smile and think about what Amrin would have done. She would have accepted and probably brought a book with her so she could record some things. She had always valued knowledge over everything else.

I envied her for that.

Even as I went through the colors, I felt weird saying Amrins name, but then I watched Violet in front of me change before my eyes. She had become reserved and demure in less then five seconds, and I for one couldnt believe it. Had I set her off in the word way. "Yeah, its some language called Arabic? Far dead from what I know." I said scratching my head for a moment.

"You okay Violet?" I say to her with concerned eyes. There was something here, something that I probably could have unpacked, but this was not the time and the place. "Im not joking about anything, you just asked me for different names that mean blue." I cross my arms. "Sumerie is another name another name for violet for example." I think I know what this is about, but this is not the time or the place.

I can add two and two together. I was always told that I was specifically good with numbers. Amrin was good with words and what they mean. That was our difference after all.

"No need to apologize. This is a safe space." I believe in those words, just like Amrin would. Sure, the library is boring, but it is a gateway to take you somewhere else, and I had a feeling that most of the district would rather be anywhere but here.

I could not speak for them all though. She continues on, saying that she knew someone, and I know exactly what she is going to say. I want to tell her that I did too, but that is not important right now, someone passing out in this library is not important right now.

Trauma works in different ways. This isnt the right place, and it isnt my right to interrogate. "Lila is another, a pretty name." I say with a small smile. "Corcra, Lilac, Plum, even Heather or Periwinkle." They all roll off my tongue as I am trying to take her away from whatever horrible thoughts had come to her mind before.

They just werent important.