a boy is a siren / carly & andrew, day 3

She wakes from a dream where she's the one driving the blade through Lux's chest.

Rewind, whispering over the campfire, she recognizes that there's just as much blood on her hands as there is on Tune's. She gave the order, after all. Set the plan in motion. When she stares at the carnage, at the choices she's made, she doesn't dare blame her friends for them. They are hers, and her castmate is dead simply because she knows just how important an advantage is in the arena.

Figures in the fog, a split decision, when she saw Lux standing there she knew there was only one option.

There had always been a single, resounding answer. Lux Bellisario had to die.

And yet it weighs on Carly, makes her consider just how ruthless she's willing to become to make it home. She sits up on the shore of the river, half-finished picnic lunch to the side of her. There are honeybees drifting on the wind, so small that she can't even think to consider them threats. In the water she hears splashing, but she calmly lifts her gaze to see Andrew leisurely swimming across the sunset stained surface of the river. It makes her smile, a little sadly at first, before she blinks and comes out of her daze.

"How long have you been in there, Andrew?" Her fingers intertwine on her lap, a nervous knot in her stomach. She tries to unravel it with her winning smirk on her face. "Because if it's been longer than ten minutes, it might just be safe enough for me to join you." Maybe it'll be nice, she thinks. A moment to exist as simply two people going for a swim. She finds herself wishing for a memory she's never experienced, a life she'll never be allowed to live with him.

But then her mind shifts curiously, beyond the blush on her cheeks. "Actually, how did you learn to do that, if I can ask? Are there lakes and rivers in Eleven?" She stands up, approaching the shoreline with carefully paced steps. "I learned in the Capitol, while I was filming my, y'know, hopeless romantic debut. There was a pool, and it was a new opportunity, so." She waves her hand dismissively, feet breaking the water, a playful smile on her lips. "You know me."

She stares down at the golden boy wading in violet. And, really, she wants him to. For as girl as open and blunt as she is, it's incredibly rare for her to allow anyone an up-close look. But she doesn't back away, doesn't think about the things that she can't change, but what she can still have.

What she wants.