this one will hurt [flynn vs castor] day 8

”It matters to me.” Maybe knowing who killed Nanette will make things a little easier. It is sick, how there is no hesitation before I pull the trigger. There is no other reason for me to harm this other boy other than selfishness. Other than putting my life above his. I have all the people I care about back home and probably so does he. I can see blood on his abdomen where the bullet lands. Not exactly the swift ending I was aiming for, maybe the heart is too intricate. Nanette and I have seen so many go after a force through the eye. Fuck, this is just some sickening thoughts.

The expected retaliation hits me, not in the legs like the day before but my weak arm takes on a fierce bite. I am really not good at dodging spears. Thankfully, the spear does not stick into my arm, it simply takes a big chunk and then drops to the ground. My eyes drop down to my forearm, that will be another wound to stitch up. One handed stitching? Now that will be fun.

”Who are you looking for?” Another cough rolls with my question, the toxicity in the air is becoming harder to fight than the other tributes. The gamemakers probably want this to be over quicker. The drawn-out tense drama is overdone now. ”I really want to know how Nanette Carter was killed, she was my friend. Have you met her?” It could have been Lenox or the other unknown that is still roaming in the arena. Whoever they are, they are not an enemy, but I just will not feel any hesitation in aiming my revolver at them. They took away my chance to say goodbye.

”I am Flynn by the way, from Six.” I flick through the list of names in my head, trying to remember the ones from Five, the neighbours. ”Castor right?” Maybe it will make it a little more respectable, knowing his name while I plan his death with the next round of bullets. I just want out. I just want to be able to run as far away from all this as possible. I just want it over and I am sorry that Castor is in the way.

It is almost too easy to hit Castor with the bullets. It is not even at all. But we are both still standing here, struggling to fling spears and aim straight. Over a whole week in this arena, it is starting to take its toll. My once freshly cleaned uniform and soft bright cheeks are now sodden in blood and the various juices of the radiation landscape. I am literally missing an ear. A whole bandage wrapped half a dozen times around my head hides the scars. But I have lost more than just one physical piece of me. Where has the kid gone that was crying at the thought of loading this gun? Where has the kid gone that turned to Nanette every time I was lost? Nan what do I do?

“I’m looking for Sin Mortuus.”

Oh shit. I know exactly where that kid is. The anthem is still fresh in my mind. Nanette Carter. Lorraine Gaultier. Syd Scoria. Sin Mortuus. Do I tell him? He might think it was me. Fuck. Supposedly he is not the one to have killed Nan, the story checks out with the first time we both lost each other.

”Yes I knew Syren.” Only really knew of her. I am still not entirely sure on who exactly killed her, the two princesses did not decide on owning up to it. ”Lorraine said Silk killed her but she denied it. Could have been either of them. They were both pretty scary.”

Another spear sails towards me and I just fucking freeze in my position. A cry crawls from my cracking throat as it lands straight into my lower leg, this time it does not fall out. My eyes drop to the long narrow piece of wood now stuck in my leg. Well, that is going to be a fun infection.

This kid is trying to kill me anyway. Might as well break the news and stay silent from now.

”There were four faces in the sky last night.” Time to give an update, it is a sad disadvantage not knowing who is exactly left. ”Nanette, Lorraine and both the...” I am brought back to last night, seeing Nan’s face again. Heart-breaking. Now I am going to break the same pain to this poor kid followed by another fire of my gun. What kind of reality is this? ”And both Syd and Lenox. There is only four of us left now.” I have seen what pain can do to someone, I am not being in the firing line of this kid’s agony. We can both risk going to the grave without knowing one thing.

Another spear comes hurling towards me and I brace for impact. I am kind of stuck here now with the spear already in my leg, I dare not pull it out in case every millilitre of blood inside of me swims out. It is just a nick this time, a nice cut that will probably not even need a bandage. Just some air and the careful consideration of getting no radiation sludge or a drop of that sewage lake water on it.

The tears are not caused by sorrow, instead caused by the bracing of pain that just three spears have marked on me. I keep looking down at the one in my leg. It feels so warm, a little numb but fuzzy. There is a mark of blood on my trouser leg, it feels a little wet, the material against my skin. How am I even going to tend to that with a few dodgy needles and bandages that are not even sterile? I need help. I need mom and dad; they will know what to do.

”You are lucky you are not able to see the death.” I exhale, every word takes a hard breath with it. I really need to stop talking now, to focus on the one target for this very moment. But I just cannot help it. It is soothing. It is helping battle the nerves despite taking away so much needed energy with every sentence I string together. All that flashes in my mind are the spears going into the eyes of Kyler and Revan. The slow painful ends of Langley, Saylor, Silk and Lorraine. They are all burned in my mind now. Their deaths are the only reason I am here. ”There is a spear stuck in my leg because of you.”

I just need to shut up and focus. The barrel has three more bullets left but I do not have three more chances left. I need to take this chance now. I need it over now.

I brace for impact as the next spear comes sailing towards me. The one in my leg really has me stuck here, pinned to the ground next to the tower that does not look as dauntingly tall with all of the smog that surrounds us. Castor’s next throw skims past my revolver hand, taking away the armoured gloves that have kept my hands nice and supple throughout for so many days. I see no blood, no pain springs across my skin. Instead my protection is torn from me. Wow, I was pretty lucky to avoid that one. I would really like to keep my fingers, losing an ear is just about enough.

”I am already hurt.” I have no choice now. After all there is just four of us left. Lenox will probably be facing the unknown. There has been the odd fire of the gun not that far from here so it already confirms a mirrored deadly clash. This is it. If I want it to be over I need to get through Castor and then just one more. It seems that easy. Except the tingling wounds and leg that feels warm and inflamed just makes it feel like a marathon. Not even a marathon, probably a hundred day trek.

Fuck, it really hurts. Where is mom or dad to kiss my wounds better? Though that kind of practice goes against their years of medical professional but I just need them here. I need their warmth. I need their comfort. I need them to tell me I can get through this.

”It has never been fair.” It is not like before, the others so hell bent on killing me. Castor and I are just kids after all. I know this one is going to haunt me. I already know this one is going to hurt. ”Trading one young life for another has never been fair.”