oath keeper | nan & flynn | day four

I don't wait to be dismissed this time, turning my back on the girl from nine. I would have the last words, my threat thick in the air between us. I Don't look at Silk, I don't waste my time on the boy from Ten. Though I spare a glance at Revan's still body. His eyes are wide, staring up into the sky. Dried blood runs from his ears, staining the shards of glass beneath him. I didn't get to apologise, I realise, Silk stealing my chance of redemption with a swift strike of a blade and bolt of lightning.

Teeth snagging my lower lip, my eyes studying his face. His mouth is opened in a silent scream. Eyes glassy, void of life. Taking a deep breath I kneel down beside my fallen ally, a steady hand reaching out I gently lower his eye lips. "I'm sorry," I whisper as I climb to my feet. Turning away from his body I don't look back, I don't allow myself to look back at any of them, even Revan.

I don't see Flynn ahead of me, but I know that he can't be far. I had heard his steps race off into the distance as I squared up to the girl who dare threaten the boy who was now my responsibility.

No one threatened him without having me to deal with, I've decided. He was the only one I had left, the last one that I cared to protect in this fucking toxic wasteland and I'd be damned if some kid from Nine thought she could just blatantly throw around some tough words in an attempt to get under his, or my own, skin. He was all I had, he was the only one left and I was not ready to let him go.

It doesn't take long to find him, eyes streaming with tears he pushes himself into me, his face buried into my shoulder. ”Revan will have been in so much pain!” His voice breaks in all the wrong places, and I wrap my arms around his small body, holding him against me. In the last four days I had not seen him cry, his strength was something I admired. But the past few days must have built up within him, he was reaching breaking point, falling apart before me.

”It is not fair! It is not fair!” He sobs, and I hold him tighter, pressing my cheek against the crown of his head. Small soothing sounds escape my lips. I run my fingers through his hair, rhythmic strokes, the same way my mother used to stroke my own hair when I had had woke up sobbing over a nightmare.

My eyes begin to fill with my own tears, but I fight them off. Right now Flynn was breaking, cracks were forming and I had to be the one to hold them together. I had to be the glue to stop him from shattering into hundreds of pieces. Because I was sure that if he shattered now, I wouldn't be able to find all the pieces to put him back together. That he would be filled with holes, the missing pieces of who he was lost to the arenas unyielding hands.

"I know, I know," I whisper, my hand moving to massage small circles on his back. "He would have died quickly, almost painlessly," I didn't know if the words were true, exactly, but maybe he would be able to find some comfort, knowing that he had died quickly and without pain. "You have been so strong, Flynn. So damn strong, you will get through this. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will." I move to kneel before him, my hands gently wiping away the tears.

Yesterday I had been weak, I had allowed him to see the cracks that had begun to form, I allowed him to see me begin to break. The facade that I had worn shattering into pieces as I revealed myself to be a girl who was a weak emotional wreck. It was a mistake, and maybe he didn't need me to be strong for him, maybe it was me who needed to be strong for him. "But for tonight, if you need to allow yourself to cry, you can use my shoulder. If you need to scream, let it out. If you need to throw things I'll find you the damn rocks." A light chuckle escapes my lips, for the briefest moment before I sober into something more serious, "and if you need to fall apart a little, I'll be here to pick up the pieces, okay?"

His sobs begin to fade leaving his eyes damp and cheeks flushed. I give him a small smile, one I hoped to be reassuring. "Thank you Nan." The sincerity in his voice almost makes me feel guilty. Guilty because what if in a day or two he might be dead, and why if that is because of me? What if I can't protect him? I hadn't been able to protect anyone, all of them knocked down like dominos. Was Flynn's next in line? Or would my domino fall first?

Swallowing, I push the guilt away, avoiding his gaze as I wipe my hands on my pants in an attempt to remove some of the dirt that clung there. "I wish I had more bullets. I’d waste them on the mountain of glass but the girl from Nine might come and execute her threat.” Smart. I didn't think nine would follow through with her threat, not after I had retaliated with a threat sharper and more deadly. But you could never be sure, after all it would be three against two.

An apology slips past his lips and I brush it off, following as he clears a place on the glass covered ground to take a seat. I throw down my pack, throwing myself down onto it ungracefully. A sigh slips past my lips, and instantly my body begins to feel heavy, exhaustion crashing into me like a wave into the shore. The adrenaline must be wearing off, leaving my body and my mind drained. My eyes begin to drift shut, as I shuffle further into my pack, my ass sliding along the ground. Fuck! A sharp pain in my right buttocks has a string of curses leave my lips. Rolling over I rub at the aggravation, wiping away the shard of glass that had rudely poked me in the ass.

”Nan," Flynns voice brings me back to reality, "what have you got waiting for you back home?” The question takes me aback for a moment. Usually I would throw a question back at him, refusing to let him in, refusing to allow him a small glimpse of who I was. I thought that being a cold, heartless career might save me some pain. But I was wrong, wasn't I? It hadn't stopped me from hurting when Lang had been beaten to death in front me. It hadn't stopped the rush of fury that had burned through me as Revan fell, crashing to the ground without so much as a scream.

I turn away from him for a moment, whilst I had been looking for him I had come across a cooler filled with chilled bottles of beer. I tug it into my lap, before placing it on the ground between us. Tugging open the lid I pull out a drink, offering one to Flynn, "you ever had a drink?" I wait for him to take it before reaching in for my own, I make quick work of the lid. I take a long, generous sip, a sigh escaping my lips at the feeling of liquid in my mouth.

I was so damn thirsty. I knew that drinking on an empty stomach could not lead to anything good. A night of cramps, vomiting and diarrhoea, but that doesn't stop me from taking another mouthful, enjoying the feeling of the cold booze against my tongue, the back of my throat.

"My mum," my voice is quiet at first, my eyes on the bottle in my hand that I fiddled with. I had only told one other person about my mum: Sin. The quiet boy from 12. It had felt like it had been okay to spill my secrets to him, he had not said a word but I knew he had listened to every word that had fallen from my lips. He had listened and even tried to comfort me in his own way. "I am fighting for my mum. She is d-dying," my voice breaks, and I take a deep breath. I give a small, sad, smile at Flynn, "she has cancer. She hasn't got long the doctors say." Would she still be alive when- if- I made it back home? Or would I be too late? Too late to say goodbye?

I fight off tears, shaking myself a little, "if I win, I want to take her to the capitol. They should be able to treat her, to save her. But the thing is... I don't know if she will be able to hold on long enough... Or if it's too late." My hands have come to a standstill on my bottle, squeezing it tightly. "I didn't get to say goodbye, you know?" I bring the bottle to my lips, taking another sip. "I hope that next time I see her, I won't be saying goodbye."