Sleeping with Ghosts (Luke)
Sept 3, 2012 18:40:07 GMT -5
Post by cyrus on Sept 3, 2012 18:40:07 GMT -5
Naif Malloc
Narration
Thoughts
Other’s speech
What I Say
Exclamations
I blink as he presses his fat thumb against my face. “It rained on yer face, Naif,” he says softly, and my mouth stays slack, my eyes half closed. Because the retard thinks of it as nothing more than a drop of rain, not anything sinister or painful. Does he not f—king understand pain? Does he f—king understand anything? Nah, no, no he didn’t understand any of it at all. Because he was too good, too sweet for the way the world had closed in on us both.
And this piece, this little fleck of gold—it meant so little to me, other than that I had thought it was yours[/color]—this would never make me happy, not how it could make Scutcher. It was funny, then, at a point when the rise of my chest was labored and the numbness from the face of my father still washed over me, I could still see the beauty in Scutcher Tansy. Whether it was in the way his stomach stuck out a little bit or the curl of his hair across his temples, the gentleness was still there. He’s still good… he’s not a horrible and ugly thing… even after what I’ve done…[/color] And I know that I’ve caused him pain, letting him delve into this world of make believe. Because he would only want it more, now that that he had a chance to see the ones that he loved.
Why are you so mean to me? You’re in the doorway then, looking down at me as I rip apart the things underneath your bed. I’m rabid now, having found out about your wish to be with some girl. That you hadn’t come to bed one evening because she was here and—what could you have possibly known what to do—you’d spent the whole night with her. It’s for your own good. I say as I hold up one of your green army men and snap him from his base into two pieces. Hey… hey that was Captain Joe! You move forward and I give a grin again. Yeah, f—k you Cyrus. What are you going to do? I snap another and another and you’re down on your knees. Stop it! You reach to grab some of the green men on the floor and I grab at your wrists, hard. What’s the matter, you big baby? Afraid you’re not going to pway wit your wittle toys? And you look at me then, hurt in your eyes, but your brow furrows and you yank back. I said quit it! But I don’t, I keep snapping away at them until at last you put throw your arms against me and shove me as hard as you can. You’re big now, and strong, too from the nights cutting metal. I hit the wall with force and let out a yelp.
“Scutcher…” I say as I struggle to get to my feet. I fiddle with the cool metal on my finger and slide it off before placing it into my hands. “Scutcher… I want you to have something… it’s not mine… it’s…” I say as I look at his face now. He’s so good, he’s so f—king good.[/color] The ring wasn’t mine at all, it was some dead girl’s, some poor kid that had gone into the games that would never be coming back… the same one that his heart so desparately ached for… the one that I’d help drudge up memories about. And no one wanted him to remember her, because that would bring out all the pain and confusion again. But it would connect the two of us, then, wouldn’t it? More than a needle in the arm.[/color] And I shakily hold out the thing in my hand as though some sort of peace offering to him. “It’s yours… he would’ve wanted you to have it… he would’ve… he would’ve wanted to give it to the person it makes happy… Cyrus would’ve…” I lean a little bit closer, my face brushing up against his neck. Down below I’m stirring, his big body up against mine and I think—he’s so much like you, can’t I just have you for tonight[/color]—that maybe I can have him after all.
I’m on him in a flash, tackling him down to the ground, and he knows that what he’s done is worse than wrong. He has never hit me, not like this, and I’m ready to rip him to pieces. You motherf—ker, you stupid, stupid, asshole. My fists are on his face, his beautiful face, and I move to wrap my hands around his neck. I can do whatever I want, I can do whatever I want! He coughs and hacks as I choke him, and he grabs at my wrists with a force he’s not used before. Naif… stop… Naif… hurting… me… I spit on his face and he closes his eyes. He didn’t believe in violence, but I did. And I got what I wanted, whether he liked it or not, because I deserved it. He didn’t deserve to be happy, he got to have everything—couldn’t I just have this, why couldn’t I just have him—and at this he scrambles and pushes me back. He goes to make a break for the door, but I’m in the air again, crushing him down to the floor just a few feet from the door knob. You’re mine Cyrus. You can’t be anyone else’s, you’re mine…
I move my mouth up against his neck and offer a kiss. I can taste the dirt and sweat that Scutcher carries. I kiss him against and press myself against him, my arms wrapping tight against his body. A hand snakes down until I reach the space where his shirt is tucked into his pants and lift it up, digging down deeper for my prize. I move my face in front of him. “Let’s be together, too, Scutcher… you and me… we can look out for each other…” I move to kiss him on the lips, my mouth wet and still smelling of bile. But I press against him anyway because he’s mine[/color]. Tonight I’m making him mine forever and always. His eyes would roll back and he’d forget about Tallow, about Nonnie, about his miserable life in District 10. No, I had shown him the magic that I could do, and I wasn’t finished yet.
Always yours… Cyrus cries out as I finish, before collapsing in a heap on top of his bed. His back is a sweaty sheen and he let outs a sigh as I curl up next to him. I kiss his neck again and he stares out at the door. I won’t ever hurt you again Naif… I’m sorry… He whispers his apology as though he’s afraid someone else will hear. I’ll always protect your Cyrus… as long as your mine… no one else’s… just mine… And with this I kiss him again and wrap my arms around his chest. He lets out another sigh as the two of us snuggle up together, and I reach to feel his heart beat against my hand. Mine. [/color]
“You’ll feel so good… you’ll be mine… we’ll be together…” I’m lifting up his shirt now and move down below, where my hand has found its prize. “You and me… I’ll teach you so much, Scutcher…” Just be with me tonight, please?[/color]
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