Hiding My Heart {from you} (SpecialK)

Main Text: 313d8f
Speech: 076bad
Thoughts of Paranoia: 0d65fc

Working in the summer was one of the things that Gregg hated most about his life. He was living in the beautiful sunny District Four, yet he had to go to work. Even his job was not interesting, a deck registration worker. In all honesty, Gregg had not a clue what that meant. He slacked off all day at work, it was surprising that his manager had not fired him yet. It was like a headless chicken walking around trying to figure out what to do, yet Gregg would never figure out what it was to do. The job had been his too long for him to ask questions, how could he even consider asking without looking like an idiot. To make matters worse there were other men who were Gregg's coworkers; men who were obviously out to hurt Gregg. He was constantly looking over his shoulder for someone that was not going to threaten him.

The supervisor had given a speech before the employee's got to work, but Gregg was too busy to listen. He was constantly checking over his shoulder, waiting to see if all the other men were finally going to attack him. Convincing his mind that they were not going to attack was impossible, they so obviously hated him. Gregg could tell by the way that they talked about him at lunch. Other guys looked at him and laughed, they were going to get him. He was sure of that.

As Gregg just finished checking in he heard a frail voice behind him. It was clearly a women's, so he had nothing to worry about with someone out to get him. Being a ladies man was in his forte, Gregg was just used to talking to women. He could make most swooning over him, his looks and his personality just worked out for them. He would try to be nice to this girl, maybe it would work out for him. Maybe he would be able to find someone to have a relationship with, but it was doubtful. Gregg had tried many times with girls, but none had worked out. He had to keep his head up though, this time could be different.

"Hey, I'm Gregg. Could you use a hand?"

A desk.

That is what Gregg Linton's summer had come down to. Sitting at a desk. Doing work that he had no clue about. In fact, nobody could even call it work. All Gregg did was sit at his desk, staring out the window, watching the waves break to pass time. It was the little things -like watching waves break- that Gregg enjoyed most about living in District four: -not that they could count on a victor every few years, which meant that he was not starving- just the waves breaking, sending the whitewash onto the beach.

Apparently, Gregg's work was one of the worst jobs someone could have over the summer in District Four. It was inside, so he could not get tan. It was at a desk, so he had to hunch over, giving him back pain. And, worst of all, it did not pay well. He was stuck inside -working eight hours a day- while most other people his age were out on the beach enjoying life. Sure, they were all in better financial situations than Gregg and had two parents, but none of them deserved that rest. Most of the teenagers on the beach lazed off during the school year, but people like Gregg had to work their tails off so they could try to get ahead in life. Most of the time though, it was to no avail.

"I don't need anybodies help." The girl had said to him, but that clearly was far from the truth. Gregg knew she was blind, so why would she turn down his help? It was said that the girl Gregg was speaking to was scared of men -common ground between Gregg and her,- but Gregg was no man. Other guys were just as scary to him as they were to her; yet he had no reason to be paranoid. The girl followed her first comment with a clearly rude tone, "Thank you though Gregg." He was taken aback when she said his name, but then realized that he had told her his name already. Short-term memory had never been Gregg's best forte.

"Don't you have work to do?" Well, technically Gregg did have work to do. Did that mean he was going to do that work? No. It did not. Moreover, he was going to try and avoid doing that work to the best of his abilities. After all, getting paid for doing nothing was enjoyable for Gregg, even if what he was getting paid was minimal.

"Do I have work to do? Yes, I do.

Am I going to do it? That's a different story." He finished his words with a soft laugh at his clearly bad attempt at humor.

There was only a little bit of time left that Gregg would have to be working on this job. Soon, he would be back to school, not like he cared. School was just another thing that he would not take seriously. Gregg would just end up sitting there relaxing, wasting time until the breaks; hoping with all of his heart that he would not get reaped. Yet, he probably did not even have to worry about getting reaped, since somebody would probably volunteer for him because being a tribute was 'such an honor'. There was no way that Gregg was one who wanted that honor, even if winning meant fortune. He did not need the attention of the whole country, he was quite happy with his life as it was.

