When You See It [Axel]

Only eighteen years old and I'd felt like I'd lived two lifetimes, it was funny how time could get away from us and play with our minds. In truth I probably had lived two lifetimes, how many guys could say that they have been the savior of two families only to have the families die off anyways. How painful it is to feel the elation and joy when you assist a family in their stuggle for survival only to have them succumb to the elements and pass on from this life to the next anyways. Twice...twice this has happened to me, forced to watch the families that I grew to love and care about die. Those eternal questions that haunt me, what more could I have done for them, did I only delay the inevitable?

If pain haunted my soul before then it has only grown worse since I had to endure that. I couldn't help it though, when I was capable of offering some assistance to someone I felt obligated to do so. I couldn't decide if this was due in part to a longing to part ways with this world myself. Perhaps some belief that if I gave away everything of my own I'd have nothing left to keep myself alive, but sadly, try as I might I couldn't get rid of everything I had. So naturally, in my own weak minded head, I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't help anyone anymore, I'd only look out for myself. Turns out that was harder than I thought it would be, not helping people ate at me, the guilt slowly eating away my soul. It was inevitable that I return to helping people, but maybe I should be a little more careful of who they are and what their chances of survival are.

It was a cruel way of living, who among us wanted to judge if a person was worth helping or keeping alive. I certainly wasn't prepared for the amount of effort it took and the pain that coursed through me every time someone from the Seam begged me for help, but I refused to give it to them. What a twisted world we lived in where we were given the ability to cut short the lives of children or end the life of someone who was weak. It all stemmed from the Capitol, they were behind all this, for years I had blamed them for the state of poverty that we in District 12 lived in. I suppose that as time progressed though the fight in me dissipated, leaving nothing but a dejected and broken husk of a person. How much longer would I have to endure this, how much longer before I succumbed to the beckoning call of the grim reaper?

These are the things that haunt me, these are the nightmares that torture me even while I'm awake, these are the things that have ravaged my heart. While the warm sun beats down on me I wonder how much more of this I'll have to deal with before I croak...or rather how much more I wanted to deal with before I went and disposed of myself. I was sick of everything and everyone, I was sick of how we were forced to live in the shadow of the Capitol while they ignored out plight. Was I any better though, I ignored the plights of the people around me deeming who was worthy to save and who wasn't. In my own frustration and anger I had become the very thing that I hated the most...a pawn of the Capitol. Something desperate needed to be done, and only visiting the town square would help with that. There were always people who needed help at the square, I could use them as a means of redeeming myself.

As I walked around some of the people smiled weakly at me, while others glared at me, their gaunt faces and thin frames letting me know that they were no better off since I had turned them down. Chances were they wouldn't accept any help I offered them even if I tried at this point, it took enough to swallow their pride and ask for it once. Turning my gaze away from everyone I tried to find someone who hadn't yet been on the recieving...or for that matter denied...end of my attempts to help. That was when I saw a young girl, maybe a year or two younger than me, walking along the streets apparently looking for something by the way she was scanning her surroundings. Looking around myself I caught sight of a small bundle on the ground. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the bundle was probably hers, so trotting towards it I reached down to find another hand reaching down along with mine.

Then the body connected to the hand moved underneath me, pushing me out of the way. I raised my hands up in mock surrender and waited for the person to lift their head so I could get a better look at them. When their, more specificly her, head lifted to look me in the eyes I saw a glare of defiance, steady and unwavering. It was the girl who I had seen walking along the street before, so it turned out my hunch was correct. "I wasn't going to take it you know, I was actually going to bring it over to you if you couldn't find it. I'm not a thief, nor do I have any intention of becoming one. The name is Trench by the way, Trench Hardeen, if you don't mind my asking where did you get all that money from?"

This girl was an odd one to be sure, it was hard for me to tell if she was a little crazy or one of those people that was so brilliant that they appeared to be a little...strange. Her eyes seemed to have trouble focusing on one object while there was an aire of urgency about her, like there wasn't enough time in the day to carry out everything she had on her own personal "to do" list. I remembered a time when I was no better than she is right now, telling myself that there wasn't enough time in the day to carry out everything I wanted to do. It turns out that it wouldn't matter how much time was in the day, you were never going to achive all the goals you had planned for that day. After a few more seconds of being "alone" with my thoughts, I heard her voice break through the fog and address my own earlier statement.

