the warmth of the stars.— [bear/hermes]

I waited eagerly for the day to end knowing that when the house grew quiet my family slumbering I could sneak out, following the path that would lead me to my escape. Lead me to him. The day had been tough, Ma was stressed, the store barely bringing in enough money to bring food to the table. She had looked at me with desperate eyes as she placed the measly pieces of bread out on the plates, a small scoop of some sort of stew separated into enough cups for everyone, except herself.

When we had sat down to eat, I had pushed my meal towards her, her words had refused the meal, but desperate fingers had reached for it in an instant. "I'm sorry, Bear," she mumbled around a mouthful of slightly moldy bread. "Thank you," she added, placing a tender hand on my own. I knew that it repulsed her that she had desperately taken my meal, and usually she would have refused, I would have insisted, and then she would have refused and then I would have given in, eating my meal as she busied herself in the kitchen to distract herself. Tonight she could not turn down a warm meal, starvation breaking her determination.

"Don't stress it, Ma," trying to force myself to look away from the food that seemed to be inhaled from plates. "I'll get us some extra cash for next week," I mumble in her direction, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. I saw the concern that danced in her eyes and prepared for a resistance that didn't come. It would seem that Ma was desperate. Nodding tightly she moves to pick up her plate, directing one of my younger brothers, Choal, to clear the table and to help with the dishes.

But as soon as the house turns quiet, my mother turning in wishing me goodnight, I push my feet into my shoes, slipping from the house I head towards the one place where I felt like I could finally breathe.

I could see the clearing now, and for a moment I pause, taking a moment to just stare at the boy who sat near the fence, eyes turned to the sky. He looked so beautiful under the moonlight, his dark curl was a mess, and he had some dirt on his cheek. I felt my heart begin to race, my lips peeling back into a small smile. One day I would tell him how beautiful I thought he was. One day he would know.

Pulling my coat tighter around my body I step into the clearing, a smile reserved for Hermes, pulling back the corner of my lips. "Man, it's cold," I say in the way of a greeting, taking a seat next to him. I sit close, close enough to feel his body heat against me. I try to ignore the way my leg is pressed close to his, I instead choose to focus my gaze on my hands, which I rub together to create my own warmth. But even though I was cold, I felt the happiest I had felt all day, my mother and my family's problems pushed to the back of my mind, I would brave the cold if it meant I would spend a couple of hours with Hermes.

"Whats on your mind?"

An argument dances on the tip of my tongue as I watch Hermes remove his coat, draping the material over my shoulder, still warm from his body heat. "Here, put this on. No arguing just do it." That was Hermes for you, always taking care of me, always making sure that I was okay, that I was warm, or fed. Pulling off one of his gloves he takes my hand, he says something, but I don't hear the words. I am distracted by the way our hands connect for the briefest moments. And when he pulls away I fight the desire to grab onto it, holding it tight and interlacing our fingers. I think that they would fit perfectly together.

But then instead of his hand, he pushes a biscuit into my hand, and instantly my mouth begins to water. It looked fresh, the edges soft, so mold, no staleness- oh man, I couldn't remember the last time I had had the opportunity to eat something so fresh. Swallowing hard I press the biscuit to my mouth, it takes everything that I have not to inhale it right there, and instead of taking a generous bite, chewing it carefully before swallowing.

I almost moan, my shoulder shuddering and I can't hold myself back from shoving the rest into my mouth, barely chewing before I swallow. I had forgotten how good food tasted when it wasn't days- even weeks old.

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first, Bear?"

Instantly I snap out of my biscuit high, licking the reaming crumbs from my lips. A wave of curiosity washes over me, and I give my full attention to Hermes- he had a crumb on his lip, and I try hard not to stare, stare at those lips, and instead I focus on his eyes, those beautiful big eyes that I could get lost in. Focus, Bear, I scold myself, deciding to answer his question instead of focusing on his lips, or his eyes, "lay the bad news on me first."

[word count: 342 ]

The smile on his lips die, a sadness etched onto the features of his face that had my smile dropping. As I watched his emotion envelope him I feel myself begin to feel cold, the high from the food evaporating as soon as Hermes begins to speak. He tells me how his Ma is getting sick, and that it wasn't something that was just going to go away after a few day's rest and sleep. It was serious and I felt my heart sink.

It hurt to see him in pain, to see the grief and the helplessness that swept across his face as he spoke. Sickness in twelve was something to be feared. With no medicine, no affordable health officials, if you got sick you were on your own, left to fight off disease with nothing but determination. In most cases, the determination was not enough, so you become a burden for your family- even when they tell you that you are not. You are their responsibility and because they love you they will work their ass off to save you, even if it meant that in doing so they risked themselves becoming the next burden.

"Oh, Hermes, I am so sorry," I say, sweeping him into a one-armed hug. I knew what it was like to lose a family member to illness. My pa had lost the fight with an illness that we didn't know what it was. The healers had said it was cancer, and that there was nothing that they could do except make him comfortable. Opium. An expensive drug, one that numbed the pain at the risk of addiction. I hadn't been able to afford much, and the batch I got Pa had to make last. I think most of the time he hid the pain from me, hating that I had to cross the line of the law to get him the medication that was the only thing that would take away the pain.

