Where the Travelogue Ends | Garbage Fire | Leisure

d4 Panda Scope [Gayton]
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Where the Travelogue Ends | Garbage Fire | Leisure Mar 19, 2021 8:04:26 GMT -5

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Post by d4 Panda Scope [Gayton] on Mar 19, 2021 8:04:26 GMT -5

Every day was worse than the last. Each day, we get closer and closer to death. Yet, somehow, we've all managed to avoid it. How? There's no reason our alliance should be left untouched. And yet, II don't feel grateful.

Four of us, alive. Four bulbs of light, somehow personified, to remind us that are souls are darkening. Four baby Salamanders accompany us now, to remind us of innocence we've lost.

At least they're cute, though.

We travel for awhile, all thinking of the girls lost today. There were much more than two canons but we won't know anything until evening. All I can think about now, is getting out of this Ripred damned fire. The smell is starting to cling to my clothes.

We do, eventually, stop for the evening. I hadn't talked much since the game began. Mostly just when I was angry in fights.

But I am angry now. At my allies.

"We've broken so many hearts," I say, "The tributes we've killed. They're allies hurt so much for them. None of you would cry for me."

That's not what I want to say. I'm not petty enough to care if they feel for me.

"Ever since we fought Revan, you've all looked at me like I'm about to snap. But Revan threatened me on the train. And I was angry."

Were they listening? Were they understanding?

"The fight today," I throw my hands up in the air, "They were killing Benedict. Look at him." I take a moment to see Benedict. Bloody and broken. "They were going to kill him and I was angry. I'm not used to being angry, I don't know how to process it. It's turning me into this monster that I don't recognize but that isn't who I am."

I'm monologuing. That's not my style, but glares and the distance has pushed me. Every word I try to lasso back into my throat but it escapes.

"I didn't ask to be here," tears begin to fester in my eyes, "Am I supposed to be sorry for wanting to go home?"

I turn to Syd. Directing each word like a bullet into his chest. "You tiptoe around me and look at me like you're afraid I'm going to snap at any moment but I HAVEN'T killed anyone. Benedict killed that girl today. Coach killed the other one. And Langely? That was You. I am the only one of us who isn't a murderer."

I wipe the tears from my eyes.

If my mouth was a gun, I was reloading.

"Syd, you act like you're better than me because you felt 'sorry' when you killed someone."

I aim.

"But the only difference between you and I, is I have nothing to be sorry for."

I fire.

"I've been the archer, I've been the prey" -Taylor Swift, The Archer

sbeeg
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Where the Travelogue Ends | Garbage Fire | Leisure Mar 19, 2021 17:33:11 GMT -5

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Post by sbeeg on Mar 19, 2021 17:33:11 GMT -5

Benedict Nolan
Baby doll, I recognize
You're a hideous thing inside

They're a walking zoo at this point. A little glowing blob following behind each of them, stuffed animals shoved into packs, and now little baby lizards had joined their brood. Benedict had one on top of his backpack curled around his dead fish plushie.

Sizzle he thinks to himself. I'll call her Sizzle.

They settle in for the night and Benedict is a collection of aches and fractures. There's still a bullet lodged in his rib but he can't fathom trying to fish it out. His broken leg has swollen up over the past few days and the only thing keeping it from turning to mush is the rebar tied to it. He looks under the fabric tied tightly around his leg, it's ugly and bruised. His skin is covered in burns and blood and he found a hair under his fingernails that belonged to the head he bludgeoned earlier. He tries not to think about it.

Only tonight Belle won't let him forget it.

She's standing up in front of them speaking. It's hard to focus on the words at first. There had been so many guns fired at such close rang that his ears had been ringing since the fight and there was no sign it would stop anytime soon. He blinks, licking his lips and listening.

"What do you want?" Benedict groans, more tired than angry. He's too weak to be as fired up as Belle, and he knows from the glint in her eye that he shouldn't try her but it's not like he could simply go to sleep without addressing the conflict. "Do you want to go home or do you want to kill someone, because it sounds like the later."

"I did plenty of surviving today and got a nice souvenir for it," Benedict said, motioning to the bullet hole in his chest. "But if you feel this way I'll make sure not to help out tomorrow. Maybe I'll sit out and have a nice day for once, and you can try being fucking useful."