Of course, the money that came with winning would be nice. He would never have to work another day in his life. He would be able to relax in the victors village (which surely had a beach;) there would be nothing else that he needed. Mentoring other tributes would not even be one of Gregg's concerns if he won, most of the District Four tributes were trained in everything that they needed. All that Gregg would need to do is sit there and give the gifts sponsors paid for. Certainly his life would be one of leisure, but that would only be after he won, which he had no intentions of even doing because he had no intent of being in the Hunger Games.

Why Gregg was thinking about these things, he did not know. Thinking ahead was never something that Gregg actually did, normally he would just let life take him where it wanted, so why not now? Even he did not know why he was talking to this girl who clearly had no interest in him. It was basically a waste of his time, even Gregg knew that. Though he normally did not do work, Gregg never blatantly looked like he was doing nothing. By standing over this girls shoulder he was not only disrespecting her, but also his boss. He was walking on an extremely fine line of what was acceptable and not, and he was leaning towards the wrong side.

"Is he gone?" He knew that the girl was blind, but Gregg thought that she would have heard if he had moved. It was exceptionally rude of him to not honor the girls wishes of him going away, but he just did not want to leave. The conversation that the two were having would go somewhere, that he was sure of. Weather that result would be good or not, he was not sure.

"No, I'm still here."

Was he making this girl (Lina, he thought this was the girls name) uncomfortable? What worried Gregg was he honestly though the answer was yes. Being a gentleman was something that Gregg thought to be one of his best traits. The fact that he was intruding on this girls personal space clearly was not keeping with that trait, but he did not care. The conversation was not going well, and honestly, Gregg could not afford another person that disliked him. He already had enough problems with other guys as it was. Gregg had to make this girl think that he was not a total jerk, because he honestly wasn't. Gregg really was just a young adult trying to have some fun, there were no bad intentions within him.

It was rude of Gregg to wonder why the girl had asked him not to take up desk space, but he had forgotten that she was blind, and right away, he was down on himself for forgetting about the girls disabilities. He made sure to stop himself from making a smart-ass comment about how he was not actually sitting on her desk, because that really would have been rude of him. He didn't even mimic getting up off a desk like he would have done under normal circumstances. For some reason that Gregg Linton really did not know he was not acting like his normal, teasing self.

"So, why are you here on the docks, and not on the boats like the other guys?" Though the girls tone had definitely become calmer, this was not the question that Gregg wanted to answer. In fact, it was what he least wanted to tell anybody. His irrational fear of other men was crazy, it was pathetic, an instant turn off to girls. But he had been acting in an odd way ever since the conversation had started, so really, what was there to lose with him stepping out of his comfort zone? It was really nothing more than he had been doing since his manager stopped talking. Maybe that day was a good day to take some risks.

"Well, at first I was out on the boats working with them, but see, I'm scared of other guys, ever since I can remember I have been. I never tell anyone this, it's kinda embarrassing."

Idiot.

That was the only thing that Gregg could think of himself as. Never had he told somebody about his irrational fear of men before, so nobody was able to use it against him, until he had let his guard slip. Once blind girl had been his secret, there was nothing else that he had as all his own. The knowledge that she had would spread like wildfire to everyone else in District Four who cared to know, Gregg would become the laughing stalk of his class. It was literally the last thing that he wanted to happen. Gregg always had his little group of female friends (and no more than just friends) who he could trust, but even they did not know about Gregg's secret phobia. The fact that he had just let this girl who he barely knew know about his secret phobia was a disservice to all of the time Gregg had spent keeping it a secret.

