prop o'malley. d11. fin.

he person I would like to apologize to the most is my little brother Six. I've always prided myself on being a good older brother - being the third oldest in the family. But that day when his name got called out, everyone found out what a bad brother I was. I should have volunteered. It never should have been him that got his name called out. I guess I was just in shock like everyone else. But that doesn't excuse shit. I'm not sure if I believe in all of this God bullshit like the rest of my family, but if there was a God I don't see why he'd make an innocent kid like Six suffer.

Honestly, if it wasn't for our physical similarities I doubt anyone would guess that I was related to the rest of my family. You know the ones I'm talking about. The hair, curly and red. Of course not every O'Malley has this trait, but enough of us do. And my eyes, my eyes look just like Lock's - we both have smaller blue eyes. Well, they aren't exactly the same. I swear the blue in his eyes is brighter, more clear. Maybe it's because he has a brighter future ahead of him than I do. Then there's the freckles. Out of all of us, even the least freckled kid definitely has one or two somewhere. Mine? Mine are all over my face, mainly around my nose and cheeks though.

Of course, like everyone in the family, I have one or two features the rest don't have. And you know what? I'm fucking glad I'm the only one with these features. Not a fan. My face, usually radiating from my nose, often times gets a red discoloration. I hate that, it's embarrassing. Luckily for me, I'm pale as snow. This means that I can pass it off as a weird sunburn if I need to. Then there's all the scars. Some are from fights. Some are from injuries we all go through. Sure all of us have scars, I just feel like I have more than most of my siblings. Maybe except for Six.

Ah yes, the scars. My least favourite one? The giant pale gash on the back of my left calf. That one was a fight I couldn't lie to mom about. She was pretty pissed off. Basically, I owed a dude some money. I borrowed some to buy a cake for Fly's birthday one year. Well, I just kind of never paid that money back. I told the dude to shut up about the money and he grabbed a piece of glass from the ground. Luckily, as far as the Peacekeepers were concerned he was just a drunk attacking some kid with a shard of glass. I was told to go home and to be more careful.

For my next apology, I'd like to apologize to the rest of my family. I know that I caused a lot of stress for them over the years. I have been in the wrong crowds in the past and probably still am. This has caused them wondering where I am when it's midnight and I haven't come home yet. It makes them wonder who hurt me and who I hurt when I come home with black eyes and bloody noses. I'm trying to get out of this troubled life, I am. They already have to worry about Six, it's not fair if I give them one more stressor. It's just hard. It's so damn hard.

Of course, my parents don't know the full story. If they heard me swear, it would cause a shitstorm. Fuck, they gave Lock a blackeye for swearing and he's not even the bad kid in the family. I feel like I've spent more of my life in trouble with them than not. At this point, I doubt the bars on my window are ever going to be taken off. But, I can't really blame them now that I'm thinking all of this through.

You know what the worst part about all of this is? I'm apologizing like I'm going to change. Like after saying all of this I'm going to be a better brother, a better son, a better person. But I doubt it. I can try. I can really try. But at this point, it's just who I am. Who I am is a shit older brother who gets into fights when kids pick on my siblings, but can't volunteer to save a sibling. Who I am is a terrible son that makes his mom and dad wonder if he's going to be found dead in a ditch some day. Who I am is a bad person. But I am really trying my best here.

But, it's not over yet. I have one more apology to give. I also need to apologize to all of the girls whose hearts I broke. I'm a hell of a flirt, and labels don't usually mean a ton to me. I've cheated on girls, spread rumours about them, and told people the things we did that I promised I wouldn't. And the guilt of all of this has really been getting to me. I can't promise I won't be a flirt. But, I'm going to try to fix myself in all parts of my life. This is included. I'm going to try to be sweet to girls, but not break their hearts.

I've felt like apologizing to those girls before, but I didn't. I didn't because I felt like they'd forgive me too easily. When I'm not swearing up a storm, I know how to be charismatic. That's how I got that guy to give me a bunch of money and wait so long before ever paying him back. That's how I've yet to be sent to the detention center for my fighting. Honestly, my charisma is probably the only reason I haven't been kicked out of school yet. And yet, I feel like my charisma is the worst part of me. I don't like using people. The type of people who get used are the people who don't know any better - the people like Lock and Six. I would hate it if someone manipulated them. But, I guess it's good to have that skill in the back pocket.

Basically, I'm a piece of shit all around. And I'm sorry for it all. I'm sorry for the fights. I'm sorry for whatever happens to Six in that arena. I'm sorry for everyone that I hurt before. I'm sorry for the lies. Mom and dad, I'm sorry for all of the worry I've caused you. And I'm also sorry to everyone that Six hurts in that arena. I hope you all know he doesn't want to do it. He shouldn't have to do it. It should have been me that day, but it wasn't. And most of all, I'm sorry that I'm too scared to just end it. What is it? What am I too scared to end? My life? My mistake? Maybe a mixture of both. Regardless, I just hope my family knows that I love them. I hope that Six knows I love him.

Sincerely,
Prop O'Malley

MADE BY KAGNEY