"What can I do? Do you need more money? I- I could get more hours with the- erm-" I knew that Hermes knew about the extra work I was getting with the gangs that worked in the black market. He knew that the random men that lingered around the end of the streets were the dealers that I worked for. He knew that the bruises that I wore occasionally belonged to those greasy weasley men- we simply just didn't talk about, or more accurately, I refused to talk about it with him. "I can get you money, okay? We can save your Ma," I promise, giving him a small, comforting smile. "I'll get the money."

[word count: 445]

Hermes ignores the one-armed hug I wrapped him in, instead of falling into my side, he pulls me into a tight hug, clingy to my body with a desperation that has my arms falling around him, comfortingly running a hand up and down his back. Had it been another time, another situation, I would have died to have him in my arms like this. I would have felt like my heart was about to explode, I wouldn't have known where to put my hands, or how tight to squeeze, or hor how long to hold him. But right now none of that matters, because Hermes needed me, and I just pull him closer, comforting the boy that I loved.

Slowly Hermes pulls himself from our hug, his eyes examining my face for a moment before they trail down my neck, noticing the bruises that ringed my throat like a choker. The bruises were fresh, and I had temporality forgotten about them, forgetting to hide them from him, from the way he looked at them, looked at me.

Then he is reaching for me, for my neck, fingertip tracing the lines of the bruises, sending shivers down my spine. I wanted to push his hand away, I wanted to hide the bruises, to wipe the concerned look from his face. But instead, I go deathly still, barely breathing until his fingers move away from my skin, back to his lap. It scared me how easily one simple touch had taken my breath away. One innocent touch that had meant nothing to him, had meant so much to me.

He pulls an envelope from his lap, his concern shifting to something more hopeful.

"You don't need to do anything, don't get hurt over me, please," he starts and instantly I feel myself begin to but in, to reassure him that I would be okay, that I could do this for his Ma, for him. But he is doesn't leave room to interrupt, "There's this sh0w in the Capitol, some reality show. Young Love in Panem-" Young Love? Wait, what? Suddenly I like he is slipping away from me, that there is a distance growing between us.

"A dating show..."

A... A dating show?

"The grand prize is $10,000. That has to be more than enough to pay for Ma to see a doctor. And move us out of the Seam."

Move out of the Seam?

Each word that slipped from his lips seemed to create more and more distance between us, a distance that I didn't want.

I wanted to tell him that he didn't need some stupid dating show, that he had me, and that I could take care of him, of his family. I wanted to tell him not to leave because I needed him. Because I loved him. But...

$10 000.

That was a lot of money, money that could change his life, save his Ma.

How could tell him not to go?

How could I ask him to stay?

What- what if he fell in love?

"I'll be gone for ten weeks, so I need you to watch my family - Ma, and Laverna especially. Please Bear, I need you to stay safe so I can do this. I don't know how else to get the money to help Ma. And you risking your life isn't an option I'll accept."

10 weeks.

For a moment I am lost forwards, but I force myself to look at him, to see the seriousness, and I fold, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder I put on a brave face. "Hermes, that's great!" I say, trying to push my selfish fears to the back of my mind. "That's- that's so great." Clearing my throat I drop my hand, "of course I'll look out for them. Your family is my family, after all."

Avoiding his gaze I fall backward, laying on my back I stare up into the sky.

"Hermes... Can I tell you something?"

[word count: 662]

Hermes... Can I tell you something?

The question had slipped past my lips before I could stop it.

I wanted- needed- to tell him how I felt before he left before we left this clearing... our spot. Because if I didn't and he left and I didn't tell him how I felt how would I be able to cope knowing that he might be falling in love with someone else? He said it was for the money, that he wasn't going for love... But when he was there, surrounded by those beautiful, flirtatious careers... what if he couldn't resist? What if he got caught too deep into the show and before he knew it felt he didn't plan for had begun to develop.

What if he did fall in love?

It would be too late to tell him then. It was now, after years of pining from the distance, I needed to find the courage to finally tell Hermes Beck that I was in love with him.

He falls back onto the ground beside me, and our arms grazed, our fingers skimming and I felt the urge to reach out and interlace our fingers. I was sure that our hands would fit perfectly together. Sighing, I balled my hands into tight fists, staring up at the stars that winked down at us. "You said said "something". So I guess you did tell me something - now you can't say anything else." He starts, and my head rolls to the side, my mouth opening in argument, scared that my courage might begin to slip.

"Just kidding man, what's on your mind? You know you can tell me anything." He finishes, and I roll onto my side so that my body faced his. For a moment I say nothing, silently studying the boy beside me, the slope of his cheekbones, the curve of his lips, the kiss of rose on his cheek due to the cold.

"Anything, huh?" I start, reaching out to pick some dirt out of his hair, dropping my hand almost immediately afterward. "Um, haha, I guess there is something I need to tell you, you know before you go." I stumble over my words, nervously swallowing as I try to find the right words. Words that wouldn't ruin our friendship, but still clear enough so that the oblivious boy beside me understood exactly what I was trying to say.

Taking a deep breath, I gather my courage. "Look, Hermes, you mean so much to me, you and your family are my family. And- And I value our friendship so much... But... But I just need you to know that my feelings for you-" what am I doing- I couldn't do this. I couldn't tell him. Panic, I choke on my words. I had to tell him, he had to know. Don't be a fool, don't chicken out. "My feelings for you are so much deeper," I choke out so fast that I wasn't sure that he would be able to catch them.

"Hermes, I love you."

[word count: 508]