blame it on the night moves [killua/adrian]

YOU HAVE ALWAYS WORN YOUR
FLAWS UPON YOUR SLEEVE ―

Adrian wasn't really paying attention to what Killua was doing. When their friendship first began to blossom, Adrian was unnerved by the feeling of Killua staring at him; however, the more they hung out, the more accustomed to the feeling of being watched Adrian became. Adrian was completely focused on the sketch he was doing. It wasn't anything too complex, it was mindless really. Just a distraction to avoid thinking about everything that was going on in Adrians life.

The drawing was that of some landscape, something unlike what was seen in the coastal district. It was rolling hills covered in wildflowers. In the background were tall mountain peaks. He didn't have anything on him to really colour it, but he left the mountain peaks as white with the rest of the mountain as gray. Snow. There were snow on the mountains. Living on the coast it didn't really snow. Sure it might rain, but no snow. He had seen snow from television or in pictures, but he wondered what it felt like. It looked soft.

His mindlessness was broken and he snapped back to reality as his friend offered him something. Weed - he was offering him weed. The blonde just stared it at for a second, unsure of what to say or do. He had never smoked weed before in his life. He almost felt like this was a trick. Like those drug videos in school. He was tempted to say 'no' but then he thought about it.

Over the past year or so his life had gone to shit. He lost his mom, his dad stopped caring about anything that wasn't alcohol, and he found out there's a chance he could just fucking die out of nowhere. These were all things he desperately wanted to stop thinking about. And one thing he did know about weed was that Killua seemed to forget all of his problems (or just care less about them) after smoking it. 

"Yeah sure, I'll try some."

No matter how much he tried, he couldn't hide the hint of nervousness in his voice. Of course he was nervous! He had no clue what to expect. Was he going to see stuff? Would the smoke mess with his lungs or would it feel more like steam from the shower? Was it going to have a taste to it? He had so many questions racing through his mind.

He reached out to grab the bag, but then pulled his hand away. He realised Killua was going to have to be the one to prep it for him. Adrian watched the brunette pack countless bowls and roll a seemingly endless number of joints - that doesn't necessarily meant he paid attention or had any clue how to do it. Hell he didn't even know how to actually smoke weed. Do you just suck on it like a cigarette or was there an actual technique?

by sixsmith.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS WORN YOUR
FLAWS UPON YOUR SLEEVE ―

Adrian was honestly a bit embarrassed that Killua didn't know he's never smoked weed. Whenever Killua offered him weed or was smoking it in the past, he just never partook. He thought he would know that that means he doesn't smoke. While he was embarrassed with his initial reaction, he made sure to watch how Killua loaded it up so next time - if there was a next time - Adrian could do it himself.

Oh boy as soon as Killua got on his knees and put a hand on his thigh Adrian could feel his face healing up. His normally pasty white cheeks had a bright pink blush across them. If asked he would just make up some excuse about how he was feeling overheated or something. Except, it was his first time smoking weed and once he actually smoked it he was going to be ready to feel way too honest about everything. Including the things he lied to himself about.

Part of the reason he had never tried weed before was his dad. This had two reasons behind it. The first was he didn't want to disappoint his dad. Sure his dad was a drunk, but that was legal. And his dad probably didn't want Adrian to end up like him. The second is the fact his dad got addicted to alcohol quick and addictions can run in a family. But right now? He didn't care. He just wanted a break from all of his problems and that's what weed promised him.

The blonde was grateful it was lit for him. He honestly couldn't use lighters. He could use matches fine, but he could never actually get lighters lit - especially the ones with the child safety on. He didn't need yet another thing to be embarrassed about. Especially since high Adrian was going to embarrass the fuck out of sober Adrian soon enough.

Speaking of high Adrian...

Adrian managed to keep from coughing long enough to inhale all of the vapor. But when he coughed, he coughed a fuck ton. But then he sort of slumped back into the couch, spreading his legs a little bit more as he got comfortable. He had a small grin on his face. Damn he was high already, he really is a lightweight. He took a relaxed breath. This is probably the least stressed he's been since his mom died. And the least amount of a filter that's ever had, saying whatever thoughts came into his mind.

"I'm greeaaaat... It feels greeeaaat... Hey, Killua? Can I tell you something? Issa secret. I trust you so I'll tell you. You're really pretty. Prettier than girls. But I feel like for me girls were never the right kinda pretty, y'know? Like I dated them and it was fun. But they were never the right pretty. And you're a different pretty than girls."

