adrian navarre - district four

I'm back,
I know I ended that last entry suddenly. It all became too much to talk about. That dug up painful memories. It reminded me of everything all at once and I couldn't handle it anymore. I had another one of my panic attacks. But I'm okay now. I'm here to finish the prologue to my story. No matter how hard it is or how much it hurts. I'm finishing the story here and now. The good news is, there isn't much more to tell about my life. Like I said, my life is pretty boring. It's pretty normal.

My dad got really depressed after she died. They were soulmates, true lovers. And he lost her early. She wasn't even 40 yet and she was already ripped away from this world. He didn't know who or what to go to, so he went to drinking. He began to drink away his problems. He drank at home, at the bar, and even in the training center I've seen him drink what I'm pretty sure was whiskey from a flask. He normally doesn't drink at work, but that day was the one year anniversary of her death.

He went from being a jerk, to being the way he is now. If I talk backed as a kid he'd just yell at me for a second, I'd apologise, we'd move on. Now if I talk back? I get something thrown at me, I get shoved, or I get kicked out of the house until he feels like letting me back in. The only thing people know about this is when training he's been a hell of a lot harder on me. But, he's been harder on most people since all of this had been going on. Deep down, I know he's not a bad person. He just sucks at coping, and I'm not much better.

Ever since she died, I haven't much felt like I'm living. I'm here. My heart is beating. I'm breathing. But I feel as though I'm not alive, only existing. They say our parents are a part of us, and that day part of me died. That's when I started being a lot more of a follower. I dated any girl who would give me the time of day. I really got along with some, but something always felt wrong about it. I never loved any of them. I really tried to love them, but it's almost like I just can't fall in love with girls. Even as a kid, I had friends that were girls but I just never had crushes on them. At one point as a kid there was this boy I thought I had a crush on, but that can't be right.

I eventually got out of that phase. I started to try to fix things. The bills weren't getting paid and the house wasn't getting cleaned. My dad wasn't being an adult so I started to be the adult for him. I started hanging out with my friends more too, it was a nice distraction. Ever since she died my life has just been distraction after distraction. I'm no better than my alcoholic father, really. And that's all there is to say about my life so far.