balancing act // bubby&blade

It was my makeshift safe haven. Knots. I wasn’t necessarily someone who knew all their knots, and could do them quickly and flawlessly. But It was the one things here I’d done before. I could repeat the same things over and over again without anxiety. I didn’t feel worthless or judged.

I knew what I was doing.

That said, it was probably a waste of time. I was there to learn skills, not showcase them. But with my panic:subdued ratio off the charts the last few days, it was nice to fiddle my fingers for awhile with the one thing here that reminded me of home.

And I didn’t hate that I wasn’t alone.

A girl was there, twiddling twine. I hadn’t noticed her much before. I mean, I had. I saw her reaping video. But whenever I looked around the room, she didn’t catch my eye. Granted, I was usually just making sure there was as much distance between Mauve and I as possible. But there she was, at the same table as me. And I didn’t hate it. It was a comfortable, cohesive silence.

It was the best conversation I’d had since I’d left Four.

She eventually asked me for a feather. At first, I was disappointed in the break. But after pausing for a bit to long after her question, I realized I didn’t mind.

My stoic pose suddenly crumbled as I grabbed up the entire small pile I had collected. I smiled at her, and I think it might have been a genuine, pleasure-able smile instead of my usual ‘please stop perceiving me’ awkward grin. “Here. I’m not really using them anyways.”

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it
I had a bad feeling