keeping promises.— [prop/fly]

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keeping promises.— [prop/fly] Jun 17, 2021 2:16:11 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2021 2:16:11 GMT -5

PROP O'MALLEY - 452 WORDS

I

've been going to Six's room almost every night since the day he got reaped. Of course, I don't go during the day time. I don't need my siblings seeing me in there. I'm the third oldest one, after all. It's my job to be strong for the rest of them. That's always been my role in this family. Six was the one who made sure no one got too hurt, Lock is the one who makes sure everyone is happy, and I'm the strong one. But, I'm not. I'm really not. I'm weak, I'm so weak. The day that Six got reaped proved that weakness. If I was strong I would have volunteered, but I didn't.

And here I am, being weak again. I sit in Six's old room and I weep. I'm on his bed, holding a teddy bear he's had basically since the day he was born. And I'm crying. This is the first night I've actually cried since he got reaped. The first night, I was more pissed than anything. Not pissed at him or the government or even God. Pissed at myself for allowing that to happen. The second night I was apologetic. I wrote a note apologizing to everyone that I had ever wronged. I didn't throw it away, nor did I keep it. I put it in a safe spot. That's all you need to note. Every night has been different, but today I finally cried.

Crying for the first time in a long time is a strange feeling. At first you feel an overwhelming sadness, caused by whatever made you feel the need to cry in the first place. But then, the feeling passes. And instead you feel something else. You feel catharsis. Because you realise something. You're crying not just over what made you sad in that moment, but you're weeping all of the unwept tears from all of the tragedies you have been burrowing deep within your soul. That state only makes you cry more, but it's a good thing.

That's the state I was in where I heard a creek in the old wooden floors. I tried to silence my crying, assuming it was just a sibling waking up for some water or perhaps a midnight snack. But now that the floodwalls had been broken down they were not being repaired any time soon. Then the door to Six's room opened and I looked to see who had opened it. And, I instantly recognized the person. Fly. It was time for me to be the strong big brother again, to push down my tragedy until it all became too much to handle again.

"Fly, beautiful, what are you doing up so late? Are you alright?"

MADE BY KAGNEY

Last Edit: Jun 17, 2021 2:34:28 GMT -5 by Deleted

kap
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trans rights are human rights <3

keeping promises.— [prop/fly] Jun 18, 2021 9:33:29 GMT -5

Post by kap on Jun 18, 2021 9:33:29 GMT -5

fly o'malley

The sound of crying is a familiar one. I've done it many times myself, with the most recent being that day in the Justice Building after Six was reaped. I haven't let myself cry since then, though. No, I told Six that I would be strong and take care of our siblings. I told him that I would look out for them. If I was going to look out for them, I couldn't be crying all the time. I had to let them be the ones to let out all of their emotions and I was supposed to be there to help them when it got to be too much.

My eyes open in response to sobbing sounds resonating from a bedroom just down the hall. I know what I have to do. I have to be the hero. I've always wanted to be the hero, but didn't think it would be in a situation like this. I never imagined that Six would be reaped, or that I would have to take care of my siblings when it happened. I always assumed that it would be me who was reaped, and that Six would be trying to calm me down before I left for the Hunger Games. That wasn't what happened, though. No, it was oh so different than what I thought it was going to be. Him getting reaped instead of me is like expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor. It's so much worse.

I get out of bed and open my door quietly. Starting down the hallway, I make my way over to Six's room, and the floorboards creak. I don't want to wake anyone else up, so I hope that the only one who heard me coming was whoever was crying. For some reason, I couldn't recognize the sound of the crying. It must have been someone I'd never heard cry before.

I open the door to the room where the sobs are emerging from. It's Six's room, and Prop is in there. Prop had been crying? No wonder I didn't recognize the sound. I don't know if I've ever heard him cry before. Immediately, when Prop noticed me, the crying stopped and he tried his best to act like he wasn't the one who had something going on in that moment.

"Fly, beautiful, what are you doing up so late? Are you alright?" he asked me. He wanted to know if I was alright, when I was just concerned about him.

