will you, won't you? [oliver, post-87th]

cw: alcoholism, depression

It's been almost eight years now since the Games that totally changed my life. For a while afterward, I truly struggled. I had flashbacks of what happened to me, and of what happened to Faux when I saw Shy smash his head in. For years I hated Shy for that, until it really registered in my brain that he was just doing what he had to, and that he was no less human than I was. Then, he went through it again. I couldn't even imagine.

Shortly after the Eightieth Games, and for a few years after that, I had a drinking problem. I was trying to forget what had happened to me, and that was my way of trying to do it. I was trying to cope, but I did it in a terrible way. I was a mess. I couldn't control my temper. I cried all the time, and I was depressed beyond belief. I didn't know what to do. I'm honestly surprised Jory stuck with me through it all.

Jory. I love him more than anything else in my entire life. He means more than the world to me. He is my world. He helped me get through the alcohol problem. I hardly ever drink anymore. He helped me cope with the nightmares and the flashbacks, even though I don't think those two things will ever go away entirely. He's always there for me, and I want to always be there for him, as much as humanly possible.

The two of us moved in together recently. It's a small place, not too far from my family's house. It's not much, but it's what we can afford together. I started working in my family's business again recently, now that my alcohol problem is resolved, so that's how I make my money. I make shoes and sell them to people in the District. Before the borders closed, I sold them to people in other Districts, too.

Unfortunately, it seems like chaos is starting to make its way into our lives again. I fear that there's something else going on as the Capitol closed the borders. There has to be more to it than that. They never tell us everything.

I try not to think about it all, though. I try to focus on my own life, and on Jory. I don't want to think about the bad things anymore, if I can avoid it. Jory is my focus now. We are my focus. Together.

Today, I took Jory on a date. We went for a walk around a park near our house, and then set up a little picnic for the two of us. I'd made some sandwiches and other food. I brought a bottle of wine for us to share- which was unusual for me, as I tried not to drink much alcohol anymore. I wouldn't be drinking much of it, but I figured it added to the 'date' aspect of it all.

As we were sitting there eating together, I tried to muster up to courage to tell Jory what I'd been wanting to tell him. It was tough, but I felt like now was the time.

"Jory?" I finally mustered up the courage to say. "I have a question for you." I stood up from where I was sitting on the blanket. He stood up, too, although I was sure he was a bit confused.

"Yeah, Oliver?" he asked me.

"You know I love you- so much- and you're really important to me." I said. I didn't give him a chance to answer me yet. "Well, I wanted to know-" I got down on one knee- my good knee, and pulled a wooden ring box from my pocket.

"Jory Brontz, will you marry me?"

I opened the ring box to reveal a ring that I'd picked out specially for him.

When this all started, the two of us, almost nine years ago, I never imagined that we'd get this far, but here we were.

Say yes, I thought to myself, hoping. Say yes, please.