She started by giving me her name, Amy Leon, which in and of itself was a name I'd never heard before. I had been under the impression that I had known everyone in District 12 at this point, but this girl, Amy Leon, had proven me wrong. Apparantely she wasn't the trusting type either as she appeared to have no intention of telling me where she got her money from. Then again, who here really trusted anyone enough to tell them how they came by their money, after all if you had a means of obtaining money you didn't want anyone cutting into your business. I was prepared to just walk away and continue my day without a second thought for this girl. It wasn't like I needed to know how she got the money, it would have little affect on me either way. Just as I was about to turn away this strange girl seemed to have a change come over her, and she told me she was an inventor.

I couldn't help but shake my head in amusement. There was something oddly intriguing about this girl and her rather...strange...attitude, she was apparently prone to mood swings also, or maybe that was just how she was to strangers. Opening my mouth to five her a reply I snapped it shut quickly when her own mouth opened and she spoke again. No sense in cutting her off, otherwise she may not talk again. Her statement took me by surprise though, telling me that she liked to give people the benefit of the doubt and that I was the best person she's run into today, and then oddly enough asking me to be her companion for the day. I was slightly taken aback by that, especially by her rather abrupt methods and telling me a simple yes or no would do. I chuckled quietly and moved a little closer to her giving her a good once over to decide if I should indeed spend the day with this girl.

"Sure, I'll spend the say with you, Amy, it's not like I've got anything better to do in this junk heap we call home anyways. I realize you told me a simple yes or no would do, but I've never been one for simple thinking or simple statements." Shoving my hands into my pockets I took my place by her side waiting for her to make the first move. I was HER companion not the other way around, and as a result this meant I would go wherever this strange girl decided to go today. Oddly enough it didn't bother me that I wasn't doing what I had planned today, I was mostly interested in learning more about Amy. "After you m'lady, your kingdom awaits, best not to keep your sbujects waiting for you."

Well now this girl is quite the character, definitely nothing like any other girl in the district. Actually she wasn't much like anyone else here in the district, I don't know many people who would scold someone for calling this place a junk heap. It wasn't because I was being rude, it's just the general consensus of the population here, District 12 is a junk heap. Just for her though I decided I wouldn't call our home a junk heap...at least not while she was around. Yes, she was a strange one, but I found it a little endearing, it was nice to know that there was someone around that didn't entirely hate their life here. Or rather find someone who thought there was still a shot at happiness around her. I'm willing to give her a few more years though, then I'll ask her what she thinks.

Perhaps one of the things I found most peculiar was that she made it a point in telling me she introduced herself as Amy Leon as opposed to the just Amy. Apparently she only wanted to be addressed by her full name for some reason...she was not going to make this companion for a day thing easy for me was she. Ironically enough, to conclude her statements to me she said we'd be spending the day in the dump...great an odd sense of humor, or was she just trying to spite me? Either way, when she spun on her heels and walked away towards the junk heap, I followed behind her at a safe enough distance. I took note of everything, from her bare feet to her rather eccentric style choices, couldn't be to trusting of someone I'd only just met, especially not in the Seam. She seemed harmless enough though, so I moved forward to keep pace beside her.

We walked in silence, a severe change from how this girl had been the past few minutes, and I felt like this would be an extremely awkward day for me. Why oh why did I tell her I'd follow her around as her "companion" for the day? As many times as I asked myself the question, as many times as I couldn't think of a reason...I didn't leave her side. Strange how that worked out, I suppose part of me was interested in learning more about her, and the only way to do that was to stick by her side and figure out what made her tick. Finally we came to a stop outside of the place known simply as "the junk heap", literally that's what it was called. It wasn't like it looked any different then the rest of District 12 so I came to call the whole of District 12 "the junk heap", that's basically what it was, or at the very least it was Panem's graveyard.

Amy, in her wit and sarcasm, decided she would take a jab at my little name for our home, and on top of that refer to me as her companion "My, aren't we the sarcastic one Companion, but yes, I did mention something about a junk heap didn't I. Of course I meant it in a more broad term, as in the whole district, but I see what you did there. How about you call me Trench though, I introduced myself as Trench, not companion." I gave her a teasing wink and pushed her gently to let her know that I was only joking around with her, and took a few steps forward to get a better view of the junk heap.