"I'm okay, Prop. I just... I heard you crying. I wanted to make sure you were okay." I explained.

I hoped he wasn't mad at me for getting out of bed to check on him, and I hoped that he wasn't embarrassed, either. I was concerned, and I was doing what I'd promised Six I would do. The least that I could do was keep my promise.

"So start ignition, count to zero
I just want to be a superhero"

478 words
lyrics:
"Superhero" by Tim McMorris

made by eden @ gs and thq

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keeping promises.— [prop/fly] Jun 19, 2021 20:12:05 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2021 20:12:05 GMT -5

PROP O'MALLEY - 679 WORDS

I

t's ironic, isn't it? My little sister - who's four years younger than me - was worried about me. Usually, I was worried about her and the rest of my siblings, fuck I even worry about One and Hook. I don't always show it the best, but I do worry. That's how I differ from my brothers like Lock and Six. They have always worn their emotions and feelings loud and proud, I've been scared to. If my family knew about all of the shit that goes on inside my head I'm not sure if they would be more worried or angry. Probably a bit of both. How am I supposed to tell them about all of this though?

I can't, it's just all too complicated. So I never spill any of it. I play the part that I'm expected to, appearing happy or stoic constantly. Fly had never seen or heard me cry before, maybe that's why she's so shocked. I know that One and Hook have, I think Lock and Four saw me cry when we were kids - but that's about it. If people see you cry, they know that somethings wrong. And something has always been wrong with me. For as long as I can remember I've struggled to find any sort of happiness. My family makes me smile and feel happy for a bit, but then that feeling of inner pain and torment comes out as I lie in bed late at night. And now not even my family is enough to make that pain fade. I learned that I can lose even that.

The Bloodbath is starting in a few short days and I worry about Six. I know they have top-notch trainers there, but Six had never been much of a fighter. For years he followed me around on the playground knowing I would protect him from bullies. Eventually, I got him to go play by himself. He thought the bullies had stopped, but really they were just scared of me. I've never had the heart to really tell him otherwise. I feel like watching the Bloodbath, it's just going to remind me of one of my many failures. My failure to protect my baby brother. My failure of courage. My entire life had been just one failure after another. I didn't want to fail Fly too.

I didn't want to lie to her either, but the truth was just too hard to talk about. I decided to just go with a happy medium. I would tell her the truth, but sugar-coat it a bit. Depression is a bitch and she's thirteen, she doesn't need to hear about how depressed and hopeless I've felt for months now. If she knew the thoughts I had in my mind she'd probably start crying. That's why I can't tell her everything, even if talking things out helps. I'll deal with my problems my own way, even if that means they just get worse and worse. I'd rather get worse than make any of my siblings cry, especially now with Six gone.

"I just miss Six, I'm worried about him just like you are and everyone else is. Being in here, in his room, it just makes me think of him kiddo. It makes me extra sad, but it's good in a way."

I would rather feel sadness for his brother than nothing. Sometimes the feeling of pain was better than the feeling of emptiness. My own room was beginning to feel like a prison - a void where joy and even sanity goes to die. My life had been feeling like that as well recently, but I can't do anything about it. If I try to escape this prison, my family will have to deal with the consequences. And even if they didn't, I'm too much of a coward to do it because I don't know what comes next. This whole God thing? It's bullshit it's fucking bullshit. It's people looking for meaning when there is none because I can tell you right now my life is pretty fucking meaningless.

MADE BY KAGNEY

Last Edit: Jun 25, 2021 0:22:31 GMT -5 by Deleted

kap
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keeping promises.— [prop/fly] Jun 24, 2021 7:53:36 GMT -5

Post by kap on Jun 24, 2021 7:53:36 GMT -5

fly o'malley

I listened to what Prop had to say. I was always a good listener. At least, I thought so. I liked to help people more than anything, and to help people, you have to listen and find out what the problem at hand is.

Prop explained how he missed Six, and I understood what he meant. It made me sad, too, but I had to be tough. I couldn't do what Prop did and come in his room at night to cry, although I didn't blame him for doing so. I had to be strong. I'd promised Six that I'd help my siblings through all of this, and I was determined to do so. I wasn't allowed to be crying, in my opinion. The hero isn't allowed to cry. At least, not until all of their work is done.