Sober Adrian is going to kill high Adrian if it's the last thing he ever does.

by sixsmith.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS WORN YOUR
FLAWS UPON YOUR SLEEVE ―

Adrian's face was getting a brighter and brighter shade of pink, Killua what are you doing to him!? He had no clue what Killua was doing. Maybe if he was sober he would try to figure out his plan or something. Hell, if he was sober he wouldn't have gotten himself into this situation. But, he wasn't sober, he had no clue Killua had a plan forming, and he did get himself into this situation.

He sorta stared at Killua's face for a second, trying to take in his entire face in his high state. He scooted a little closer to him so their legs were touching. High Adrian is a very brave version of Adrian that's for damn sure. He had a little grin on his face as he put his hand on the nearest thigh to him. It was about the same spot that Killua had his hand when he was helping Adrian with the bong.

"You said that we focus on males gazes, right? Well I'm a male, and you have my gaze. I think being pretty is better than being handsome. Being handsome is being like bearded and all buff and stuff. I don't like that. I like boys who couldn't grow facial hair if they tried reaaallly hard and who have the cutest plump lips and soft cheeks and the most amazing eyes. Handsome guys don't have all of that stuff."

Yes he once again admitted he was into Killua. Sober Adrian isn't going to be able to even look in Killua's direction after all of this. High Adrian wasn't just saying the stuff that he didn't tell people. High Adrian was saying the stuff that he wouldn't even admit to himself. Whenever these thoughts came to his mind he normally tried to push them away and pretend that they didn't exist. He denied that he was gay, especially denying being gay for one of his friends.

You see, Adrian always assumed Killua was straight. He didn't have a reason to think it, but he did. One of the cons of living in a heteronormative society. He was programmed to assume people were straight until proven otherwise when really he should just wait for evidence pointing towards anywhere on the sexuality spectrum. But, if sober Adrian doesn't realise that high Adrian definitely won't.

"Hey, Killua? Do you think that I'm a disappointment? Or that I'm a bad person? Or a coward?"

Suddenly he wasn't smiling, he was frowning. His high brain decided to go to his insecurities. He was thinking about how amazing Killua was and that led his brain to think of all of the ways that he's worse than him. It thought of his insecurities - the insecurities he refuses to talk about.

by sixsmith.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS WORN YOUR
FLAWS UPON YOUR SLEEVE ―

by sixsmith.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS WORN YOUR
FLAWS UPON YOUR SLEEVE ―

Part of Adrian was hurt by that. He put himself out there. He finally admitted that he was gay and attracted to one of his best friends. And he felt rejected. He knew he wasn't owed anything just because he was attracted to someone, it didn't make the feeling of rejection easier to handle though. In a way it was a good thing high Adrian was the one dealing with this, the memories of it all would get foggy once he sobered up so he wouldn't be as hurt. Besides, maybe Killua just wanted to wait, he did just say his lips were chapped.

Physically he didn't look super upset. A little bummed of course, but nothing too bad. The weed helped. He had a soft, small frown on his face. He let out a deep breath. He didn't want to lose a friend over the fact he had these feelings - feelings he didn't even fucking want to have. Maybe if he kept ignoring them like before, they'd go away.

"Yeah sorry man, I don't know why I even suggested that. Must be the weed. You know I'm not into dudes, remember when I had my serial dating phase?"

That was true. Soon after his mothers death Adrian had a phase where he basically dated any cute girl who would give him the time of day. Some of them he kinda liked and remained friends with after, some he was using so he could feel wanted, and some were using him. It wasn't a healthy part of his life - but he just wanted to feel as though someone cared about him. And all of those girls who said they loved him and held him made him feel just that, cared about. Killua isn't the only asshole in the room.

He began to feel pressure, as if he was being judged. Despite the fact it was just the two of them he felt as though the room was suddenly crowded. He wanted the topic dropped and he wanted it dropped now. He also wanted more weed. The moment he inhaled the weed he instantly felt better. It would make him feel better again, right? He was mad at himself through his fog. Why would he do that? Why would he say what he said?

"I'm so fucking thirsty, let's get those drinks then I could use another hit."

