side effects. pyrite.

"Twins. That's going to be intense."

"So they tell me."

"You're a twin. What's that like?"

"A constant competition my entire life."

"So you're not close?"

"No. The last time I saw my sister she was high and tried to sleep with my husband. Again."

"Were you ever close?"

"Once, maybe. When we were infants. I always-"

"Go on."

"I always felt...."

"Angry?"

"No - not with Phena."

"Then what did you feel?"

"It's stupid."

"No it's not. No feeling is stupid."

"I always felt... protective? See, it's fucked up."

"Not at all. It's natural to feel innately protective of family members. Even if you aren't on the best of terms."

"We're complete opposites. I don't know. I think I was fighting for something that was never there in the first place."

"Do you approach all your relationships with the same defense mechanism?"

"No. Yes. Maybe?"

"Don't take this question the wrong way - but do you get along with anyone?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Well, Addison, but..."

"But?"

"We haven't spoken in a while."

"Have you not spoken in a while or has she not spoken to you in a while?"

"Probably the latter."

"Because of your drinking?"

"...I guess she got tired of looking after me over and over again."

"Has anyone ever looked after you, Ms Shore?"

"Not really."

"What about your husband?"

"Well, yeah. In his own way."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I don't think anyone who was raised like we were knows how to look after anyone properly."

"So you find a familiarity in the way you treat each-other because it's the same way you were parented?"

"...sure, when you put it like that."

"Has he ever hurt you?"

"In what way?"

"Physically?"

"No. Never."

"Emotionally?"

"Fuck off."

"Have you ever hurt him emotionally?"

"Doubt it, but I've tried."

"See, Kellan Fray is the only person you have defended the entire time I've worked with you and yet what you're telling me now about him is the complete opposite of someone you should defend."

"We're fucked up, sure. But we look after each-other. Sickness and health, yeah? Watch the broadcast if you want the rest."

"Do you think you could look after each-other better?"

"We do our best."

"Yes or no, Ms. Shore."

"Kellan loves me and I love him and that's all that matters."

"I'm not questioning that - I'm asking whether the way you love each other could be healthier."

"..."

"Let's try it this way: Do you think the way that you treat the people closest to you could be healthier if you treated yourself better than your parents did?"

"Maybe?"

"Is that your way of saying yes?"

"I'm not saying no."

"That's good enough for now."

"You said before you were an angry child."

"I was born angry."

"What makes you angriest?"

"This?"

"You can do better than that."

"I don't know. Everything."

"You said that when you were a child you were angry at everything. That's still the case?"

"Yeah."

"Is angry your default?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know how to turn it off? The anger?"

"Drinking."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

"Anything else?"

"I don't know. Training used to help, but then it just fueled the anger even more. Adrenaline. Not good for me."

"You would train your siblings, yes?"

"Yeah."

"Did you put your worth in how well you trained them?"

"I didn't. My parents did."

"And when Opal won, did you feel fulfilled?"

"No. I just felt angrier still."

"Why?"

"She never tried. She wasn't like us. She wanted to plant fucking flowers and make friends and yet she still won anyway."

"Did your parents give you credit for the fact that she won?"

"Fuck no. They gave themselves the credit."

"And that made you angry?"

"Yeah. I punched her in the face."

"Your mother?"

"No. Opal."

"Are you still angry at her?"

"I always will be."

"Why's that?"

"Because she got everything I wanted, everything I gave to her, and she threw it away."

"How, exactly?"

"Got married, changed her name, ran away to District Eleven of all fucking places. Couldn't wait to be rid of us, of the Shores, after everything we did for her."

"After everything you did for her, you mean?"

"They blamed me for all of that. Said I didn't instill in her enough pride."

"Your parents blamed you for Opal's life choices?"

"All of my siblings life choices were my fault."

"Which ones in particular?"

"If they died in the Games it was my fault. If they didn't even get a kill it was my fault. If they didn't volunteer it was my fault. If they embarrassed us in any way it was my fault. If they fell behind at school it was my fault. If they rebelled it was my fault. Every fucking thing was my fault. It still is."

"That's an impossible burden for a teenager to handle."

"Maybe."

"No, not maybe. It was. It is. And it was unreasonable for your parents to put that expectation on you."

"Yet they did it anyway. And now I'm here."

"Because you were angry."

"Because I was angry."

"So you drank."

"So I drank."

"Does the feeling of anger and drinking co-exist in your life?"

"Absolutely."

"What about the feeling of vulnerability and drinking?"

"I don't understand."

"Often being angry is the most vulnerable a person can be."

"Huh."

"But to you, anger is a shield. A defense mechanism. A way to shut people out."

"I suppose."

"Do you drink around Kellan?"

"Yeah."

"Does he like it when you drink?"

"He used to."

"He used to?"

"It's how he got me into bed on our first date."

"So your relationship with your husband began with drinking?"

"Yeah."

"And your relationship with your parents began with anger?"

"Yeah."

"Would I be correct in saying that you feel your parents never loved you?"

"No. They do. In their own fucked up way."

"So not in a way most children receive love from their parents."

"Fuck no."

"Did you fill that void with anger?"

"Yeah."

"And then again with alcohol?"

"Yeah."

"When you fell in love with Kellan, were you angry?"

"Always."

"And drinking?"

"Almost every night."

"So love is anger is drinking is love?"

"It's all the same to me. I don't know any different."

"If I told you that you could, how would that make you feel?"

"Frightened."

"Because the unknown makes you feel scared? Even if it could be a wonderful thing?"

"Yeah."

"And the idea of being anything else but angry - existing without that shield - how does that make you feel?"

"Terrified."

"Vulnerable?"

"That's another way to put it, I guess."

"Hey doc?"

"Yes?"

"When you said they won't let me out until you can be sure I won't cause harm to the twins, were you talking about the hospital or my parents?"

"A bit of both, I'm afraid."

"Oh."