When Prop said that the way it made him sad was good in a way, I knew he was just trying to protect me from knowing how he really felt. He wasn't crying because things were 'good'. He was crying because everything felt like it had gone wrong. I just wanted to hug him. Then again, what was really stopping me?

"Can I give you a hug, big brother?" I asked him. I was hoping he'd say yes.

"I miss Six, too. I'm worried about him, too, so I know how you feel. I think he'll be home after the Games are over, though. I think he'll come back to us, and things can go back to the way they were before."

I was confident in my brother. I truly did believe he'd make it home alive. Of course, I couldn't promise anyone anything. That wasn't my place to do so. I just had to say what I was thinking, and hope that I was right about it all. I couldn't make any guarantees, but I certainly wanted a guarantee. I wanted to know for sure that I'd see my brother again. I wanted to hear Six's laugh and play games with him. I wanted to sit at the dinner table with him and talk about our days while we ate our food. It was really all the little things like that that I missed so much about him being here with us.

I wanted Six to come home, and I wanted to cry about it, too, but I had to be strong. I was the one that was supposed to be the superhero.

"So start ignition, count to zero
I just want to be a superhero"

407 words
lyrics:
"Superhero" by Tim McMorris

made by eden @ gs and thq

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keeping promises.— [prop/fly] Jun 25, 2021 0:36:51 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2021 0:36:51 GMT -5

PROP O'MALLEY - 557 WORDS

I

didn't know how to feel in that moment. I knew I wanted to hug my sister and never let her go, but that was about it. On one hand, I was tired of hiding my feelings. I was tired of always pretending to be this strong older brother who never has issues. I have so many god damn issues. That's why I drink despite my parents getting pissed off. That's why I act out and get in trouble. That's why I stay up writing notes that no one will ever read. I am so tired of all of that secrecy.

But at this point I've been burying everything for so long that I don't know how to open up. I might open up to one of my older siblings eventually, but everything in my head is too much to tell a thirteen year old, even if she's as mature as Fly. There's still so much of life she had yet to experience. And some of my experiences I hope she never has. I hope in the deepest parts of my heart that she never feels as hopeless as I have.

And part of me wishes I told her all of this, including the things I wish she'd never experience first hand. But I don't. I didn't say anything at all to her, instead I just hug her. Hugs are common in our family and everyone does it differently. Six would squeeze you as tight as he could, as if he was scared of letting go. I don't hug as tight, but I don't need to considering I actually have muscle mass. Instead I make a point to hug you with my whole body, I hug with my entire being - trying to envelop the hugged person with a sense of safety.

Ironically, hugs rarely make me feel safe. I almost never feel truly safe. I don't know what I'm so paranoid about. But, looking back, maybe I should have been more paranoid sooner. Maybe then I would have seen the universes plans for Six before he got reaped and I could have done something instead of freezing up. Or maybe I could have figured out a way for him to miss the reaping. But, all of my paranoia was for nothing. I didn't see any signs. And I couldn't stop fate.

What showed the difference between Fly and I was her optimism. I remember those days. When I felt so young and free like death and suffering couldn't touch me. But, we are not immortal. Our family is not untouchable just because we have hope. I learned that the hard way one day and I hope that this is not the universes way of teaching Fly how useless that sort of optimism really is. I don't believe in this bullshit God like my family does, but I felt like praying in that moment. Praying for Six to come back safely. Praying for Fly to never lose her innocence to the cruelty of this world. But I knew it would be useless. God had never answered my prayers before, why would he now? Even if he did exist, the two of us were never on the best of terms to begin with.

"Fly, I love you. I couldn't protect Six but I will do everything in my power to protect you."

MADE BY KAGNEY

kap
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Pronouns: they/them
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trans rights are human rights <3

keeping promises.— [prop/fly] Jun 27, 2021 11:22:46 GMT -5

Post by kap on Jun 27, 2021 11:22:46 GMT -5

fly o'malley

His hug was strong as he enveloped me in it, and it made me feel more at ease. Sure, I was here to comfort Prop, but honestly, I could use some comforting as well.