He got up from the couch and headed towards the door, holding it open for Killua. When they were together Adrian always held open the door. Even if Killua was in front of him, he held open the door. That's just how their dynamic worked. The blonde didn't mind doing it either. He also had no clue that it probably just went to make Killua feel more powerful and dominant - always having someone do even the simplest tasks for him.

by sixsmith.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS WORN YOUR
FLAWS UPON YOUR SLEEVE ―

He was glad that Killua dropped the topic of Adrian's confession. Maybe they could just pretend that none of that ever happened and things could get back to normalcy. Well, relative normalcy. Adrian hiding shit was pretty obvious and it wasn't very normal. And Killua? With his planning and general toxicity? That definitely wasn't normal. Nothing about the duo was normal, but it was their own version of what is normal. Except, Adrian didn't know what Killua was planning.

If in the end Adrian got led on and hurt, maybe he deserved it. After all, he hurt his fair share of people. After his mother died and his dad started drinking, Adrian started breaking hearts. That wasn't his intent. His intent was a distraction, but not a real relationship. As soon as it started getting too real or started getting hard, he was gone. He apologised to a few after. But the majority never knew what they did wrong. Maybe Adrian would learn how that feels.

Killua wasn't the first boy he ever thought was attractive, and he probably wouldn't be the last one. But, he was the one he's so far felt the strongest about. Maybe it was because he was closer to Killua or their personality types. Whatever it was, Adrian felt drawn into him. Killua was like a siren, luring in Adrian. But, like a siren, once he got too close the siren would just drown him. And he would never see it coming.

He knew about his friends past relationship with girls, but didn't really care. That was a long time ago and people make mistakes. Adrian made very similar mistakes with girls, but he was different now. And he was assuming that his friend was different too, especially since it's been so long since it's happened. But, he wasn't different. And Adrian was about to learn how unchanged Killua was the hard way.

Adrian didn't mind the legs. Killua usually did stuff like that. Another weird thing that he's sort of just gotten used to. He was tempted to make a joke about just sitting on his lap if he was going to have his legs on him, but he refrained. He didn't want this to be the kiss thing all over again. Normally he'd say no to something as revealing as 21 questions. But high Adrian? High Adrian had his walls lowered and his self-defense was way more down than normal.

"Sure! That sounds like it would be fun, I guess. Do you want to start first since it's your idea?"

by sixsmith.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS WORN YOUR
FLAWS UPON YOUR SLEEVE ―

That was a hard one. He paused for a moment thinking of all of his possessions. And instantly one popped into his mind, "The necklace my mother left for me is number one... and considering it's a deserted island I'm assuming there's no electronics. Let me think about this for a minute."

His protective side didn't worry about mentioning the necklace. It's not like it was a secret his mom has died. In fact, he cried to Killua the day after the funeral. Her obituary was in the local paper and he had to take a few days off of school and training so he could try to grieve. What was a secret is his connection to her death. How his father reacted to her death. How he's felt even over a year after she died. That was the shit he wouldn't talk about.

The necklace itself was given to her for her sixteenth birthday. It was a simple silver chain with a single diamond hanging from it. Simple yet classy. She had planned to give it to Adrian for his sixteenth birthday and pass it down, but she died before that could happen. So upon her death his father gave it to him, knowing her plans for it. He usually doesn't wear it, scared of something happening to it. He definitely doesn't wear it to training, but he'll wear it for special occasions and wears it for reapings for good luck.

It was a pretty feminine necklace, but he really didn't care. Adrian considered it the last piece of his mother than he had left and he'd treasure it for the rest of his life. Now he just needed to think of two more things to bring. After some thought, he managed to decide on two, "I know it's been a while since you've been to my place but remember that really fluffy blanket? I'd bring that. And finally I'd probably bring this journal I got recently, it's kinda fun to write in."


As soon as he said journal, protective Adrian started panicking a bit as high Adrian started to get a little nervous. The only person who knew he started writing in a journal was his dad, and his dad didn't really care. Hell for all his dad knew it could be something for school. Adrian did have the journal with him, it was in the backpack he had brought over with his sketchbook. He didn't have anything in it about Killua, but he had so much shit about his past and his insecurities.

Wanting to move on the conversation, Adrian decided to come up with a question and quick, "What's one of your favourite memories growing up?" Not knowing about Killua's past, Adrian had thought that would just be a fun, light-hearted question. Maybe Killua had gotten a really cool birthday present one year or played an epic game of tag. He didn't know that this could possible hitting a sore spot for his friend.

by sixsmith.