Where the Travelogue Ends | Garbage Fire | Leisure
Mar 19, 2021 8:04:26 GMT -5
Post by d4 Panda Scope [Gayton] on Mar 19, 2021 8:04:26 GMT -5
Every day was worse than the last. Each day, we get closer and closer to death. Yet, somehow, we've all managed to avoid it. How? There's no reason our alliance should be left untouched. And yet, II don't feel grateful.
Four of us, alive. Four bulbs of light, somehow personified, to remind us that are souls are darkening. Four baby Salamanders accompany us now, to remind us of innocence we've lost.
At least they're cute, though.
We travel for awhile, all thinking of the girls lost today. There were much more than two canons but we won't know anything until evening. All I can think about now, is getting out of this Ripred damned fire. The smell is starting to cling to my clothes.
We do, eventually, stop for the evening. I hadn't talked much since the game began. Mostly just when I was angry in fights.
But I am angry now. At my allies.
"We've broken so many hearts," I say, "The tributes we've killed. They're allies hurt so much for them. None of you would cry for me."
That's not what I want to say. I'm not petty enough to care if they feel for me.
"Ever since we fought Revan, you've all looked at me like I'm about to snap. But Revan threatened me on the train. And I was angry."
Were they listening? Were they understanding?
"The fight today," I throw my hands up in the air, "They were killing Benedict. Look at him." I take a moment to see Benedict. Bloody and broken. "They were going to kill him and I was angry. I'm not used to being angry, I don't know how to process it. It's turning me into this monster that I don't recognize but that isn't who I am."
I'm monologuing. That's not my style, but glares and the distance has pushed me. Every word I try to lasso back into my throat but it escapes.
"I didn't ask to be here," tears begin to fester in my eyes, "Am I supposed to be sorry for wanting to go home?"
I turn to Syd. Directing each word like a bullet into his chest. "You tiptoe around me and look at me like you're afraid I'm going to snap at any moment but I HAVEN'T killed anyone. Benedict killed that girl today. Coach killed the other one. And Langely? That was You. I am the only one of us who isn't a murderer."
I wipe the tears from my eyes.
If my mouth was a gun, I was reloading.
"Syd, you act like you're better than me because you felt 'sorry' when you killed someone."
I aim.
"But the only difference between you and I, is I have nothing to be sorry for."
I fire.