He was exhausted and had limped across the arena with half as much blood as he started the day with. He grabbed Sutton's bag and dumped out all the revolvers onto the floor. He took one for himself—one to sleep with tonight.

"Here! If you have four maybe you'll hit someone!"

They'd all watched her back from day one but right now Benedict Nolan wasn't feeling the comradery.

Lyrics from Wolf Like Me by TV on the Radio

Sunrise Rainier D2 // [Thundy]
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Where the Travelogue Ends | Garbage Fire | Leisure Mar 19, 2021 20:08:04 GMT -5

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Post by Sunrise Rainier D2 // [Thundy] on Mar 19, 2021 20:08:04 GMT -5

May the currents pull you under, man
The great winds blow you over
May the person you've been hiding
finally come from out of cover

Belle Jaune’s gonna fucking kill him.

After spending the last God Knows How Long retching into the dirt from the nausea and the look of the dead girl’s face crumpled into her brain, his stomach finally settles.

Then Belle takes aim with that rage of hers with the worst fucking timing ever.

Syd’s sitting on the ground, elbows resting on his knees, head in his hands. He sits there and lets Belle’s words absorb into his skin and take hold.

“... But the only difference between you and I, is I have nothing to be sorry for."

Syd shakes his head. Closes his eyes.

Benedict’s had it, ‘cause he swings back with some rage Syd didn’t know he had. His voice rises, and Syd thinks the whole fucking Arena will be able to hear them, sooner or later.

He shakes his head wildly, giving in to the fight. He pushes himself up forcefully and tries to get between his allies so they don’t kill each other.

”HEY,” he says, swiveling his head between the two of them. ”Keep your voices down. Please. Be angry, whatever, but remember we’re not alone out here.“

He looks at Belle for a long moment. Hangs his head low, glances at his feet, then back up when he can find the words. He fixes his stare on her and doesn’t waver.

”I feel like shit, okay? We all do. But I think you’ve got it wrong. I’m not --”

His voice cracks. He takes a pause, trying not to cry.

”I chose to be here,” Syd says. ”Cause I didn’t have anything left back home. I’m not here to make it back there, Belle, I’m here to help y’all. I’m not sittin’ here looking at you, wondering when you’re gonna snap. I’m sittin’ here and thinking, god, she’s got enough fight to make it.”

He takes a shaky breath. ”So I killed that girl. And I helped with the ones today. And I said I was sorry ‘cause I feel like shit, you know? I didn’t know what else to say. But I’m not… not better than you. Not like you say. I’m just…

”I’m here. I’m just here.”

Nothing more, nothing less.

Lonesome Prayer by Fruition

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djed carnelian . d8m [kap]
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Where the Travelogue Ends | Garbage Fire | Leisure Mar 20, 2021 7:28:03 GMT -5

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Post by djed carnelian . d8m [kap] on Mar 20, 2021 7:28:03 GMT -5

Even as the alliance found where they were to settle for the night, Coach still wasn't quite sure why he felt such a rush of good feelings when he killed that girl. He'd felt guilty over killing the mutts, but he felt the opposite of guilt for killing a human being. What was wrong with him? Shouldn't he have felt completely one way or another?

Given his training, the more reasonable reaction would've been for him to have felt good about all of it, rather than guilty about the mutts and good about the tribute, but for some reason that wasn't how things panned out. He couldn't think on it too much, though, as Belle's anger was bubbling, and he had to listen with his guard up.

The trio of his allies all spouted their opinions on the situation, and Coach wanted to speak up. He was just afraid he'd say something wrong, and if he did, one of them might try to kill him. Therefore, he carefully thought through his words before saying anything, hoping that would make it at least a little bit better.

"Look," he started. "Yeah, I've killed, and yeah, I have something I want to go home to, but you know what? I'm not saying I'm better than any of you, Belle."

He started pacing.

"I don't think I'm better than any of you for killing that girl. I don't think I'm better than any of you for not feeling guilty about it. I don't think I'm better than any of you for having a sister I want to go home to. I don't think I'm better than any of you for any reason, got it?"

He snapped the last couple words and stopped pacing to look at the trio that stood before him.

He'd be sleeping with a weapon by his side and one eye open tonight for sure.

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