"Fly, I love you. I couldn't protect Six but I will do everything in my power to protect you." he told me.

Prop wanted to protect me, but with what I'd agreed to with Six, it was my job to protect my siblings, not the other way around. I looked at Prop, and I wanted to cry, too. I could still see the wetness of the tears that had been streaming down his face moments before, and it really made me quite sad. I wished I could make his sadness go away, even if I had to take it all for myself.

"I love you too, Prop." I looked at him with a gentle smile. "You don't need to protect me, though. It's my job to protect you, and everyone else. I promised Six that I'd take care of protecting all of our siblings, and I'm going to do that."

I looked down at my feet for a moment and then looked back up at Prop.

"I think it's my turn to be the superhero, big brother. You know I've always wanted to be." It was true. I'd always wanted to be the hero. I'd always wanted to save people from what ailed them, and protect them from the villains of the world. I wanted to keep them all safe, no matter what challenges came up in their lives and tried to harm them. It was my goal in life to be the one to help people when times are tough, and I was determined to do so.

I was nervous, telling Prop that I wanted to be the one to protect them all, but I wasn't quite sure why I was nervous. My anxiety just seemed to have spiked up in that moment, and I wasn't sure how to make it go away. I'd always been the nervous type, which isn't exactly the best trait for a hero. I was working hard to get past it, though. So, I was glad I told Prop what was on my mind. Speaking your mind and sharing your emotions was better than bottling everything up.

Although, I supposed I was sort of bottling things up. I wasn't telling Prop how upset I really was, and how I wanted to cry like he had been doing. Instead, I was telling him that I was supposed to be keeping him safe. Even though that was true, it wasn't everything that was on my mind.

I wished I felt comfortable being more honest, but some things you just have to bury deep down inside.

"So start ignition, count to zero
I just want to be a superhero"

455 words
lyrics:
"Superhero" by Tim McMorris

made by eden @ gs and thq

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keeping promises.— [prop/fly] Jun 28, 2021 13:46:21 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2021 13:46:21 GMT -5

PROP O'MALLEY - 491 WORDS

F

ly O'Malley was a far better person at age thirteen than I will ever be. I don't just mean she's more morally correct than I am or that she's more skilled than I - though those things are both true. I mean she's more of a human being. She has a goal in life, even if it may seems childish to some. I'm almost eighteen and have no fucking clue what I want to do with my life.

My life is just me existing through all of the bullshit. No purpose. No meaning. No goal. Even Six has a purpose to his life, that's what his interview taught me. All of us is his purpose, his family. He kept talking about us, showing how much we mean to him. It makes me feel even worse about letting the Capitol take him. I should have stepped in. I should have fucking done something. But I didn't.

I feel proud of both of them - Fly and Six. Six was being brave, even though I know how easily he gets scared. Fly? She was being brave too. She was one of the youngest members of the family and here she was trying to step up to the plate. She said she had promised Six, and I had a feeling why Six brought that up. She always wanted to be a hero.

Six was probably trying to make her feel better. He wasn't Lock by any means, but Six still had ways of cheering up his siblings. Even I really try hard to cheer them up, even though I haven't been feeling okay myself for a long while. The way I see it it was that it doesn't matter how I feel as long as none of my siblings had to feel the way that I've been feeling.

She was nervous, I could tell. I thought about saying that Six didn't know what he was talking about or point out that she was a child and there was still so much she didn't know. But that's not what she needed to hear right now. She needed to hear about how amazing and strong she was. And complimenting my younger siblings? That came easy to me. I may be an asshole, just some punk ass kid with no purpose in life. But without my siblings, younger and older, I probably wouldn't be here. I love them with all of my heart and I really need them to understand and see that.

"Fly, you're already a hero, precious. You're my little hero. You being my little sister - you've helped me with a lot even if you didn't mean to. You and everyone else really are my entire world. You've always been my hero. But it's okay for heroes to get sad or upset. Six wouldn't want you to hold in your tears or your worries. How are you going to save the day if you're upset about your big brother?"