simplicity.— [cayden/cleo]
Jul 18, 2021 6:05:24 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2021 6:05:24 GMT -5
Sometimes it's the simple things that make everything worth it. When it feels easy to give up, it helps to have something to look forward to on a regular basis. Maybe you look forward to stopping by your favourite coffee shop every morning. Or you find comfort in attending church every Sunday. For me, the thing that keeps me going are picnics with my sister Cleo.
Maybe it's a little silly, but I like it. We get to sit and talk and eat food for hours. All without having to worry about anyone overhearing it. It's the only time I can ever be truly open with anyone, open with myself. Even if she doesn't realise it, our picnics are a lot of where my self-discovery happen. A conversation we had during one is what made me realize I'm gay.
Of course, our dad doesn't know about the picnics. He probably wouldn't let us go on them if he knew. They aren't manly enough or strong enough or some other excuse. His fragile masculinity really shows whenever I find joy in doing something. But because of this, I was extra nervous when he asked to talk to me about something just before the picnic.
I tried not to let my nervousness show. If I was nervous he would know I was hiding something. And he'd make me tell him. My dad knows how to make me crack. Spill everything. I don't even know if we'd get in trouble, but he'd probably want to know what we talk about and there the trouble lies.
But, I wasn't in trouble. Instead, he told me he got me a tutor. I already was doing training at the academy, training with him, and training with my siblings. How much training did he want me to do? Maybe he wanted me to finally live up to my name, to be a Valerie. Or maybe he wanted me to have yet another timeslot filled up so I can get my nose out of books. Either way, I was not impressed. But, I wasn't going to argue. Maybe once I got home, but not now. I wasn't going to let that ruin our picnic.
Instead I followed my normal routine when dealing with my dad. I kept my head down and stayed silent until I was absolutely sure he was done speaking then let out a soft 'yes sir'. After that I paused again to make sure he didn't have any final comments and then and only then did I end up leaving the room. I'm not scared of my dad, I just respect him. That's what I tell myself at least. The truth of that is a matter I'd rather not look into.
I grabbed my training bag from my bedroom then met Cleo at the front door. I was a few minutes late due to my dad suddenly pulling me aside and having that conversation with me and expected to see her waiting for me. But alas, Cleo was Cleo. And she was late, as usual. Fortunately, after another minute or two she showed up. I hoped she didn't see me get pulled aside, but she'd probably find out sooner or later.
"Cleo, are you ready to go 'train'? Did you remember to bring everything?"
Maybe it's a little silly, but I like it. We get to sit and talk and eat food for hours. All without having to worry about anyone overhearing it. It's the only time I can ever be truly open with anyone, open with myself. Even if she doesn't realise it, our picnics are a lot of where my self-discovery happen. A conversation we had during one is what made me realize I'm gay.
Of course, our dad doesn't know about the picnics. He probably wouldn't let us go on them if he knew. They aren't manly enough or strong enough or some other excuse. His fragile masculinity really shows whenever I find joy in doing something. But because of this, I was extra nervous when he asked to talk to me about something just before the picnic.
I tried not to let my nervousness show. If I was nervous he would know I was hiding something. And he'd make me tell him. My dad knows how to make me crack. Spill everything. I don't even know if we'd get in trouble, but he'd probably want to know what we talk about and there the trouble lies.
But, I wasn't in trouble. Instead, he told me he got me a tutor. I already was doing training at the academy, training with him, and training with my siblings. How much training did he want me to do? Maybe he wanted me to finally live up to my name, to be a Valerie. Or maybe he wanted me to have yet another timeslot filled up so I can get my nose out of books. Either way, I was not impressed. But, I wasn't going to argue. Maybe once I got home, but not now. I wasn't going to let that ruin our picnic.
Instead I followed my normal routine when dealing with my dad. I kept my head down and stayed silent until I was absolutely sure he was done speaking then let out a soft 'yes sir'. After that I paused again to make sure he didn't have any final comments and then and only then did I end up leaving the room. I'm not scared of my dad, I just respect him. That's what I tell myself at least. The truth of that is a matter I'd rather not look into.
I grabbed my training bag from my bedroom then met Cleo at the front door. I was a few minutes late due to my dad suddenly pulling me aside and having that conversation with me and expected to see her waiting for me. But alas, Cleo was Cleo. And she was late, as usual. Fortunately, after another minute or two she showed up. I hoped she didn't see me get pulled aside, but she'd probably find out sooner or later.
"Cleo, are you ready to go 'train'? Did you remember to bring everything?"