Even as this girl said that she was "scared of them too," it did not help Gregg's mental wellbeing. He was frightened that somebody was going to come out and hurt him, especially now that they could have leverage over him. Being in a bad situation was bad enough, but the girl trying to comfort him only made it worse for Gregg. And even if she was telling the truth about her fears, it was like she was only dropping her feelings onto Gregg. But he knew that he should reconsider these ideas, because this girl might also be trying to connect with Gregg, in which case he would try to connect with her. Maybe she was blind, but he did have some sort of interest in her, which he found really odd. Gregg never was one to like people out of pity, so were these feelings legitimate? His mind was swarming with questions, but the answers were nowhere to be found.

Did she have an interest in Gregg like he did in her, though? Well, not an interest, but a want to know the other better. If that was the case than he truly thought the answer was yes. If the question was did she like him, then the answer clearly was a huge no. He still was interfering with her personal space with no regard for what she wanted. He never was one to care about what other people wanted, though, always about what was in it for Gregg Linton. So why would he bother changing now, unless it was for a really good cause. Sadly, he did not have a good cause at that moment, so there was no way in the world that Gregg Linton was going to change anytime soon.

"I have a better idea, why don't we just leave work and hang out? It would be fun!" Something in Gregg's mind told him that this girl did not seem like the type that wanted to have fun, but one should not judge a book by its cover. Right?

Maybe he was going to fast, Gregg never was one to actually get girls to like him. Normally they would like him because of his stunning good looks or his sexy abs, but neither of those things worked on this girl (well, she was blind, so how could they?) Still, he was basically asking this girl out on a date and he had met her formally no more than ten minutes ago, it seemed just a little odd. Gregg did not think of it as a date though, to him it was just trying to get to know this blind girl who was seemingly able to keep a low profile no matter how hard people wanted to know her. Failure never has been something that Gregg accepted, so why would he bother starting now? A case could be made for him having the girl hooked, so he could have a chance at actually forming a relationship with her. It was possible, after all.

The apparently harmless invitation had not been so harmless to the girl Gregg was trying to hang out with though, as she almost immediately freaked out. Her breathing had become heavy and she had clamped her hands down over her ears, clearly she had meant it that she was afraid of men, but her fear must be worse than his. Fits were out of the question for Gregg, they would just cause more attention to him; normally, he would just try and find a spot all alone when the other men were out there pointing at him, out there laughing at him. It was the only way that he could could stay safe, even if what the other guys were saying could only be about how much of a wimp he was. Safety was the only important thing in his life, as long as he could be safe from other men's harm, he would be able to live his life.

The crazy thing was, the girl had said words followed by a nod that could only mean she wanted to go with Gregg. It really was a surprise to him, and for more than the first time today he was happy she was blind. It took him a few seconds to find his wits, the surprise still not completely gone yet. Why was it that when he thought the situation was under control, she had changed everything. Just when he thought he knew the answer, she had changed the question. How was he supposed to manage like this, it was insane. Life clearly was not like chess for Gregg Linton, planning ahead was impossible, the only way to live was in the moment, any plans would just get drastically changed without any warning. Life was better that way, he could be spontaneous and enjoy everything instead of walking through life like a guided machine.

"Where to?" That was something Gregg had not really thought about yet, he was honestly assuming that she would not end up going with him wherever he went, but she was welcomed nonetheless. His immediate reaction would be going to the beach, but if they went there wouldn't their manager see the pair? They would both get in trouble if not fired, that was not what he wanted, but there really was no other option. There were no boats that he had to go fishing, he did not have enough money to take her out for lunch; hell, Gregg Linton did not even have a fishing rod to catch his own lunch, and he lived in the fishing district of Panem. The only real option was to go to the beach, no matter how stupid and dangerous that option was. Masses of people would be their protection, if they could slip into the masses maybe they could get away with ditching work.

"We could go to the beach, or we could go out for lunch? Either one is good for me." It was a lie, of course, to say that either was good for him. Money was not plentiful enough for Gregg to pay for anyones food but his own, so how could he take this girl out for lunch? He was more than praying she would agree to go to the beach, it would make life a whole lot simpler for Gregg.