abel o'malley. d11. fin.

I didn't cry when Six was reaped.

I knew that that wasn't something pa ever allowed. Before my first reaping, he pulled me aside and let me know that any tears - regardless of who got reaped - would be inexcusable. And I'd get a whooping for it. The reaping of the 88th Hunger Games, knowing my father was there somewhere in his pristine white uniform, it was enough to keep my eyes dry. As I watched Six go to the stage and go past the Peacekeepers, part of me wondered which Peacekeeper was pa, they all look the same in those uniforms.

But, I did reach over to my cousin Lock - Six's older brother. I knew his side of the family wasn't as tough as mine, that's why they switched from Peacekeeping to farming. And I gave him a gentle hand squeeze. Something that no one would notice - not pa nor Cain. I just wanted to give him some sort of comfort, even if our two sides of the family didn't always get along the best.

Ma's reasoning for why our cousin got reaped and eventually died was because it was part of God's plan. Maybe that's so, but I think she meant it in a different way than what I think. I think it was a divine punishment. Peacekeepers are like Archangels sent from God to protect Panem and keep order. His family had forsaken our god-given duty as O'Malleys to keep order within Panem. Winger O'Malley dying is what set us on this righteous path decades ago - and as soon as an O'Malley has strayed from it he dies.

Whenever I get scared of becoming a Peacekeeper like pa or Cain, I just try to remember that if I too stray from the past - I may be next. Even if I survive all my reapings, if I go back on my mission from God, he'll find a way to punish me. I try not to say this kind of stuff too much though. My younger siblings got along well with Six and I don't want to make any of my cousins too mad. I just hope this makes them see the light, and it reminds them of what O'Malleys were created by the Lord to do.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder though, what if our mission is something else? What if Six died not as punishment, but as a lesson from the Lord? But, what lesson would God be tryin' to teach us? I don't bring this up around anyone else either. Sometimes people like my cousin Prop say I don't have an original thought, I just think whatever Cain and Pa tell me to think. But I doubt either of them have ever questioned our traditions. I doubt either of them have ever seen the things Peacekeepers have done and wonder if it is truly righteous - or a deep sin.

Truth be told, Pa and Cain scare me a little bit. Pa used to only scare me when he drinks, but now I find myself fearing him more and more. I don't think Cain is scared of him. But maybe it's because they're so alike. It seems like everyday Cain is becoming more and more like Pa. I don't think I saw either of them cry at Six's funeral. I cried, I couldn't help it. And the day of the reaping? After I got home I cried and I prayed. I don't know if Cain knew I was crying, but Pa didn't or he'd have beaten me something fierce.

I just want to figure it out. What if this whole time I was wrong? If Six was meant to teach us rather than punish, I need to figure out the lesson right quick. My gut tells me that unless O'Malleys do whatever God wants - whether it is continue on the path of keeping the peace in Panem or learn a holy lesson - more of us will continue to die. If he just wants Aunt and Uncles side of the family to get back on the right path, at least my siblings and I should be safe. But if it's a lesson? I can't be too sure.

I keep praying for God for answers, but am only left with more questions. I keep reading the Bible, searching for some sort of answer or clue. I've even asked God to point me in the right direction. I've asked for Him to at least point me to the page in the Bible that I need. Yet, everytime I try to ask God for a page when I randomly open the book, it always ends on the same story. Genesis 4:1-16. The story in which my brother and I get our names from. And I struggle to find the lesson. All I fear, is God is mocking my coming death with this story.

table by kiah