Slowly Breaking(Sircle)

Caleb Judan

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Caleb stalked down the road to his house with his arms glued to his sides and hands clenched in fists. Images of what just happened ran through his head. The pretty girl. The older boy. Caleb mentally groaned as he replayed the scene over and over in his head. He hated that he actually fell for this girl's games. He could see it coming. Caleb wasn't stupid. He was just mesmerized by her strange exotic beauty, and lost all control. He was feeling pretty stupid right now. It was pretty stupid, to fall for a girl like that, when you've trained yourself all your life to be on your guard. However, Caleb just slipped up and he knew it. He hoped that the girl didn't know how much he was into her, but he had a feeling she did. Girls like that always have a vibe for that sort of thing. Or so it seems.

Gosh, now that Caleb really thought about it, he didn't even know her name. He had only spoken with her for about ten minutes; it was stupid to think anything was going on at all. The guy, who's face she'd just been sucking on, was probably her boyfriend. What was wrong with talking to someone of the opposite sex when you are with someone? Just talking? Nothing. they weren't exactly "just talking" though. Caleb felt something. It must have had something to do with the way her eyes lingered on his body, his face, and his lips. Maybe it was the little sneaky touches. Maybe it was that Caleb was just an idiot for almost falling for her. Yeah, that was probably it.

Caleb saw his house come into sight. Oak trees burst from the ground and grew up toward the sky, and there was Christopher, sitting under his favorite one, staring at him with worried eyes. Oh, Christopher.

[/i] No one knew Caleb better than his triplet. He could tell from a hundred feet away that something was wrong. Caleb smiled at the thought of this, as it brang warmth to his chest, dulling the intense rage he had felt earlier. Christopher, his one true friend. That's what Caleb needed right now. Someone to talk to. Someone like Christopher.

Caleb changed the direction he was walking and headed toward his brother. Thoughts from the recent incident still flash through his mind, giving him a pain in his chest. He had been so weak. It was so unlike Caleb to be like this. He slowly built the rage back up in his chest, forgetting Christopher's warmth. Caleb had finally made it to where he was standing over Christopher. He opened his mouth and was about to launch into a furious rant to get all of his feelings out, but still sound tough at the same time. However, when he looked into the sad and concerned eyes of Christopher, all of the rage melted away. Caleb collapsed to his knees, buried his face in his hands, and began to cry.

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Caleb Judan

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Why was Caleb crying? He has only cried one other time in his life, and that was when a crab chomped off his ear. I mean, who wouldn't cry at that, especially when you are only eleven. But this, this was nothing! It was just a girl he hardly even knew. Why was he overreacting like this? The confusion in Caleb's head just made him more upset, and he cried harder, thankful that no one but Christopher was around.

Christopher.

Caleb was suddenly aware of Christopher's arms holding him tightly to his chest, he returned the hug and clung on to his shirt. A strange warm sensation tingled in his heart. Christopher's chest seemed more comfortable and soft than it was before. Caleb closed his eyes and willed himself to stop crying, and eventually he did. A thought climbed into Caleb's mind. Maybe this wasn't about that girl at all. Maybe it was something else, but what? He sat there with Christopher as he stroked his hair. The normal Caleb wouldn't let anyone touch his hair, but the normal Caleb didn't seem to be around now.

Caleb took a few deep breaths and tried to pull himself together. He was about to pull away from Christopher, but for some reason he didn't want to. He didn't want Christopher to be too worried about him though. Caleb let go of the tight grip he had on Christopher's shirt and, with much force, pulled himself away from him. He stared at the ground, wandering what this was all about anymore. He knew for sure that it wasn't the girl. He had almost forgot about her in the arms of Christopher. Caleb looked up into the eyes that matched his own and what he saw in them triggered a light bulb in his head.

It was love. There was love in Christopher's eyes. It resembled a look of caring or compassion, but it was undoubtedly love. Not just brotherly love, either. Caleb choked on his words, and felt tears coming again, but held them back. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Christopher's.

"I-It was nothing. Just this girl I kind liked. And she was making out with this other guy. And it made me mad. I overreacted. A little. A lot. I, um, sorry."

Caleb finally tore his gaze away from Christopher, and focused on one of the roots of the giant oak tree. Caleb collected all of the strength he had left in himself, and looked back up at Christopher. The love was still there, but this time he was guarded. Caleb steadied his gaze and looked straight into his brother's eyes. "Don't worry I'm fine." Caleb hoped the lie didn't sound as forced as the smile on his lips. And with that, he turned to go into the house. There was a strange, new wanting inside of him though. He wanted Christopher to follow him. He wanted Christopher to hold him again. Most of all, however, he wanted to see the love in his eyes again.

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Christopher didn't buy his "I'm fine" crap. In a sense, this made Caleb feel good for some reason. There was actually a person out there who knew if he was lying. Someone who actually cared enough to figure it out. However, this person was only his brother. That should just be the norm. There's nothing special about your brother knowing you best. Is there? Caleb didn't know.

As Christopher's hand found his arm a warm sensation of glee swept through Caleb's body. Caleb sighed, and not because his brother had caught him lying, but because he touched his arm. What the hell is going on? Christopher is his brother. He's not supposed to feel this way about him. It's wrong enough that they are both boys, but when you add the fact they are connected by blood, it's borderline creepy.

Christopher can't know about these feelings. Ever. He seems so happy with all of his artwork, and Caleb doesn't want to ruin his happiness. He just had to figure this one out on his own, no matter how badly he wanted to talk about it. Talking about it usually made something easier to understand. Caleb can't take any risks though.

He jerked his arm away from Caleb's warm hand, feeling tears coming again, but he pushed them back. He had to handle this alone. He had to. There was no other choice. Caleb spun around, placing anger on his face.

"I already damn told you, I'm fine." Caleb spat, emphasizing the word "fine". Caleb instantly regretted the words that flew from his mouth, but there was no going back now. Maybe now Christopher would go away. The thing is though, Caleb didn't want him to.

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Caleb tried to catch his brother as he fell, but missed. He flinched at the thump sound that occurred as Christopher hit the ground. There was hurt in his eyes, not physical from the fall, but from Caleb's own words. He stared at Christopher, trying to keep his face neutral, but anger still burned his cheeks. It wasn't anger at Christopher, but at himself. His brother's words pinched his heart. Lying. That's what I'm doing. Sinning.. But this is for Christopher. Lying for myself would be selfish.

Christopher's hand warmed his whole body. He shook his head and gently chuckled in a non-humorous way. Caleb sighed. He really couldn't lie to Christopher. He knows him too well. The only way out of this was the truth. The partial truth, that is. Caleb collected thoughts in his head. What could he tell Christopher that wouldn't give too much away? He sucked in a deep breath and spoke.

Alright, I guess I have no choice other than to tell you. I-I,"

[/b]Caleb thought for a second, just a mere second. Then an idea hit him. He knew exactly what to say, although he hoped this wouldn't come back to bite him in the future. I'm gay. This wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either. However, it had to do for now.
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