melissa burlock . d3 . fin

A few years ago, I started to have the feeling that there was something up with my father. I felt like he was hiding something, and for quite a while, I tried to figure it out. I never did discover it on my own, though. My mother left when I was a baby, so it was just my dad, my sister and I on the day that the Peacekeepers came in and arrested him.

He was arrested just a few months ago, and since then, my sister Jessie and I have been living in an orphanage here in Three. The Peacekeepers explained it to us- what he did, I mean. Although, I definitely feel like there are some details they left out. They told me that he was being arrested for being a part of a criminal gang in District Three. He'd robbed people. He'd attacked people he didn't get along with, and he eventually killed a guy. That's what got him in the worst trouble.

I didn't think about it until my closest friend from school- Tessa- brought it up to me, but I'm assuming that he's an avox now. That, or they executed him. I suppose I'll never really know one way or another, though. It wasn't really publicized for some reason.

I'd consider myself to be somewhat oblivious to not have known what he was up to. Then again, there's a lot of things that I don't realize until it's too late. That's beside the point, though. I miss my dad, despite the things that he did, and I still care about him. I'm an overly caring person sometimes, I guess, even when I really shouldn't be. I probably shouldn't care about a criminal, but I do. I still love my dad.

Sometimes being overly caring has gotten me hurt. There was a time where I cared so much about one of my friends, and tried to help her with everything, that I didn't help myself. I ended up really struggling with my health because I tried so much to acknowledge hers over my own. I'm trying to get better about looking out for myself, though.

On a regular basis, I have trouble looking after myself. Jessie has to motivate me to get my butt moving in the right direction sometimes. I wish I didn't need her help, but sometimes it's just what I need. I'll spend days on end just sitting on my bed, reading. I'd only come out to eat or use the bathroom, and then go back to my reading. Sure, reading is good for you, but it shouldn't be the only thing you do, either.

I'm sometimes afraid that I'll just fade away into nothingness if I don't get myself back on track. I try my best in school, I really do- but I've been slipping quite a bit since my dad was taken away. I'm not really sure that anything will ever fix that. I just wish I knew how to pick up the pieces of my life and put it back together. It just feels like it keeps falling apart again every time I try to fix it.

What could I possibly do to get my life back to normal? Do I need to just fake it, and pretend that everything is okay when it's not? Do I need to do something dramatic and lifechanging just to feel meaning in my life again? I'm really not sure. I don't know how to fix things, and it's breaking me slowly.

I just want my father back.