something in the way / fionn & heidi

I never knew much about being alone.

The echo’s that bounced off walls when the room was no filled. A tingle in the back of your neck as the hairs stand up when the old wooden floors would creek. As a kid convinced the monsters were under my bed, lurking in the shadows until my parents would shut the door behind them.

But the monsters weren’t hiding in the shadows, they wore human smiles and lab coat. They walked the street when the sun was up and laid themselves to rest when the moon lit bright in the night sky. I no longer was afraid of the wind slamming its first against the windows. I was terrified of those who wanted us dead.

The house seemed bigger when Aodhán was out. When I had nowhere else to go, he offered me refuge. Both of us had lost something, neither of us willing to talk much about it to the other. There was no judgment when he drank, allowing him his vice. In return he watched me spiral into a cause that would almost certainly end in my death.

Maybe that was just it.

I had finally found something worth dying for.

It was a mutual understanding in unspoken words. Never had I felt this cared for, seen in a way my parents would never be able to perceive me. Between the heart filled moments and screams of a riot, for the first time I still felt lost in a world where I was the only person to exist. The house so quiet that I could hear my own breath as I gently rifted of to sleep.

A peaceful night amidst the chaotic nature of this household was just as an unrealistic possibility as the monsters I believed to be under my bed. My somber sleep brought to a quick end before the clock could even strike midnight. A face hovering over mine, in another story maybe it would be a prince coming to my rescue…but from what. A few groggy moments until the alcohol in his breath felt all too familiar. My nose scrunching in disgust as it is more than enough to understand the words he was speaking.

Aodhán was missing…only he wasn’t. I knew he would be gone tonight. The smiling face of his son biding for my company. Dirty blond hair and a devilish grin…I guess it could have been worse.

I pulled the pillow from my underneath my head swinging it at him in playful annoyance. He wasn’t around much and when he was it always seemed to be in a state. I thought about tracking his movements, trying to understand something that was not for me to grasp. The curse of a scientist unable to let things exist without turning them into an experiment. Force of habit. One I wanted to kick.

“Asshole!”

I rolled my eyes as I laid my head back down to rest, smiling back up at his face.

“What adventures have you been on tonight?” I rolled my body over an invitation for him to lie down next to me. Maybe we would trade war stories of broken homes, riots and booze. How nothing ever went as planned and still everything would be okay.