what would angels think // syren & lore

l o r r a i n e

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Just eat my goddamn eyeballs already, I hate meeting new people. Scratch that, I hate meeting these new people. It makes me feel poor, being surrounded by so much emotional baggage. Everything's got this film of depression on it. I can swipe my finger across any shelf or weapon or cafeteria vegan tofu burger and it'll stain my hands grey and brown. 

But that's where she comes in. 

Isn't it hilarious how things work out? Here I am, in the shining peak of glamour and beauty, everything I've ever wanted to be around -- and here she is. Red hair still and every stern look, I can't remember her name but damn do I remember that face. I noticed her in the reaping videos, Shelby left them on and I dozed back and forth through listening to them. Her name isn't called, she throws herself on that stage just like me and Syd and I wonder what it's like to feel like a martyr. 

Dying for someone else, how heroic. I did it for free! No baggage, no care; it's easier to convince my reckless actions that I was always going to be here. Kind of like destiny, except it didn't choose me, I made it choose me, y'know? It can work like that for girls like me. I've spent my first day bedazzling my training outfit and fixing the broken mirror on my token; we all have priorities. 

I have the rest of my week to figure it out, let me feel pretty for one last day. It's to help with first impressions, or second impressions -- I remind myself this when I finally get that bitch one on one. She's at the plants station finding lunch while I'm at the camouflage station trying to mix a passable skin tone out of brownie mix, corn starch and clay, we all have our hobbies. I'm almost half tempted not to leave, like somebody will poison my foundation the second I walk away -- it's like I'm back in the detention center. 

"Hey, Red!" I'm fixing my collar as I walk over to her, swatches and swabs lining my left arm, "find anything interesting yet? You've been at this station a while," must have learned something I haven't. Half of me hopes she isn't the same girl, just so that way I can lie easier to her.

Long distance relationships have never been my forte.