leon fray /1

I don't remember that time.

That's what I always say, sunny little smirk dashed across my face like a checkmark. It's easier to lie, to pool the memories up in my cupped hands and let them all slide out through the cracks. The time before the orphanage doesn't really matter anyway, Noel wasn't there.

The other kids used to call me spot 'cause I was always following her around. That's not entirely how it was though 'cause if I wasn't following Noel around than she was following me. Spot also came from the black eye that one time but you know, mainly dogs being loyal and stuff. I never really cared for the nickname, didn't feel like it suited me as much as Leon. Point is, Noel and I always stuck together like glue in there because we had to. An orphanage isn't a good place to grow up, especially not that one.

It doubled as a training centre and our grades were always posted at the back of the mess hall every week, kids who'd done worse had their names in red, kids who'd done good got their names in green. Having a green name meant that you got to eat all three meals. Every week your name was in red, you'd get a meal taken away and that got some kids desperate.

I wasn't great at first, I'd been a scrawny kid. Matron's said I didn't get enough to eat growing up and there was no hope for me. There was a point where I didn't even get afternoon snack and that's when I met Noel. She gave me her half of an apple and that's when I found out we were both born on the same day in August, same year and everything.

I don't even know if she remembers, we were barely five, but I think she saved my life.

Since then, it never mattered where we went, I was happy to go. We left that place somewhere around fourteen. I filled my backpack with all the food I could from the pantry and Noel and I made a run for it over the fence. We were really good at sneaking out by then, we'd just never snuck out for good before. I still remember the way that felt, like suddenly the world was opened up in front of us. I was so happy that I screamed and Noel laughed at me and shoved me against a wall to shut me up, "It's two in the morning, doofus."

But I knew she was happy too.

We survived pretty well for awhile, just the two of us. Noel would case a person or place for days and I'd wait for her to tell me to go ahead and steal from them. I didn't like it at first, didn't like the way it made me feel to take from other people but there wasn't an alternative, if we didn't steal then we'd both go hungry. I already knew what hunger felt like and once you know it, you never forget, I didn't need a refresher.

It's not like we were thieves every night anyway. Sometimes we'd get enough to last us weeks and then Noel and me would spend our days walking around and seeing all the things we'd never been able to see before living in the orphanage. Once, we even walked up and down through victor's village and looked at all those great big houses.

"Bet we're gonna live in one of those someday."
"Bet I can get into one right now!"
"Bet you're gonna get caught!"

But I never did, not when Noel was in charge. She was always good at figuring out hits to perfection, timing the break in for the exact moment the housewife was picking the milk up off of the porch and having her morning cigarette. Noel would figure all these things out about people and then she'd just point me at them, like the sharp end of a blade.

And every day I grew taller, even on days when there was nothing to eat, I was still happy. It didn't matter to me where we were sleeping at the end of the day, as long as I had Noel.

Then, one afternoon, we messed up.

It's almost like the golden paperweight had been left in front of the open window as bait. The minute I'd felt my hand wrap around it, I felt the knife against my side the next. I don't think I was scared though, I don't think I thought anything as I dropped the weight ad brought my hands up to twist the arm holding the knife. It was easy to remember the dorky little self-defence classes on the blue mats in the orphanage church. I still remembered exactly how to get out of that situation, it'd been drilled into my head so many times.

I wasn't scared, just thrilled to be putting my skill to use and when I was pushed into the wall beside the window, a hand around my throat, I just grinned. It's joyful to live, joyful to touch death and keep breathing.

"Do you know who I am?" the man had asked me.

Of course I did, Noel had been the one to choose the target so of course she'd found out everything. My style was usually less researched, more impulsive, but she'd been watching this place for awhile.

"Fray," I'd choked out through the tight hold on my throat, "Tarver Fray."

I think I passed out a few moments after that. I expected to wake up in chains but I didn't, I woke up in pyjamas in a bedroom. I don't think I'd ever had one of those to myself before, it took me a moment to understand really what it was. Someone else's, I knew that. The room had been left the same for years, but I only knew that because there was dust on everything. In those first few days, they kept me in there alone, no matter how often I asked for Noel.

I had nothing better to do than sift through the room's contents. At first I thought that it was some Fray kid's who'd died, there's been a run of Fray tributes, everyone knows that. I thought I had it all figured out and I'd lay there in the dark, lonely, missing Noel and talking to the ghost of Kaiser Fray.

("Sorry for sleeping in your bed, it's just a lot better than the floor, don't kill me in my sleep.")

Then three days later, I was sitting beside Noel, hand wrapped tightly around hers while Tarver was telling us that he was gonna keep us instead of having our tongues cut out, which was great. He waved a hand at us, dismissing us both and then he said, "Oh, Leon, you'll keep Justice's old room, perhaps you'll learn something."

So I found out I'd been sleeping in the old bed of a victor, which is probably better than sleeping in a dead boy's bed, but not by much.

I'm not a victor, I can't be one.

The message then felt pretty clear.

"You will be one."