The Bloodbath
Sept 3, 2019 15:35:57 GMT -5
Post by D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza] on Sept 3, 2019 15:35:57 GMT -5
d1f chastity nightmare | post five | 2113
d1f chastity nightmare | post six | 2026
knifeAnd when she spins the knife through the air, it doesn't even land on his skin. And she thinks to herself, how embarrassing, and that maybe she isn't a nightmare at all. But she vows to be true to her name, because she knew that things always were by name and by nature.
Hell was just beneath her feet — why couldn't she feel it?
Perhaps she wasn't letting herself. Perhaps there was a part of her that wanted to be like everyone else. To have a cause, to be selfless enough to sacrifice yourself for change — but she thought that she is only young, she's only fifteen, why should she have to be the one who dies to get the world to change? She was certain she had a whole life ahead of her, a future that was somewhat bright — though she thought it would be relatively dim too as a punishment for keeping secrets. Still, it was enough to want to fight for. It was enough to want to live for.
It was enough to want to kill for.
Her eyes zip to the sky, and maybe she could do with sending a prayer to whatever is up there, but she knows there is nothing there. It is probably just as fake as the greener than green grass she stands on. She didn't think whatever is up there would listen anyway, not with so many people sending prayers. She figured her prayers would get lost in the mix and be pushed aside, forgotten about and probably never even heard. Other people probably deserved to be heard more.
But she wanted to be heard more, because she wanted to live more. Maybe she had passion for life, too, and it worked in conjunction with her self-obsession. Because it is okay to feel a little bit selfish and want to protect yourself when your life is on the line, surely, even when everyone else thinks that would be the crime of the century.
She'd remind them that they are murdering each other if that was the case. She's sure murder is worse than self interest.
But murder can't be worse than anything, not when it is being so embraced by the Capitol. It can't be worse when she actually wants to commit it to save herself. She stares down to the blood on her knife and brings her other hand to wipe the bleeding back of her head. She looks not at the blood, but into it, and she sees — nothing. And then she realises that the boy who hit her must not feel guilty when the blood he has drawn does not contain anything of any emotional weight to make him feel guilty.
She thinks everyone else must be the same. They are all human — they are all as equally good and bad as each other. Just as bad, just as lethal, just as heartless as the people who stare a child in the eye and want to know how it feels to snatch that shine away. She looks around and sees just that; the boy who "killed" her daring to dance with a girl who doesn't even look twelve. She thinks he must be one of the baddest people here.
She tells herself that she is just as bad because she has to be.
Except — no, she wants to be.[ chastity attacks anapos 4m ; knife ]Vpiemxzudpknife[ 2026 -- shallow cut on left forearm -- 3.5 damage ]