Cutting Wheel | [Semper]

Main~ebe3aa
Speaking~c5e0dc
Emphasis~a8caba
Other~838689
Other's Speech~5d4157

I'm gonna be released from behind these lines
And I don't care whether I live or die
And I'm losing blood, I'm gonna leave my bones
And I don't want your heart, it leaves me cold

Meryem checks her pockets, no drugs. Even when she is under the effects of her drugs, Meryem can always tell when her pockets are empty, when there are no more pills to take. That's when her hallucinations happen to be strongest. It's almost like Meryem is begging the drugs to give her everything they've got while they last.

Of course, these final hallucinations are almost-always nightmares.

And when Meryem runs out, all hell breaks loose. She gets temperamental, jumpy, and all around angry. That's why she happened to be so hopeful of her next load getting smuggled in, it was why she remembered she happened to be lurking around her pick up spot. It's why she bothered to brave the cold in her ripped and tattered clothing.

All for the drugs. It is all for the drugs. Meryem lives for the drugs, or rather the drugs are her sense of life. They let her live without feeling dead, although she appears to everybody else as dead. She can only hope that they got smuggled in from the Capitol recently, the winter was always a difficult time to get the drugs in. People never wanted to leave home.

But without the drugs, Meryem wasn't not sure she could go on living. Yet all she could do was wait. She did so, back against a building in an off road of the town, money in her pocket that she got from taking things from Celeste.

Then the drugs came and goods were quickly exchanged. Pills to last the winter, they said before the car drove away.

Then Meryem took a pill in addition to the one she already took, but forgot to put the container back into her pocket. Meryem sank to the ground, back still against the wall, and enjoyed the lack of feeling that slowly grew on her.

I don't want no future, I don't need no past
One grand moment is all I ask
I don't want your future, I don't need your past
One grand moment is all I ask

OOC: I'm sorry, I don't even know what this is. It's the first time I've actually written her, so it's hopefully only a bit bad, I know. I might try first person next post if you don't mind, maybe a hallucination... idk, but I'll try something else to make it better.

Lyrics ~ Leave My Body by Florence + The Machine
Graphics by the lovely Onyx